I Think I Have A Problem
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: NJ & PA
Posts: 10
I Think I Have A Problem
Hi, i just registered and this is my first post. i'm not really sure what to do or where to go, but i think i have a serious problem with drugs.
About 8 months ago a friend gave me a little Heroin to try. I randomly used once in a while after i got home from work. But as time went on i started to use it more and more, until about 5 months ago when my girlfriend of 6 years and i broke up, i started using it everyday. I now am at the point where i get a few bags before or during work everyday. And i also recently started using crack and cocaine along with it. i want to stop so badly. i have stopped for a few days at a time, but i feel so ****** without it and its so easy to get near my work that i eventually find myself driving back to get some more.
nobody knows about my problem at all. not my friends or family. i was a completely clean person my entire life, all the way through college and 2 years into working full time. nobody that i know would ever even suspect that i have a problem with drugs, let alone with the "hardcore" drugs. it would be a complete shock to them. The problem now is that i think some people at work have started to take notice of my slightly different behavior. I still get all my work done, but i have lost a little weight and havent had that "drive" or motivation to get things done that i once used to have (i am in my mid 20's, by the way). my manager today even made a comment that i thought was strange and it leads me to believe that they might know something is different. Besides when i was hired, i have never been given a urine test, but i am now worried that they might give a surprise UT. is this possible for them to do? what would they say to me? how much time do i have for this stuff to get out of my system? if i did come up positive, would this be with me for the rest of my life? i am so scared for losing my job. i already used both drugs today, and i am forcing myself to stop for fear of a random UT this week.
About 8 months ago a friend gave me a little Heroin to try. I randomly used once in a while after i got home from work. But as time went on i started to use it more and more, until about 5 months ago when my girlfriend of 6 years and i broke up, i started using it everyday. I now am at the point where i get a few bags before or during work everyday. And i also recently started using crack and cocaine along with it. i want to stop so badly. i have stopped for a few days at a time, but i feel so ****** without it and its so easy to get near my work that i eventually find myself driving back to get some more.
nobody knows about my problem at all. not my friends or family. i was a completely clean person my entire life, all the way through college and 2 years into working full time. nobody that i know would ever even suspect that i have a problem with drugs, let alone with the "hardcore" drugs. it would be a complete shock to them. The problem now is that i think some people at work have started to take notice of my slightly different behavior. I still get all my work done, but i have lost a little weight and havent had that "drive" or motivation to get things done that i once used to have (i am in my mid 20's, by the way). my manager today even made a comment that i thought was strange and it leads me to believe that they might know something is different. Besides when i was hired, i have never been given a urine test, but i am now worried that they might give a surprise UT. is this possible for them to do? what would they say to me? how much time do i have for this stuff to get out of my system? if i did come up positive, would this be with me for the rest of my life? i am so scared for losing my job. i already used both drugs today, and i am forcing myself to stop for fear of a random UT this week.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: The Mohave Desert
Posts: 2,306
Hi and welcome to SR.
Have you checked the Nar-anon Forum.
You will find a lot of support and information here.
What about going to an NA meeting, that would be a great help to you.
Keep posting and you will be in prayers.
Have you checked the Nar-anon Forum.
You will find a lot of support and information here.
What about going to an NA meeting, that would be a great help to you.
Keep posting and you will be in prayers.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,709
Well, first thing to do is to not use tomorrow.
Second thing is to find some clean addicts and ask them for help.
www.na.org
Third thing is to involve your loved ones as much as you can.
We're only as sick as the secrets we keep.
I'm an addict.
I cleaned up after thirty years of drinking and drugging.
Today, I enjoy a Big Life, free from active addiction.
But towards the end, I couldn't hide it anymore. People were noticing, just like it's happening to you. The progressive nature of addiction is revealing itself in your life.
Even the illusion of control you may have had at one point is gone.
Time to get some help.
You don't have to use ever again.
Welcome to SoberRecovery.
Glad you're here.
Second thing is to find some clean addicts and ask them for help.
www.na.org
Third thing is to involve your loved ones as much as you can.
We're only as sick as the secrets we keep.
I'm an addict.
I cleaned up after thirty years of drinking and drugging.
Today, I enjoy a Big Life, free from active addiction.
But towards the end, I couldn't hide it anymore. People were noticing, just like it's happening to you. The progressive nature of addiction is revealing itself in your life.
Even the illusion of control you may have had at one point is gone.
Time to get some help.
You don't have to use ever again.
Welcome to SoberRecovery.
Glad you're here.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,509
Hi Serious,
Welcome and you've found a great place for support and understanding. I'm Anna, alcoholic, sober a few years now and I can tell you I drank alone and was convinced no one at all knew what was going on, totally convinced. I was wrong. You'd be surprised that people may be more aware of your changes than you think.
You can stop and it won't be easy, but you can get through it for sure. I surely remember the panicky feelings that come along with trying to hide an addiction problem and you'll find it's wonderful to be free of those problems.
You might also check out the forum for Substance Abuse to find out more specific information. I hope you keep posting and good luck.
Anna
Welcome and you've found a great place for support and understanding. I'm Anna, alcoholic, sober a few years now and I can tell you I drank alone and was convinced no one at all knew what was going on, totally convinced. I was wrong. You'd be surprised that people may be more aware of your changes than you think.
You can stop and it won't be easy, but you can get through it for sure. I surely remember the panicky feelings that come along with trying to hide an addiction problem and you'll find it's wonderful to be free of those problems.
You might also check out the forum for Substance Abuse to find out more specific information. I hope you keep posting and good luck.
Anna
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: NJ & PA
Posts: 10
Thanks everybody. I am so scared that i might lose my job and screw up my career. Is this something that would be with me forever (on record or something)? I am young and i thought it was harmless at first, and that i had control of everything. but now its like all i want to do is go get high. is there anything that i can do in case of a UT? my manager and i are close and she knows about the problems i had with breaking up with my girlfriend. should i say something to her before any action is taken? god i feel so stupid for getting into this situation...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Beaver, WA
Posts: 1,346
((((((SeriousProblem)))))))
Might suggest seeing if the company you work for has an Employee Assistance Program (EAP). If you decide to get honest with your Manager, she would most certainly know if your company insurance covers that our a treatment program.
A company I worked for at one time offered me help in just that direction, but I declined the offer. I ended up quiting the job prior to being fired only to have my drinking and drug use escalate even further. Today, I can laugh at what I eventually found to be the truth. Most folks new I had a serious problem well before I was willing to honestly admit it to myself. Loss of Job is a small consequence compared to what some of us put ourselves through trying to beat the game alone. The above suggestions about seeking help in NA sound like very solid advice from my perspective.
((((((((SeriousProblem)))))))) If you don't mind, I would like to add your name to a prayer list? After many, many years of beating myself into a "near death" experience, I eventually accepted some help. I came into A.A. initially to scoff, but I've remained to pray.
Three Legs
Might suggest seeing if the company you work for has an Employee Assistance Program (EAP). If you decide to get honest with your Manager, she would most certainly know if your company insurance covers that our a treatment program.
A company I worked for at one time offered me help in just that direction, but I declined the offer. I ended up quiting the job prior to being fired only to have my drinking and drug use escalate even further. Today, I can laugh at what I eventually found to be the truth. Most folks new I had a serious problem well before I was willing to honestly admit it to myself. Loss of Job is a small consequence compared to what some of us put ourselves through trying to beat the game alone. The above suggestions about seeking help in NA sound like very solid advice from my perspective.
((((((((SeriousProblem)))))))) If you don't mind, I would like to add your name to a prayer list? After many, many years of beating myself into a "near death" experience, I eventually accepted some help. I came into A.A. initially to scoff, but I've remained to pray.
Three Legs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: NJ & PA
Posts: 10
Thanks legacy, please go ahead and pray for me, i will be praying along with you. I'm not sure if/how i should bring it up to her. if she didnt really know about it then i would be admitting it. wouldnt this most certainly cause me to lose my job? i just dont know. i think i will go in early tomorrow and talk to her, asking her if everything is OK without actually bringing up my problem.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Beaver, WA
Posts: 1,346
Not necessarily. Depends on many variables I would think.
It might help to find out about the Company EAP(or, if they even have one) from someone else in the company as anonymously as you can first. Many companies have guidelines for dealing with employees with addictions. It seems that most I've met who lost their jobs just may not have had they enrolled themselves into such programs immediately themselves. Each Company has its own guidelines and policies regarding dealing with termination of employees for various reasons.
You've been added to the prayer list! Love to chat live time if you can make it into the chatroom tonight.
((((((((((SeriousProblem)))))))))) Kiss Heart of Spirit
In Love & Service,
Three Legs
It might help to find out about the Company EAP(or, if they even have one) from someone else in the company as anonymously as you can first. Many companies have guidelines for dealing with employees with addictions. It seems that most I've met who lost their jobs just may not have had they enrolled themselves into such programs immediately themselves. Each Company has its own guidelines and policies regarding dealing with termination of employees for various reasons.
You've been added to the prayer list! Love to chat live time if you can make it into the chatroom tonight.
((((((((((SeriousProblem)))))))))) Kiss Heart of Spirit
In Love & Service,
Three Legs
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Georgia
Posts: 109
SeriousProblem,
Triegger here, alcoholic. I am not an HR specialist but I agree with legacy. Check and see what you can find out about your company's policies are. If it is of any size I would think that you would be eligible for FMLA, which will protect your job. Addiction may even be covered under the americans with disabilities act, but not sure.
Best thing is to see what you can find out from Human Resources on the QT. You will feel better when you know what your options are and if you are protected.
Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Triegger
Triegger here, alcoholic. I am not an HR specialist but I agree with legacy. Check and see what you can find out about your company's policies are. If it is of any size I would think that you would be eligible for FMLA, which will protect your job. Addiction may even be covered under the americans with disabilities act, but not sure.
Best thing is to see what you can find out from Human Resources on the QT. You will feel better when you know what your options are and if you are protected.
Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Triegger
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
Hi SP and belated welcome!
I am glad you still have clear vision. In that, you have been able to quickly realize something is seriously wrong, it's no longer recreational, it no longer is fun, it's starting to show in your behavior and looks. Your right, it's a serious problem, and one of the worst things that can happen to us.
I hope your ready, I hope you really want to do something. It won't take long for you to loose all if you continue on this path,not long at all.
You bet they can ask for a UT, and most are opting out for the hair sample which can show for 5 years! So as they say, there is no time like the present. Make a plan, seek others in recovery like you, have faith and hope you can take it all back before it takes you all the way to the pits of total hell. We'll be here to help.
I am glad you still have clear vision. In that, you have been able to quickly realize something is seriously wrong, it's no longer recreational, it no longer is fun, it's starting to show in your behavior and looks. Your right, it's a serious problem, and one of the worst things that can happen to us.
I hope your ready, I hope you really want to do something. It won't take long for you to loose all if you continue on this path,not long at all.
You bet they can ask for a UT, and most are opting out for the hair sample which can show for 5 years! So as they say, there is no time like the present. Make a plan, seek others in recovery like you, have faith and hope you can take it all back before it takes you all the way to the pits of total hell. We'll be here to help.
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