brynn

This is my second time trying to stay clean and sober.
I made it through rehab three years ago and was able to stay sober for almost eighteen months.
Unfortunately, I'm only able to stay sober when I'm being forced to...as in, a threat being held over my head. My husband used to re rearrange his work schedule so he could keep an eye on me...I wasn't allowed to go anywhere without him (yeah it sucked), he checked up on me constantly...I felt like a caged animal. I couldn't handle it and I finally began sneaking around and sneaking out ( yeah it was like he was the parent of a rebellious teen). I finally left him over it.
Looking back I see he was just scared and didn't know how else to help me.

Fast forward to now....i know I need to stop drinking but I'm petrified to stop. The thought of not drinking sends me into full blown panic attacks.
I live with a man now whim drinks way too much....so it's easy.
The problem is that it's taken over my life. I have to plan everything around drinking and my world is getting smaller and smaller because of it.

I guess I'm just looking for some support and encouragement here.
I feel like I'm drowning and I'm on my own with it.

ScottFromWI

Welcome brynn. There is a way out, and SR can be a key place to find the support and knowledge to do it. I was trapped by my drinking too, the world is a much better place without it for me. Do you think you'll need to start out with rehab again or are you going to take a different approach?

SoberLeigh

Welcome to SR, brynn. You will find support, encouragement and understanding here; glad you found us.

You don't have to feel alone. SR is 24/7/365; there is always someone here who cares and truly wants to see you succeed.

Anna

Welcome, Brynn,

My world was so small it all but disappeared by the end of my drinking days. That's what alcoholism does to us. It robs us of everything. I'm glad you have decided for yourself that you want to live a sober life.

Path2Recovery

I am with you all the way! My brain is screaming for alcohol right now!!!

I'm very new to sobriety myself so I don't really have a lot of advice like some of the longer sober members give, but I want to offer you encouragemnet. No one can make you quit but you. You have to want it for youself.

If you drink a lot and are physically addicted at this point (which seems like it) I would either go to rehab again and get proper treatment or try to taper off, but that doesn't have a high success rate. I tried to taper... Yeah I just drank the same amount...

Hang in there! It will get better!

I noticed the same thing as you, that my world was slowly revolving around drinking... It's a terrible, terrible way to live.

Soberwolf

I agree with Anna & Scott

brynn

Thanks for the support!

Ok, so, technically I'm about 13 hours sober right now....not sure if I'm actually making a commitment to this right now...I mean, I woke up this morning thinking that I needed to stop drinking but I don't know if this is THAT day or not. It scares me to think it is but it scares me to think it's not.

I think the only way I can really do this is to go to rehab...and that's not going to go over too well with my partner cause he's going to immediately talk about how he's not going to quit blah blah blah!

Has anyone else been able to stay sober while living with an alcoholic?

FreeOwl

I was pretty scared to quit for a variety of reasons, but knew I had to.

I was entering that terrible downslide toward where you cannot live without drinking, but drinking is killing you....

It wasn't easy at first, but I am so glad I committed to quitting AND recovering.

Just "not drinking" wasn't enough in the past. I had to actively work on sobriety.

It's all been worth it.

welcome!

JanieJ

Welcome Brynn

I'm so glad you found us.

You won't regret living sober, it's worth it.

Nonsensical

Welcome, Brynn!

Read that again and again. It's not the least bit rational. That doesn't mean it doesn't feel real (been there, done that) but the fear of sobriety is one way our addiction keeps us drinking. It has to be dealt with. The longer you put it off, the worse it will get. Today is the best day to start a sober life!

You can do this!

Frixion

Sobriety is the opportunity to live your life the way YOU choose. Congratulations on making the decision to get your life back

Welcome to SR

Dee74

Welcome Brynn - there is some great advice here already

we have plenty of support understanding and encouragement here

D

Ruby2

You don't have to decide right now to quit forever. I found that too scary. What I could control was just not drinking today. Just for today I won't drink. And then not drink. When you wake up tomorrow, say the same thing.

My husband is an alcoholic and it was hard for either of us to maintain sobriety if the other was actively drinking. However, I managed to get sober this last time despite my husband still drinking. However, he did get sober afterwards and barring a one day slip has remained so.

Hang here for support. Only you can decide if you are ready. But when your world shrinks to the size and the shape of a bottle like mine did? That was pretty scary too.

brynn

I screwed up. I drank and I knew I didn't want to but I did anyway. I dont know why I do the things I dont want to do. I keep thinking somehow it will be different, what a joke. It's just worse not different. I'm tired of living this way I'm tired of not feeling good and being run down all the time and of drunken quarrels with my partner and of waking up scared about what I might have said or done while drunk.
I'm going to try again today it's all I can do.
Thanks for the support I really need it.

losteverything

Brynn..... just go today without drinking. Get a few days of sobriety behind you, and see how much different things will be for you. You know how you feel after drinking, why not find out how you feel after not drinking for awhile? Have a good weekend.

Soberpotamus

Brynn, have you made any phone calls to any treatment centers yet? If I were you, I'd look into that.

I found it nearly impossible to stay sober while in a relationship with another alcoholic. I had to end that relationship. He still drinks daily, and I've been sober now for nearly two years.

I went to a twenty day outpatient program.

Nonsensical

When I did them it was because I was addicted to alcohol and I didn't know any other way. I wanted relief from that constant screaming in my head to drink, drink, drink! and the only way I knew to get it - if only for a few hours - was to drink.

I only got lasting relief from that persistent voice when I learned to deal with it in a manner I had never used before. I ignored it.

You can do this.

markz

Wow, atleast this is your second time around.
It took me more then 100 times to "get it"
I know today that there are what we call "one-timers" out there.
People who sink so low, and they are desperate enough, to give recovery all they got, every ounce.

brynn

So, this is the time of day I would usually start drinking and right now my heart is racing and I'm feeling really anxious about trying to abstain! I'm pretty much unable to concentrate on anything else right now except getting a drink! I'm trying to stay occupied but my mind is wandering to alcohol.
I know I'm romanticizing it right now! It's not good for me! It's destroying me!
I really don't want to give in but I dont trust myself!
Any suggestions? I really want this to work this time.

Dee74

Drinking was my life - to let that go, even tho it was destroying me was hard Brynn.

You will feel anxious and uncomfortable for a while but it will get better I promise.

Do whatever you haver to do to stay home and away from the liquor store...heck give your keys and wallet to someone if you have to...get this first day down and day two will be a lot easier

there are some great tips for craving here:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html

You can do this Brynn...it might suck now but you'll be so glad later

D