gabigoo

I have only been to 3 meetings so far but I am confused...I attended Beginners groups but each time I feel that the person who is leading the beginners talks so much and doesn't listen to what everyone else is saying. Today I went and once again the person related every comment to her own situation and I just felt that the person leading the group gets more out of it that all of us! Each time all of the beginners has stayed to talk to eachother afterwards.
Please don't get me wrong, I like Al Anon and what it teaches us...I am more confused over the fact that everytime the leader has been so self absorbed with telling their own story- even if it didn't relate to what a new person said...they just would keep talking!

My questions is... is this what I should expect? I always thought that it was for everyone to talk if they would like to share and to listen to others when they need to share? Am I going to the wrong meeting?

Gabe

I can see why that kind of meeting would not feel beneficial to you. The Alanon I know is very sensitive to newcomers and welcomes them and invites them to share if they want to. Unfortunately, sometimes personalities rise above principles...your meeting leader seems to be an example of that. I'd try another meeting, if that's possible.

Daffodil

gabigoo,

I can't speak for any group but my own,(it's the greatest) but isn't there a topic at the meetings you attend? Could the chairperson be trying to share her ES&H.
At our group we have a topic each meeting.
If you needs are not getting met at this meeting is it possible for you to try another?
From what I know of alanon and its guide lines, it is highly suggested that there be a topic from the literature available and that is what the meeting sharing is about. Some what similar to the topics on these threads.
Alanon does suggest that we try 6 meetings before we decide whether it's for us or not.
In any event keep coming back. We're here 24/7 and we have lots of topics to discuss. I don't think we have even touched the tip of the ice berg yet.
Love and prayers from one who cares,
Daffodil

JT

I never attended "Beginner Meetings" so I am not sure what the format should be. Maybe if you try another one or two you will discover for yourself which one meets your needs.

I suspect the leader thinks she is sharing her experience but it is also possible that she could be a little out of touch.

Hugs,
JT

Magichappens

My meetings are like what Daffy describes. We discuss a topic, and how it relates to us. If we are having a crisis or need to talk in depth about something, we do it before or after the meeting. I also use my sponsor for those types of things, and my therapist.
I don't know what that group has decided to use as a format for that meeting. You may want to ask one of the leaders of the meeting these questions. There may be a reason it goes a certain way. If they can't give a reason, it may be time to find a new meeting. Hugs, Magic

gabigoo

Thank you for all the advice! The Beginners Meeting is for anyone with 6 meetings or less- they pull out the beginners from the group to meet with them. The other meeting is going on at the same time. They say they do this so that ew can get to know different members of the group as well as new people in the group. I have gone to this same meeting each week and there is always a different person signed up for the beginners group. But my problem is that 3 times now the person has monoploized the time with their issues. They say that the purpose of the beginners group is to let the new people talk and share in a smaller group and begin to learn how Al Anon works. I must have chosen the wrong group to join. I am going to try a different group this weekend.

ChillGal

Hi Gabigoo
I also went to a couple of meetings like this. I found all I did was listen to one person's story and i really didn't like what they had to say. I was quoted the steps and felt really pressured. They are not all like that. Go to another meeting or maybe stay in the group rather than go with the beginners. Maybe you are just ready for the full meal deal. Keep picking a different spot and you will find one. Good luck.

dax

I would go to another meeting. I have found that what I call 'career alanons 'gets so wrapped up in what they have to share, no one else gets to talk. A smaller meeting might be better. If you are shy about sharing in the west Houston area, you will not get a chance to talk in a big meetings. The old timers want to talk. They all know each other and tend to call on only their friends.The small meetings are best for me. Just my opinion. dax

teendoc

Gabigoo: I go to beginner's meetings in the same area you attend. I was told that the reason for the beginner's meeting was so that you hear other people's stories to see how they arrived at Al-Anon. They want you to hear 6 people's experiences before going to the regular meeting. You are also supposed to practice supportive listening.

Even after they finish sharing, they relate the things you then share to their own experiences in an attempt to show you that you are not alone. But if you've done this enough time, you can go to a regular meeting if you want to. You don't have to go to 6 if you don't want to.

Hope this helps.