My life is a mess
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 93
My life is a mess
I've been sober for nearly a month. For the most part, it has been great. However, the one downside (other than the anxiety) has been the repeated "smack me in the face" realizations of how effed up my life has become.
I am on the verge of bankruptcy.
I have destroyed my career.
I have destroyed most of my meaningful relationships.
Basically, both my home life and work life are a total and complete wreck. Sometimes I feel okay with this (I understand that it will get better as I continue down the process of recovery). But today I'm having an especially low day. Looking at the huge pile of unpaid bills (and having no clue how I will ever being to pay them down) and looking for jobs with zero luck has really gotten me down.
I know things will get better. I just need to have faith and I MUST keep going with my sobriety. Still, it's incredibly depressing.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
I am on the verge of bankruptcy.
I have destroyed my career.
I have destroyed most of my meaningful relationships.
Basically, both my home life and work life are a total and complete wreck. Sometimes I feel okay with this (I understand that it will get better as I continue down the process of recovery). But today I'm having an especially low day. Looking at the huge pile of unpaid bills (and having no clue how I will ever being to pay them down) and looking for jobs with zero luck has really gotten me down.
I know things will get better. I just need to have faith and I MUST keep going with my sobriety. Still, it's incredibly depressing.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
I absolutely understand and feel for you.
I'm still picking up the mess, will take another 2 years.
But if I drink, I know it is over for good. 2 years of financial sacrifice for a Lifetime of happiness in recovery sounds like a sweet deal to me.
Stay strong
I'm still picking up the mess, will take another 2 years.
But if I drink, I know it is over for good. 2 years of financial sacrifice for a Lifetime of happiness in recovery sounds like a sweet deal to me.
Stay strong
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi.
Try to remember that we stay sober one day at a time in a row. I needed to remind myself daily that if I didn’t pick up the first drink I wouldn’t have to try to get sober again.
These things you lost will be replaced with sober living in time, it’s been proven.
BE WELL
Try to remember that we stay sober one day at a time in a row. I needed to remind myself daily that if I didn’t pick up the first drink I wouldn’t have to try to get sober again.
These things you lost will be replaced with sober living in time, it’s been proven.
BE WELL
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
don't forget to remember how much MORE messed up it could be if you just kept on drinking....
It took us a long time to get our lives in the pickles we managed to drive them into.
So, it will take time to correct these situations and turn things around.
The good news is that even with all the messes and the situations and the circumstances we've got to face - we can now face them with clear minds, open hearts and peace. We can now look around our lives RIGHT NOW and find at any moment at least One Good Thing to be grateful for. And... as it turns out... One Good Thing Leads To Another.
I totally understand the dreaded feeling of the piled-up backlog of messes in life. I've created many of my own. Every day I choose to find a positive focus for the day and resolve to step forward doing the next right thing with faith that it is all headed in better and higher directions.
So far in sobriety, that has been bearing fruit and I believe with all my worth that if you do this, it will work for you too.
Hang in there.
It took us a long time to get our lives in the pickles we managed to drive them into.
So, it will take time to correct these situations and turn things around.
The good news is that even with all the messes and the situations and the circumstances we've got to face - we can now face them with clear minds, open hearts and peace. We can now look around our lives RIGHT NOW and find at any moment at least One Good Thing to be grateful for. And... as it turns out... One Good Thing Leads To Another.
I totally understand the dreaded feeling of the piled-up backlog of messes in life. I've created many of my own. Every day I choose to find a positive focus for the day and resolve to step forward doing the next right thing with faith that it is all headed in better and higher directions.
So far in sobriety, that has been bearing fruit and I believe with all my worth that if you do this, it will work for you too.
Hang in there.
I will NOT drink to that!
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Baltimore MD USA
Posts: 634
I feel you. My drinking had me on the verge of foreclosure. I would dip into my mortgage money to drink. The husband & I drank every single day, you don't know how many times we over-drew our bank account because of drinking. It was an awful cycle. I am still in the early stages of sobriety but I have been looking at our bank records & realized how much money we had pissed away drinking. It saddens me.
I hate having to "fix" me....but you know what? No one else can fix you but you. It is a journey. In essence, you are getting to know yourself all over again. Now is the time to recreate a new relationship with yourself. Love your own company, take yourself out on a date, view yourself with brand new eyes. You are living human being who deserves the best life has to offer....make that good life for yourself. You can do.
(((hugs)))
I hate having to "fix" me....but you know what? No one else can fix you but you. It is a journey. In essence, you are getting to know yourself all over again. Now is the time to recreate a new relationship with yourself. Love your own company, take yourself out on a date, view yourself with brand new eyes. You are living human being who deserves the best life has to offer....make that good life for yourself. You can do.
(((hugs)))
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Hi Night n Day
When i sobered up in the begining i had days like these hang in there as youve said it does (trust me it really does) get better
i also had a debt that needed sorting so i rang it up one day and arranged something that i could afford
i am now paying it off
i really relate just hang in there bud
When i sobered up in the begining i had days like these hang in there as youve said it does (trust me it really does) get better
i also had a debt that needed sorting so i rang it up one day and arranged something that i could afford
i am now paying it off
i really relate just hang in there bud
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 93
Thanks everybody. I just feel almost sick to my stomach over this. There's nothing physically wrong with me (I've had the full bloodwork and once over from my doctor done) but emotionally I am a wreck. I'm sitting here in front of the computer screen feeling like I'm going to throw up from anxiety. Just looking through all the wasted opportunities, all the financial messes, all the embarrassing stunts I pulled. When I was drinking I didn't have to "face" any of this -- I could just let it keep piling up and pretend it wasn't real. I now see the absurdity of that type of thinking. I don't want to take a drink at all -- I have zero desire to touch alcohol. But I sure would like to crawl under a rock and hide for a while.
I just want to bury my head in the sand and not have to deal with any of this.
I just want to bury my head in the sand and not have to deal with any of this.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
are you in AA or a program? Working steps?
do you have a counselor?
For me, the weight of it all required active work and effort.
Seeing a counselor for anxiety and fear and stress and emotional processing has been really key.
Working the steps and going to AA has helped bring some sense to it all and is helping me resolve inner conflict and work toward letting go of some long-held crap that is weighing me down.
Also - learning to meditate and getting exercise are really essential to managing it.
These are things that have helped me, in dealing with similar feelings.
do you have a counselor?
For me, the weight of it all required active work and effort.
Seeing a counselor for anxiety and fear and stress and emotional processing has been really key.
Working the steps and going to AA has helped bring some sense to it all and is helping me resolve inner conflict and work toward letting go of some long-held crap that is weighing me down.
Also - learning to meditate and getting exercise are really essential to managing it.
These are things that have helped me, in dealing with similar feelings.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 93
Originally Posted by FreeOwl 
are you in AA or a program? Working steps?
do you have a counselor?
For me, the weight of it all required active work and effort.
Seeing a counselor for anxiety and fear and stress and emotional processing has been really key.
Working the steps and going to AA has helped bring some sense to it all and is helping me resolve inner conflict and work toward letting go of some long-held crap that is weighing me down.
Also - learning to meditate and getting exercise are really essential to managing it.
These are things that have helped me, in dealing with similar feelings.
do you have a counselor?
For me, the weight of it all required active work and effort.
Seeing a counselor for anxiety and fear and stress and emotional processing has been really key.
Working the steps and going to AA has helped bring some sense to it all and is helping me resolve inner conflict and work toward letting go of some long-held crap that is weighing me down.
Also - learning to meditate and getting exercise are really essential to managing it.
These are things that have helped me, in dealing with similar feelings.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
good... keep at that. Work the steps if you haven't started... it does help.
I understand about the counselor issue.... that is a challenge. Talk to your sponsor regularly, share at meetings, get things out there... often just telling other human beings about our struggles is enough to begin to heal.
You might consider meditation. It has been really really helpful for me. I found free meditation guidance in a local Zen center. You might find something like that in your area or if you're not comfortable with that... there is plenty of stuff online about how to do basic meditation.
It really has been a huge help to me in taming the anxiety and settling the fear.
I understand about the counselor issue.... that is a challenge. Talk to your sponsor regularly, share at meetings, get things out there... often just telling other human beings about our struggles is enough to begin to heal.
You might consider meditation. It has been really really helpful for me. I found free meditation guidance in a local Zen center. You might find something like that in your area or if you're not comfortable with that... there is plenty of stuff online about how to do basic meditation.
It really has been a huge help to me in taming the anxiety and settling the fear.
Life is an unlikely miracle.
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: England
Posts: 1,859
About your money problems, NightNday--
Citizen's Advice (if you're UK ) are really good for sorting out debts, they will make the phone calls for you.
Credit cards will freeze interest and.put you on a £1 per month payment.
Utilities will also freeze payments for a while.
It's fine to be honest and tell them you are in recovery and you intent to honour your debts when you are able.
I've had a few days where I just hid away and felt dread, and that is what I did for about a week, then I started to deal with things one thing at a time, the easiest things first.
I went bankrupt about eight years ago, it's not that painful, it clears everything and give you a new start- many people have to do it.
You' ll be fine, one day at a time, little steps.
Citizen's Advice (if you're UK ) are really good for sorting out debts, they will make the phone calls for you.
Credit cards will freeze interest and.put you on a £1 per month payment.
Utilities will also freeze payments for a while.
It's fine to be honest and tell them you are in recovery and you intent to honour your debts when you are able.
I've had a few days where I just hid away and felt dread, and that is what I did for about a week, then I started to deal with things one thing at a time, the easiest things first.
I went bankrupt about eight years ago, it's not that painful, it clears everything and give you a new start- many people have to do it.
You' ll be fine, one day at a time, little steps.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 93
Originally Posted by JanieJ
About your money problems, NightNday--
Citizen's Advice (if you're UK ) are really good for sorting out debts, they will make the phone calls for you.
Credit cards will freeze interest and.put you on a £1 per month payment.
Utilities will also freeze payments for a while.
It's fine to be honest and tell them you are in recovery and you intent to honour your debts when you are able.
I've had a few days where I just hid away and felt dread, and that is what I did for about a week, then I started to deal with things one thing at a time, the easiest things first.
I went bankrupt about eight years ago, it's not that painful, it clears everything and give you a new start- many people have to do it.
You' ll be fine, one day at a time, little steps.
Citizen's Advice (if you're UK ) are really good for sorting out debts, they will make the phone calls for you.
Credit cards will freeze interest and.put you on a £1 per month payment.
Utilities will also freeze payments for a while.
It's fine to be honest and tell them you are in recovery and you intent to honour your debts when you are able.
I've had a few days where I just hid away and felt dread, and that is what I did for about a week, then I started to deal with things one thing at a time, the easiest things first.
I went bankrupt about eight years ago, it's not that painful, it clears everything and give you a new start- many people have to do it.
You' ll be fine, one day at a time, little steps.
Another thing I envy about life in the UK
I definitely would prefer to have more affordable healthcare options. I appreciate your advice very much. I know I've just got to hang in there and keep at it. Drinking solves nothing. It's taken me a decade to figure that out (smacks head against the wall).
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: east coast
Posts: 451
Nightandday there is a website called www.helpmepaymybills that has a lot of helpful information regarding services programs and things you can do yourself to help with debt.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: east coast
Posts: 451
Also a reputable debt counseling program ( recommended by Susie Orman) is National Foundation for Credit Counseling | National Foundation for Credit Counseling
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: east coast
Posts: 451
Also if your in need of free mental health /counseling enter 211 and your state in your browser there is a lot of resources / help that is in your state. It's not just mental health help there is all kind of help for various things. Things you might even of thought u could get help with. You can also just dial 211 on your phone 24 hrs 7 days a week and speak to a person about whatever ever u may be looking for help with. Every state offers this service. Don't give up!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Northern NJ
Posts: 174
Lots of good advice here - I was in credit card debt over 15k over multiple cards. The first thing i did was cancel them so i cant use them. Now closing cards will have a negative effect on your credit but id rather rebuild the credit later than continue wracking up massive debt. Contact all your cards and tell them you want to go on a hardship plan. Explain to them your situation and they will drop your interest rate down below 5%. My citi card was brought down to 0% and my chase card to 3%. You can pay manageable payments that will all go toward paying them off. Do not do a debt settlement for the most part they are scams - even the legit ones are fishy to me.
You have to remember that these deals are all predicated on making on time payments. 1 or 2 missed payments and back paying 29.9% interest.
I have recommended to others in similar situations to start selling stuff on ebay and or amazon. You would be surprised the money you can make selling crap from garage sales on ebay. A $100 investment worth of stuff can easily yield $500 if your buying the right stuff. I you want some tips just PM i will gladly help.
I have been right where you are 1 year ago and now have plenty of money, a savings for once in my life and my credit debt below 5k with all bills up to date.
You can do it, it just takes those initial steps to get things moving. Pondering the situation does nothing to remedy it - only action will pull you out of that hole. With that comes less stress and overall happiness. Of course this needs to be all done SOBER!!
You have to remember that these deals are all predicated on making on time payments. 1 or 2 missed payments and back paying 29.9% interest.
I have recommended to others in similar situations to start selling stuff on ebay and or amazon. You would be surprised the money you can make selling crap from garage sales on ebay. A $100 investment worth of stuff can easily yield $500 if your buying the right stuff. I you want some tips just PM i will gladly help.
I have been right where you are 1 year ago and now have plenty of money, a savings for once in my life and my credit debt below 5k with all bills up to date.
You can do it, it just takes those initial steps to get things moving. Pondering the situation does nothing to remedy it - only action will pull you out of that hole. With that comes less stress and overall happiness. Of course this needs to be all done SOBER!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 1,737
Originally Posted by NightNDay
I know things will get better. I just need to have faith and I MUST keep going with my sobriety. Still, it's incredibly depressing.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Your work and personal lives have been affected, mine was too. It takes time - just trust the process, and only take on what you can realistically deal with in the present. All the other stuff, if you choose to, you can put on a notepad (I had to, my memory was toast in the early days) and simply deal with the ones at the top of the list and scratch them off as you go along.
Slow and steady wins this race, don't obsess and allow yourself to get overwhelmed with things that are beyond your control. It will all fall into place, just take care of sobriety and whatever else your resources and sanity can accommodate each day.
Good luck, you are doing fine.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
