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how do i stop hating God?

Old 12-04-2014, 04:49 AM
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how do i stop hating God?

So here's my deal...my Mom's brother (her only sibling) jumped off a frogdamn bridge to his death early this year. Her parents finally relocated to be close to her, my dad and and sister just before then. Things were rough but we supported each other. Just a couple of months ago, my Mom's dad (Daddy Irvin) got diagnosed with terminal esophageal cancer. Expect a year or so. Well, at least we'll have Christmas, right? Wrong. He gets admitted to the hospital a little over a week ago because he can't eat and he's stove up (read: constipated). It's been DAYS. He's retaining fluids and we just now find out that his heart is failing. I'm 2500 miles away. I'm about as useful as **** on a bull. This past Sunday, he died. Now, my Mom is dealing with a senile, mobility impaired Nana and my Dad who is still too busy with work and all of the stress dealing with her father's death. My sister is showing up but i foresee them coming to hate each other. I'm heading back home and can all i can see is a very sad Christmas Day as we will be missing my Uncle AND my Daddy Irvin. Why couldn't God give us these tragedies in digestible chunks? If God doesn't care, why should I? I really, REALLY hate GOD right now. I'm angry, Angry, ANGRY!!!!!!!!! I don't know where to go right now. My heart hurts so much and i don't know how to stop being angry and sad.
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Old 12-04-2014, 04:59 AM
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I am so sorry for your losses.

As far as being angry at God, I think you are a looking for a place for your anger and grief to land. You are dealing with things that are not in your control and that you can't fix. You need to be angry right now before you can move on to acceptance. And I am betting that God understands that. So let yourself scream and be angry right now.
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Old 12-04-2014, 04:59 AM
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I am sorry to learn of your losses.

It is sometimes easier to be angry than sad. I think when you are ready to be sad and get through the grieving process your anger will abate.

Peace be with you.
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Old 12-04-2014, 05:06 AM
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Hi Babe.... they always say he never gives you more then you can deal with.. I don't believe that for a breath.. I am so sorry to hear of the pain on this dark path for you and Mom and Family.. but I truly believe that your GrandDad is no longer in pain.. and has holiday time with Family that was waiting for him... love and so many Prayers ardy ... watch the Stars in the Sky for they are those that have gone on first they twinkle as in winks of I Love You.. from those that we miss so much...
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Old 12-04-2014, 05:59 AM
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i can never come to see or believe in a god like some people do, when they talk about a god removing there compulsion for drink or god protected them from losing there driving license or going to jail or losing there wife etc

it just doesn't make any sense to me as i lost the lot and no one protect me from all the pits etc

so that then opens the question up that if there is a god and god protect some it would mean god doesnt protect others

when it comes to life and death the question again would be that god would save some and then let others die

when i watched how my little lad suffered with his cancer and all his fears of death as he was only 16
i knew without any doubt left that there can not be a god that can sit back and let it happen if they have that power

on a positive side of things i am not angry at anyone for losing my son, i have come to accept its life its how life is for some

i have also come to understand just what powerless really is having to sit and watch helpless as my son died, i would of given my own life to save him if i could but there was nothing i could do but just be there for him every min of the day

so getting angry at anyone or anything else is just a waste of me time and effort and energy and it will never bring my son back or change what has happend

but i can change what happens in my day either sit there feeling low and sorry for myself and blame everything and everyone or get off my back side and go and do something positive like help someone else etc

i know if i sit and do nothing i will only get worse and who knows where that will take me so i have to do things this way in my life today otherwise i will suffer even worse
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Old 12-04-2014, 06:12 AM
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I'm sorry for your troubles. My only helpful advice can be to leave god out of the equation entirely. Bad stuff happens, sometimes in groups. Blame no one, and do your very best to be of service to those in pain, including yourself.
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Old 12-04-2014, 06:21 AM
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sorry for your loss
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Old 12-04-2014, 06:24 AM
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When I lost my sister on 9/11, I hated God.
When I lost both my mother and grandmother on the same day, I hated God.

But luckily for me God didn't hate me back. He knew the pain I was in and my anger...and man I was angry! Not just at God, but at everything. And then the anger turned inward and depression took hold. And I self-medicated. And I thought, like you, if God doesn't care, why should I?

But... in time, the anger and sadness abated. And through my tears and hurt I saw that God was still there. He hadn't abandoned me like I thought. And he may seem very distant to you now, but I know he will remain with you.

Your pain is new and searing hot... scream, get angry, cry, do what you need to do. Just understand that God will see you and your family through this. Take care
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Old 12-04-2014, 06:27 AM
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I am terribly sorry to hear about your losses and troubles. The faster you realize that a god of any kind has anything to do with these situations the better off you'll be. No magical hand gave your grandfather cancer or willed your uncle to his death. Real life circumstances lead to all these things all of which are out of your control. There is nothing wrong with believing in a higher power of some kind but dont be lead to believe they have anything to do with life.
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Old 12-04-2014, 06:34 AM
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There are few words to assuage the bitter anguish of death. Knowing it is a reality for all us doesn't seem to help much and commonly we blame or are mad at God. I am sorry for your pain.

Here's my experience - I won't go into every detail, but many - myself included, are not strangers to these gut wrenching, trying times....

Several years ago my Sister passed. She was sick for a long period and was a follower of Christ for all of her adult life. Passed away at 56 years old, 4 children. At the time I drank my way through it, as I did with all things. I had zero sense or development of spirituality and cared nothing about organized religion ( still don't, much)

On her death bed I spoke to her over the phone for the very last time. I was inconsolable - sobbing and crying. She was very lucid and said - Wow, your taking this real hard aren't you sweetie???

I sobbed, yes. She replied - Why? You know my Faith! It is but a passing of the season....

At her memorial service her four children spoke, sang and cherished a life well lived. Not one of them shed a tear. There was touching humor and reminiscing of the Joy she had in her life. That day, I experience true grace for the very first time. It changed my life. My sister had a masters in voice and was given a voice from God.

I will share this link of her singing with all
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JU_EkKmq-c4

I will not quote scripture, nor give you any flowery words of hope and peace. I will pray for peace for you and your family.

I claim no divine understanding of God and His purpose. But, through daily prayer and readings I have grown in a relationship with Christ and He is indeed with you even in your anger...........

Warm Regards and prayers,
FlyN
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Old 12-04-2014, 06:44 AM
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Dieing
People come and people go
the last one that we should blame
would be God

Best to thank him
for the time we had together

MM
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Old 12-04-2014, 06:45 AM
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Your sister has a lovely voice! Thanks for sharing that Fly
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Old 12-04-2014, 07:00 AM
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Im sorry for your loss

i lost my mum 5 years ago my mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer and died 3 months after diagonosis

it tore my family to shreds we buried her 5 years ago Today

Christmas is a very diffrent time for me if you ever need to talk we are all here
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Old 12-04-2014, 07:12 AM
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Prayers to so many .. and Thank you from the bottom of my heart Flynbuy,, for the share of your sisters voice.. I feel she would be so proud of you as you are of her...... ok I need a tissue as a Blue Star Mom we cry a bunch... love and know that were ever we go after this.. it is to the place we hold in Our Hearts and Minds forever.. ardy...





Originally Posted by Flynbuy View Post
There are few words to assuage the bitter anguish of death. Knowing it is a reality for all us doesn't seem to help much and commonly we blame or are mad at God. I am sorry for your pain.

Here's my experience - I won't go into every detail, but many - myself included, are not strangers to these gut wrenching, trying times....

Several years ago my Sister passed. She was sick for a long period and was a follower of Christ for all of her adult life. Passed away at 56 years old, 4 children. At the time I drank my way through it, as I did with all things. I had zero sense or development of spirituality and cared nothing about organized religion ( still don't, much)

On her death bed I spoke to her over the phone for the very last time. I was inconsolable - sobbing and crying. She was very lucid and said - Wow, your taking this real hard aren't you sweetie???

I sobbed, yes. She replied - Why? You know my Faith! It is but a passing of the season....

At her memorial service her four children spoke, sang and cherished a life well lived. Not one of them shed a tear. There was touching humor and reminiscing of the Joy she had in her life. That day, I experience true grace for the very first time. It changed my life. My sister had a masters in voice and was given a voice from God.

I will share this link of her singing with all
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JU_EkKmq-c4

I will not quote scripture, nor give you any flowery words of hope and peace. I will pray for peace for you and your family.

I claim no divine understanding of God and His purpose. But, through daily prayer and readings I have grown in a relationship with Christ and He is indeed with you even in your anger...........

Warm Regards and prayers,
FlyN
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Old 12-04-2014, 07:14 AM
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Sorry for your loss. Not sure if now is the best time to get into theology but I believe God loves you and if you ever want to talk PM me.
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Old 12-04-2014, 07:24 AM
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It's ok to be mad at God.
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Old 12-04-2014, 07:37 AM
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I also want to add that i have been sober for the last 2 remembrance anniversaries for my late mother

it does get easier over time

hang in there
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Old 12-04-2014, 07:39 AM
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I'm sorry for the losses in your family.

As others have said, anger is a natural emotion in the face of grief. You are not yet ready to feel all the pain and the anger is protecting you from that. Grieving is a process.
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Old 12-04-2014, 08:22 AM
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Displaced, I am sorry for your pain. My beliefs are a bit shaky at times but it is ok to be angry. You have been through a lot of death and upheaval. Cancer stinks. Plain and simple. Everyone else is more eloquent. Hang in there.

And flynby, that made me cry. It was so beautiful and inspiring.
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Old 12-04-2014, 09:28 AM
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I understand. My Debbie passed. Two days ago, my very good friend passed after a long battle with cancer. Depressing. I'm not mad. I'm just so dang sad.

I pray you find peace. I pray I find it also.
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