pookielou

My divorce decree states that XAH is to take a breath test if I believe alcohol is in his system before custody transfer of our daughter. For ten months he refused to take one. Because of our daughter's seizures and his unwillingness to test I filed modification in custody. Nothing would change much to how things were already operating. It would just be in writing.

So he hired an attorney.... Now he is all willing to take a breath test and take his visits. He passed a breath test Sunday. He wouldn't take my $150 nuisance fee for testing negative.

Now he wants to take my daughter fom his mom during the day while I am working. His mom watches our daughter while I work. XAH used to (up until yesterday) take his visit while his mom was present. Now he is angry with her and they can't be in the same room. I can't leave midday to oversee a breath test and his family would never ask him to take one. He says he will take one after the fact, but at that point he already had our daughter in his car, driving with her. She is two. And the likelihood of her having a seizure soon is pretty great.

I offered him the evenings with a test before the visit. He won't do it. Just after the visit. I've discussed with my attorney. If I do refuse an unsupervised visit, I'm sure my XAH will file papers accusing me of contempt. Is it worth the risk? What are the chances that he isn't an alcoholic and can "turn off" his drinking at will? I feel like I bet my whole life that he wasn't an alcoholic when I married him and lost the bet. But now I'm wondering....

lillamy

I got nothing. I think this is one of those situations where you just have to trust what your lawyer tells you and weigh the pros and cons. Good luck!

hopeful4

I think it depends on the person and what stage they are at. It states in my divorce decree my X may not drink. He has twice that I know of, once while they were at an event, my kids called me and I came and got them.

Another time not too long ago when I dropped them off at his place. That did not involve driving and I let them stay, but never will again, ever. That was my mistake.

It's a hard call to make, but I am wondering that even if he were to take you for contempt, is your attorney able to explain WHY it is happening with any success?

I know for me, if I want to test my X it has to be on my time. If he fails, he pays, if he passes, I pay. There is no "inconvenience fee" associated, just the cost of the test.

Lucky for me, I can tell on sight or by phone if my X has been drinking, I don't really even need a test. I insist on actually seeing him and speaking with him before he is with our children. My kids are a bit older, 9 and 15, so I made sure they had phones to call me should the need arise, and it has, so it's money well spent.

Refiner

Doesn't that make HIM in contempt? I'm not following...

hopeful4

Nothing happens if you are in contempt unless the other party takes you back to court. The joys of parenting with an alcoholic......