One more alcoholic finally waking up... I'm ready to quit!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 41
One more alcoholic finally waking up... I'm ready to quit!
Sorry for the long post but this has been building up over the years and I finally want to start to be sober. I am 140 pounds and drink roughly one 24 ounce steel rserve with 1-7 shots of 50% liquor... In a few hours... Back to back shots like it's nothing...
I am a 23 year old male who has drank/smoked weed and done various other drugs over the years since I was 15, first shot at 13. I was very quiet in jr high and HS and I knew that if I got into drugs I would find "friends'. Sure enough I found some 'friends' and we did have many, many great nights over the years, between drinking and other drugs I did have fun. Drinking and smoking was strictly a social thing.
My parents called the cops on me when I was intoxicated when I was 15 and that started a long road of legal trouble... I am her second born and she honestly thought she was helping me by calling the cops.. Over the years as a minor my parents and I had many fights over drugs and alcohol and led to more legal troule.
Fast forward to my senior year, first bonfire... I get hammered with a friend and got arrested on school property in front of the entire school that night (intoxicated). This led me to threaten to kill a cop (felony) and and get kicked out of HS and miss prom/graduation/etc. My mom was devistated. All charges were dropped (MIP, felony against an LEO) because my parents convinced them that getting kicked out and arrested was punishment enough.
After all that I STILL continue to drink. Fast forward from when I'm 18-20, can't keep a job for more than a few months, constantly buying drugs and alcohol, no money, no personal responsibility, very reckless behaviour at this point such as blacking out and drinking and driving... All this by myelf, isolating myself from everyone because when I drank I drank to get ****** up.. People literlly could not keep up with my intake in such a short period of time, which lead to massive black outs (12 hours sometimes!!).
At 20 I decided I needed to make a change... I joined the Military which made my parents extremely happy. I was working out, had no job, was focusing on my health, but at the same time I was getting drunk every night by myself and I barely pass a UA to get in... I got through training and then when I got out I got drunk and bought some weed and failed my VERY first UA at my unit... How do I explain to my mom that? At that point I got a letter in the mail that said BYE! DISCHARGE! At that point I said **** it and stopped going to drill, turns out it was only a warning... I stopped showing up to drill and when I did show up I was ****** up and only caused issues...
21-23 years... After I got back from training I had 5K saved up, moved out for the first time and found an entry level IT job. Was "going good" for 10 months but was partying every day and night... I managed to work 5am-130pm with no issues, but then I drank right at 2pm when I was home... I quit because I was so hungover that day... I don't even know why I quit.. I just couldn't do it that day... Blew all 5 grand in less than a few months...
More legal trouble... Attacked a resident that was in my house against my will, when the cops show up I'm the only one ****** up with a knife... 2 weeks in jail and 3 months later at an in-county recovery place, I was actually sober for 3 months! I felt awesome!
Back to now... I managed to get this great job not once, not twice, but 3 times! First time failed because of Tenure policies, 2nd time was because of my background check failed, and a few months later I get another offer for the same position! (16/hr)
I told myself that if I got this job I would quit... Didn't happen... Started drinking again everyday since August and it's been a constant struggle ever since....
Yesterday I got some LSD and told myself that I would not drink and save it for the weekend and hopefully kick it for good. After doing shrooms once I literally had an epiphany and quit drinking for months... Thought maybe LSD could do the same...
So I tell myself, I'll just get 2 shots... 2 shots later and I think it's a good idea to take 1 hit of LSD (7pm), knowing I have to wake up at 6AM. An hour later and a few more shots and I took the other 3 hits... WTF was I thinking?! I literally tripped nuts all night and had to call my boss sort of ****** up and had to get a shift change for the day... Could barely talk!! Embarsassing considering the fact that I've missed 2 days in less than the 2 months I've been here...
Today, I want to stop.
I am tired of the hurt I've caused my family. I'm tired of having to find new jobs. I'm tired of ruining relationships and missing improtant events like birhtdays and thanksgiving because I'd rather hole up in my room and drink...I'm tired of taking dangerous combinations of drugs together because I think it's fun when I'm drunk... I'm tired of being such an emotinal wreck... I'm tired of being so ****** up the next day I can't even string sentences toegether... I'm tired of blacking out for 12 hours at a time... I'm tired of being a failure as a person... I'm 23 years old but I'm not even close to acting like an adult... My parents give me so much love and support and it breaks my heart when I justify my drinking to myself... My sister also has huge drinking issues but she has managed to stay sober.. I am jealous.
I am a shell of my former sober self. I made this thread because I saw someone who was counting days sober... And they were on day 2000-something. I cry inside when I see a number like that because I can barely get past day 1!
I like to think I am fianlly ready and today marks day 1 as being sober....
I plan on attending AA meetings and I've trying to learn certain triggers for myself like HALT - Hungry Angry Lonely Tired.
I plan to start working out and eating right. I want to get back together with my family and just be with them...
I am a 23 year old male who has drank/smoked weed and done various other drugs over the years since I was 15, first shot at 13. I was very quiet in jr high and HS and I knew that if I got into drugs I would find "friends'. Sure enough I found some 'friends' and we did have many, many great nights over the years, between drinking and other drugs I did have fun. Drinking and smoking was strictly a social thing.
My parents called the cops on me when I was intoxicated when I was 15 and that started a long road of legal trouble... I am her second born and she honestly thought she was helping me by calling the cops.. Over the years as a minor my parents and I had many fights over drugs and alcohol and led to more legal troule.
Fast forward to my senior year, first bonfire... I get hammered with a friend and got arrested on school property in front of the entire school that night (intoxicated). This led me to threaten to kill a cop (felony) and and get kicked out of HS and miss prom/graduation/etc. My mom was devistated. All charges were dropped (MIP, felony against an LEO) because my parents convinced them that getting kicked out and arrested was punishment enough.
After all that I STILL continue to drink. Fast forward from when I'm 18-20, can't keep a job for more than a few months, constantly buying drugs and alcohol, no money, no personal responsibility, very reckless behaviour at this point such as blacking out and drinking and driving... All this by myelf, isolating myself from everyone because when I drank I drank to get ****** up.. People literlly could not keep up with my intake in such a short period of time, which lead to massive black outs (12 hours sometimes!!).
At 20 I decided I needed to make a change... I joined the Military which made my parents extremely happy. I was working out, had no job, was focusing on my health, but at the same time I was getting drunk every night by myself and I barely pass a UA to get in... I got through training and then when I got out I got drunk and bought some weed and failed my VERY first UA at my unit... How do I explain to my mom that? At that point I got a letter in the mail that said BYE! DISCHARGE! At that point I said **** it and stopped going to drill, turns out it was only a warning... I stopped showing up to drill and when I did show up I was ****** up and only caused issues...
21-23 years... After I got back from training I had 5K saved up, moved out for the first time and found an entry level IT job. Was "going good" for 10 months but was partying every day and night... I managed to work 5am-130pm with no issues, but then I drank right at 2pm when I was home... I quit because I was so hungover that day... I don't even know why I quit.. I just couldn't do it that day... Blew all 5 grand in less than a few months...
More legal trouble... Attacked a resident that was in my house against my will, when the cops show up I'm the only one ****** up with a knife... 2 weeks in jail and 3 months later at an in-county recovery place, I was actually sober for 3 months! I felt awesome!
Back to now... I managed to get this great job not once, not twice, but 3 times! First time failed because of Tenure policies, 2nd time was because of my background check failed, and a few months later I get another offer for the same position! (16/hr)
I told myself that if I got this job I would quit... Didn't happen... Started drinking again everyday since August and it's been a constant struggle ever since....
Yesterday I got some LSD and told myself that I would not drink and save it for the weekend and hopefully kick it for good. After doing shrooms once I literally had an epiphany and quit drinking for months... Thought maybe LSD could do the same...
So I tell myself, I'll just get 2 shots... 2 shots later and I think it's a good idea to take 1 hit of LSD (7pm), knowing I have to wake up at 6AM. An hour later and a few more shots and I took the other 3 hits... WTF was I thinking?! I literally tripped nuts all night and had to call my boss sort of ****** up and had to get a shift change for the day... Could barely talk!! Embarsassing considering the fact that I've missed 2 days in less than the 2 months I've been here...
Today, I want to stop.
I am tired of the hurt I've caused my family. I'm tired of having to find new jobs. I'm tired of ruining relationships and missing improtant events like birhtdays and thanksgiving because I'd rather hole up in my room and drink...I'm tired of taking dangerous combinations of drugs together because I think it's fun when I'm drunk... I'm tired of being such an emotinal wreck... I'm tired of being so ****** up the next day I can't even string sentences toegether... I'm tired of blacking out for 12 hours at a time... I'm tired of being a failure as a person... I'm 23 years old but I'm not even close to acting like an adult... My parents give me so much love and support and it breaks my heart when I justify my drinking to myself... My sister also has huge drinking issues but she has managed to stay sober.. I am jealous.
I am a shell of my former sober self. I made this thread because I saw someone who was counting days sober... And they were on day 2000-something. I cry inside when I see a number like that because I can barely get past day 1!
I like to think I am fianlly ready and today marks day 1 as being sober....
I plan on attending AA meetings and I've trying to learn certain triggers for myself like HALT - Hungry Angry Lonely Tired.
I plan to start working out and eating right. I want to get back together with my family and just be with them...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 1,130
It's great you have posted here and you want to get sober. Well done.
First of all please get rid of the LSD you bought yesterday. It will not help you to quit any other drugs or drink as I think you know.
You said you want to go to AA. That also sounds like a good idea because you'll be in a safe place and you'll get some face to face support.
If you stick around here we'll offer you support. But we can't sort out your problems for you. You need to get started on a programme of action right away. We wish you all the best.
First of all please get rid of the LSD you bought yesterday. It will not help you to quit any other drugs or drink as I think you know.
You said you want to go to AA. That also sounds like a good idea because you'll be in a safe place and you'll get some face to face support.
If you stick around here we'll offer you support. But we can't sort out your problems for you. You need to get started on a programme of action right away. We wish you all the best.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,466
We do understand how hard this is. And, I know how very low I felt when I finally stopped drinking. I never want to go back to that place again. Alcoholism robs us of ourselves and our lives. I'm so glad you have decided to stop drinking. We are here for you.
Stay positive.
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 84
It's great that you realize and accept that you have a problem. What's even better is that you're willing to fix it. You're so young and have so much life ahead of you, now is the time. I am almost 30 and I wish I could be 23 again and do it all differently... Save the people who I hurt the heartache. Try and weed out the bad 'friends' and get yourself a good support system. Be strong 
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Well done on making a day 1 you have a world of support here at SR were all in your corner and 110% behind your decision there is 24h support
throw the Lsd away dump it
you can do this
Its really nice to meet you
throw the Lsd away dump it
you can do this
Its really nice to meet you
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Well done on making a day 1 you have a world of support here at SR were all in your corner and 110% behind your decision there is 24h support
throw the Lsd away dump it
you can do this
Its really nice to meet you
throw the Lsd away dump it
you can do this
Its really nice to meet you
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 1,305
Wow, that's quite a story...you've put yourself through a lot at such a young age. I can definitely imagine you're ready to stop. Welcome to SR, and please keep reading and posting. We are totally here for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 41
Thanks for all the replies! I am going to try to go to my first AA meeting tomorrow around 6 or 8PM, my city has quite a few places.
I felt so relieved to finally get all this off my chest... I'm sitting here at work on my lunch break right now, and the first thing that popped into my head was "should I go to the liquor store real quick? I feel amazing!"
But I realize that's just the booze talking.
I am far from rock bottom at the moment, I have a gret job, a car, family support, I just know that if this continues on I will hit worse than rock bottom.
I threw away the 1 hit of LSD I had left. I was really happy when I got it thinking I wouldn't drink, "I'll save this for the weekend and not drink.."
Got drunk and took them instead.. Horrible Idea.
I'm done being such a ****** person, alcohol has robbed me of so many things in life and I hope I can take it a day at a time!
I felt so relieved to finally get all this off my chest... I'm sitting here at work on my lunch break right now, and the first thing that popped into my head was "should I go to the liquor store real quick? I feel amazing!"
But I realize that's just the booze talking.
I am far from rock bottom at the moment, I have a gret job, a car, family support, I just know that if this continues on I will hit worse than rock bottom.
I threw away the 1 hit of LSD I had left. I was really happy when I got it thinking I wouldn't drink, "I'll save this for the weekend and not drink.."
Got drunk and took them instead.. Horrible Idea.
I'm done being such a ****** person, alcohol has robbed me of so many things in life and I hope I can take it a day at a time!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,524
Very happy to meet you Path. Being here with us is really going to help.
It's amazing what we do to ourselves. We start out drinking to have fun and as an escape. In the end, it's total dependency and misery - never enjoyable. Without even realizing it, we've become a slave to it. In the end, alcohol ran my life. It felt so good to get free of it. We know you can do it.
It's amazing what we do to ourselves. We start out drinking to have fun and as an escape. In the end, it's total dependency and misery - never enjoyable. Without even realizing it, we've become a slave to it. In the end, alcohol ran my life. It felt so good to get free of it. We know you can do it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 41
Originally Posted by Hevyn 
Very happy to meet you Path. Being here with us is really going to help.
It's amazing what we do to ourselves. We start out drinking to have fun and as an escape. In the end, it's total dependency and misery - never enjoyable. Without even realizing it, we've become a slave to it. In the end, alcohol ran my life. It felt so good to get free of it. We know you can do it.
It's amazing what we do to ourselves. We start out drinking to have fun and as an escape. In the end, it's total dependency and misery - never enjoyable. Without even realizing it, we've become a slave to it. In the end, alcohol ran my life. It felt so good to get free of it. We know you can do it.
It starts out as fun like you said and years later you're still picking up the pieces of the life you lost.
I have missed so much I want to cry. On Thanksgiving I had dinner with my family, barely said anything then went straight to my room, was present for maybe 45 minutes...
The thing is though me and my family made specific plans for thanksgiving AND Black Friday and I missed them both...
On thanksgiving my whole family was over, we ate around 1pm, hung out talking with each after (or they did) then went shopping at 6 when the stores opened then went to see a new movie after... My mom was actually happy, we made plans the week before.
She said she wasn't mad that I didn't go and I know she wasn't mad. I know that what she felt for me was pity....
She knew that I chose to get drunk by myself instead of hang out with my family...
Not one, but two days in a row!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I've done a lot of similar things and spent a lotore of my life wasting it away on drugs and alcohol.
This place, AA, the steps, a sponsor, exercise, counseling, a shift in my whole perspective.... I am nearing a year fee of all that now.
You can do it too.... And what a blessing to be able to start again so young.
Welcome
This place, AA, the steps, a sponsor, exercise, counseling, a shift in my whole perspective.... I am nearing a year fee of all that now.
You can do it too.... And what a blessing to be able to start again so young.
Welcome
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 41
Originally Posted by DrakeCKC
You have been through a lot for someone so young. Trust me, and many others here, it will be the best thing you could do for yourself and your family/friends. SR has great people and support.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 462
You can do this! Just focus on one day, one hour , one moment. If it pops in your head to go to the liquor store, stop and watch you click for ine minute, get some ice cream, eat something, take deep breaths and don't give in!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 41
Originally Posted by EndGameNYC
How far is "far?"
I think it would be very helpful for you to give this some thought.
I think it would be very helpful for you to give this some thought.
I used to live by myself but always had people over, and after I quit my job I binged nonstop for 3 months, and everything went to ****. That's when I hit rock bottom for me - going to jail for 2 felonies and a drug charge, facing up to a year in state pen... Owing thousands on my apartment that was trashed while I was in jail but the junky "friends" destroyed. At one point in those 3 months I was highly suicidal, in those periods of binging I had gotten those two jobs offered and both got rejected, and that only further pushed me into a hole. It devastated me getting not one shot but two! And then failing again... This time around I got it on the third try.
I just got off of work and the first thing I see in the fridge is 4 beers from my dads 6 pack... So tempted but I just immediately shut the door and went upstairs.
I've hit rock bottom a few times but none as serious as when I lost my job and really destroyed my self.
I realize I still have a big issue, I'm not trying to deflect that at all. It's just I know from my past experience that while I still do have a problem, this time I can try to effectively manage it before it gets out of hand.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,222
Three weeks ago I hit what I consider to be my bottom. Completely out of control and damaging drinking.
I also have a car, house, good job and family....doesn't matter one iota. They are not used to determine a bottom. When I knew I was no longer in control of my drinking and that it would kill me I knew the point had come to do something about it.
You are thinking of a bottom in terms of the homeless drunk lying at the side of the street and that is a huge mistake.
I also have a car, house, good job and family....doesn't matter one iota. They are not used to determine a bottom. When I knew I was no longer in control of my drinking and that it would kill me I knew the point had come to do something about it.
You are thinking of a bottom in terms of the homeless drunk lying at the side of the street and that is a huge mistake.
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