Hello Everyone!
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Join Date: Sep 2010
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Hello Everyone!
Hello, how is everyone doing? I have been a long time member here but I never had the courage to post. I am a recovering drug addict. My drug was prescription pain killers.
I have fought this battle for over 14 years and I know just how tough it is.
I am currently in Westcare out patient rehab and I wrote a speech for them because something happened to me on November 17th (this will be explained in the speech I am attaching).
I want as many of those in recovery to read this because I truly believe deep down that it can help. So please, even though it is long, please read this with an open heart. Take some time and truly read the words and let them sink in.
We ALL can recover and move ahead and leave this monster called drug addition behind!!!
Here is my speech, thank you in advance for reading it!
Blessings to each and every one of you
------------------------------
The most amazing thing has happened to me and I'd like to share this with all of you including some of the lessons I have learned from it. I'm trying to quit smoking which is proving to be a bit more difficult than I expected! It was recommended to me to try e - cigarettes because they 're turning out to be pretty effective in helping a person quit smoking. I went ahead and took their advice and purchased a starter kit along with a couple bottles of nicotine liquid or "juice" as they call it. As those who vape already know, these juices come in many delicious flavors so I ended up buying a couple different ones since I couldn't make up my mind on which flavor to choose. The problem comes in with the fact that I forgot to realize that these aren't cigarettes and it can be easy to get carried away with vaping them because of how great they taste. Unfortunately, I found out that this can be extremely bad for you since you can end up overdosing on the nicotine in the oil which can very dangerous - even possibly deadly!
Being how dangerous these can be, on November 17th my heart stopped beating for a short period of time. I ended up poisoning myself from all the excessive nicotine I consumed. I'm not going to share the exact details of my overdose as this part is very personal to me. However, what I will share with you is that by the Grace of God, my heart got what lets call a "jump start". I learned a lot as a result of this miraculous act of Grace and Forgiveness. I also got an anatomy lesson as well. See, I learned that our hearts were made not just to sustain and help oxygenate our bodies but they were also made to love ourselves and others as well. You could sort of say the heart lives in the soil of a garden in which it dwells. But as anyone who gardens knows, gardens frequently grow weeds which tend to kill the very plants which grow in them!
There are quite a variety of these destructive weeds. Some of them include hate, anger, bitterness, depression, guilt, and last but certainly not least - drugs and alcohol. These weeds choke the very life from out of us (and others, too). As an addict I grew these weeds my entire life by doing drugs, hating myself, and being angry at myself and my circumstances. And of course by being angry at everyone in my life who had ever hurt me.
Eventually these destructive weeds began to serve their deadly function and even though it was the nicotine overdose that stopped my heart, it might as well had been these weeds instead. Because the reality is that my heart had been dying away from them for many years. Finally after the nicotine poisoning provided that final "push" in an instant I was gone - *poof, just like that!* out of existence, no more. It was blackness. There were no Angels on fluffy clouds, no lights at the end of tunnels, no dead pets or relatives.. there was nothing - nothing at all! But you see a wonderful thing occurred from this. For some reason love and forgiveness gave me another chance. Though as with many other things in life, it came with some pretty big conditions. Some of these include loving and forgiving myself. I must now quit the drugs and alcohol forever. I must also quit being angry at the world and myself. But last but definitely not least.. I must now let go of all that toxic guilt that was consuming me and choking the very life from my body. My heart is no longer allowed to grow these weeds. I have learned that if you go get yourself some "weed - b - gone" that you can heal like I have. Once this happens to you, you will finally realize that you no longer need drugs or alcohol to get you by in life. Instead love, kindness, and forgiveness will give you that ultimate high you have all been searching for.
One of the other things I have learned is that many of us addicts are really special, wonderful people deep down who just happen to be a little more sensitive and feel pain and other emotions just a little bit deeper than the average bear. To compensate for this we ended up learning some pretty terrible methods to ease and cope with the pain and hurt that comes with life itself.
I have also discovered that ALL of us are beautiful, even with all the scars, bumps and bruises that every one of us endure in this journey we call life. This beauty I speak of to you isn't just physical beauty, though! The beauty I'm actually speaking to you about is the beauty that comes from deep within each and every one of us.
This beauty happens to also include all those scars we have sustained from life. These scars that many of us have been hiding don't make us ugly, rather they make us ever so beautiful and serve as one heck of a powerful reminder of just how strong we truly are. That even the toughest punches that life has thrown at us have actually made us so much stronger than we really know! They are the ultimate reminder of the force to be reckoned with we all can be if only we allow it.
We all can be a force that can love and forgive and do good things for ourselves and for others. So please don't let those scars make you feel ugly - instead cherish and celebrate them! They make you so very beautiful and strong.
And so you all know, the counselors at Westcare truly DO care and really DO want to help us. Some of you might resent being here. You might feel that the only reason you're here is because the court orders handed down from the Judge are forcing you to be so it's not like you have a choice in the matter. But while that may be technically true.. I PROMISE you if you decide to kill these deadly, destructive weeds you WILL begin see that no matter what your circumstances are, or what you've done in your life to yourself or to others, that life IS in fact beautiful. That removing guilt and forgiveness can really help you to begin to see just how beautiful life truly is. The beauty of life comes in so many different forms - the laughter of a child, a wonderful sunset you've never truly taken the time to appreciate, the smile on the face of someone you have treated kindly or forgiven, or even in the look in the eyes of the person you helped who gives you one of those deep heartfelt thank you's that you know just has to come from deep down within the heart.
It's quite powerful and intoxicating - much more so than any drug you'll will ever use! This I can promise you.
Besides, you never know - your forgiveness, words, or actions of love and kindness just may save a life or change one for the good. You just might become someone's hero. Speaking of heroes, Joann has become one of mine. I admire her and her courage and strength. She overcame a lifetime of crime and addiction and look at her now. What a night and day of a difference! That is what I aspire to do. To transform and change my life and to live a life completely different than the one I was living before my heart decided to take that small little break!
Finally I ask every single one of you to please remember this: Beauty, kindness, and love can grow even in the darkest, dire circumstances and even in the most desolate, loneliest of places. Never give up because each and every one of us all have a beautiful life to live - and that life really is wonderful! It is a gift. Love and nurture this gift and you'll see just how happy life can be!
And never forget to forgive yourself so that you can once and for all get rid of that guilt and anger that is only serving to strangle the very growth that you truly need to heal and recover. Just learn from your mistakes. They happen to us all - no one will ever be immune from them. You just need to realize that they're really there in disguise to help you to grow and make you a better person than you ever thought you could be!
In closing, as addicts we are unfortunately going to have to fight addiction for the rest of our lives. Sadly no one is 100% ever recovered from our addictions. This is a war we must always fight to stay sober. But the great news is that by us learning the PROPER tools, we will always be stronger than this monster and we will ALWAYS come out the winner if we implement the right tools!
I have fought this battle for over 14 years and I know just how tough it is.
I am currently in Westcare out patient rehab and I wrote a speech for them because something happened to me on November 17th (this will be explained in the speech I am attaching).
I want as many of those in recovery to read this because I truly believe deep down that it can help. So please, even though it is long, please read this with an open heart. Take some time and truly read the words and let them sink in.
We ALL can recover and move ahead and leave this monster called drug addition behind!!!
Here is my speech, thank you in advance for reading it!
Blessings to each and every one of you
------------------------------
The most amazing thing has happened to me and I'd like to share this with all of you including some of the lessons I have learned from it. I'm trying to quit smoking which is proving to be a bit more difficult than I expected! It was recommended to me to try e - cigarettes because they 're turning out to be pretty effective in helping a person quit smoking. I went ahead and took their advice and purchased a starter kit along with a couple bottles of nicotine liquid or "juice" as they call it. As those who vape already know, these juices come in many delicious flavors so I ended up buying a couple different ones since I couldn't make up my mind on which flavor to choose. The problem comes in with the fact that I forgot to realize that these aren't cigarettes and it can be easy to get carried away with vaping them because of how great they taste. Unfortunately, I found out that this can be extremely bad for you since you can end up overdosing on the nicotine in the oil which can very dangerous - even possibly deadly!
Being how dangerous these can be, on November 17th my heart stopped beating for a short period of time. I ended up poisoning myself from all the excessive nicotine I consumed. I'm not going to share the exact details of my overdose as this part is very personal to me. However, what I will share with you is that by the Grace of God, my heart got what lets call a "jump start". I learned a lot as a result of this miraculous act of Grace and Forgiveness. I also got an anatomy lesson as well. See, I learned that our hearts were made not just to sustain and help oxygenate our bodies but they were also made to love ourselves and others as well. You could sort of say the heart lives in the soil of a garden in which it dwells. But as anyone who gardens knows, gardens frequently grow weeds which tend to kill the very plants which grow in them!
There are quite a variety of these destructive weeds. Some of them include hate, anger, bitterness, depression, guilt, and last but certainly not least - drugs and alcohol. These weeds choke the very life from out of us (and others, too). As an addict I grew these weeds my entire life by doing drugs, hating myself, and being angry at myself and my circumstances. And of course by being angry at everyone in my life who had ever hurt me.
Eventually these destructive weeds began to serve their deadly function and even though it was the nicotine overdose that stopped my heart, it might as well had been these weeds instead. Because the reality is that my heart had been dying away from them for many years. Finally after the nicotine poisoning provided that final "push" in an instant I was gone - *poof, just like that!* out of existence, no more. It was blackness. There were no Angels on fluffy clouds, no lights at the end of tunnels, no dead pets or relatives.. there was nothing - nothing at all! But you see a wonderful thing occurred from this. For some reason love and forgiveness gave me another chance. Though as with many other things in life, it came with some pretty big conditions. Some of these include loving and forgiving myself. I must now quit the drugs and alcohol forever. I must also quit being angry at the world and myself. But last but definitely not least.. I must now let go of all that toxic guilt that was consuming me and choking the very life from my body. My heart is no longer allowed to grow these weeds. I have learned that if you go get yourself some "weed - b - gone" that you can heal like I have. Once this happens to you, you will finally realize that you no longer need drugs or alcohol to get you by in life. Instead love, kindness, and forgiveness will give you that ultimate high you have all been searching for.
One of the other things I have learned is that many of us addicts are really special, wonderful people deep down who just happen to be a little more sensitive and feel pain and other emotions just a little bit deeper than the average bear. To compensate for this we ended up learning some pretty terrible methods to ease and cope with the pain and hurt that comes with life itself.
I have also discovered that ALL of us are beautiful, even with all the scars, bumps and bruises that every one of us endure in this journey we call life. This beauty I speak of to you isn't just physical beauty, though! The beauty I'm actually speaking to you about is the beauty that comes from deep within each and every one of us.
This beauty happens to also include all those scars we have sustained from life. These scars that many of us have been hiding don't make us ugly, rather they make us ever so beautiful and serve as one heck of a powerful reminder of just how strong we truly are. That even the toughest punches that life has thrown at us have actually made us so much stronger than we really know! They are the ultimate reminder of the force to be reckoned with we all can be if only we allow it.
We all can be a force that can love and forgive and do good things for ourselves and for others. So please don't let those scars make you feel ugly - instead cherish and celebrate them! They make you so very beautiful and strong.
And so you all know, the counselors at Westcare truly DO care and really DO want to help us. Some of you might resent being here. You might feel that the only reason you're here is because the court orders handed down from the Judge are forcing you to be so it's not like you have a choice in the matter. But while that may be technically true.. I PROMISE you if you decide to kill these deadly, destructive weeds you WILL begin see that no matter what your circumstances are, or what you've done in your life to yourself or to others, that life IS in fact beautiful. That removing guilt and forgiveness can really help you to begin to see just how beautiful life truly is. The beauty of life comes in so many different forms - the laughter of a child, a wonderful sunset you've never truly taken the time to appreciate, the smile on the face of someone you have treated kindly or forgiven, or even in the look in the eyes of the person you helped who gives you one of those deep heartfelt thank you's that you know just has to come from deep down within the heart.
It's quite powerful and intoxicating - much more so than any drug you'll will ever use! This I can promise you.
Besides, you never know - your forgiveness, words, or actions of love and kindness just may save a life or change one for the good. You just might become someone's hero. Speaking of heroes, Joann has become one of mine. I admire her and her courage and strength. She overcame a lifetime of crime and addiction and look at her now. What a night and day of a difference! That is what I aspire to do. To transform and change my life and to live a life completely different than the one I was living before my heart decided to take that small little break!
Finally I ask every single one of you to please remember this: Beauty, kindness, and love can grow even in the darkest, dire circumstances and even in the most desolate, loneliest of places. Never give up because each and every one of us all have a beautiful life to live - and that life really is wonderful! It is a gift. Love and nurture this gift and you'll see just how happy life can be!
And never forget to forgive yourself so that you can once and for all get rid of that guilt and anger that is only serving to strangle the very growth that you truly need to heal and recover. Just learn from your mistakes. They happen to us all - no one will ever be immune from them. You just need to realize that they're really there in disguise to help you to grow and make you a better person than you ever thought you could be!
In closing, as addicts we are unfortunately going to have to fight addiction for the rest of our lives. Sadly no one is 100% ever recovered from our addictions. This is a war we must always fight to stay sober. But the great news is that by us learning the PROPER tools, we will always be stronger than this monster and we will ALWAYS come out the winner if we implement the right tools!
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