Kochanie

I think I've known deep down for a while I had an alcohol problem, but because I don't need to drink everyday I refused to believe that I had to stop. I mean whats wrong with drinking at the weekends with friends? Even If I didn't remember what I had done the night before. Or when I was putting away a liter of Vodka in a few hours. Or when I've woken up on the floor of a police cell covered in blood and sick. Just a drunken mistake. I remember making excuses up to justify why I had just hit someone for no reason. Its just the drink, you know how I get. Or Id blame the fact I have BPD and Bi-polar. Mood swings. Its taken alot for me to realise just why I act the way I do. Its because Im an Alcohol abuser. I need to stop. Plain and simple. I have an amazing man in my life and I know I'm destroying him. In fact if I'm honest I've known how my drinking has affected him for a while now but I didn't care. As long as I had a glass of wine in my hand and was the center of attention nothing else mattered to me. I knew he loved me and would forgive me the next day. I'm a genius manipulator. Turn on the tears and swear I'd never do it again. He'd sigh and cuddle me telling me everything was going to be okay. Until the next time. Even when I was saying it I was thinking "is he actually falling for this crap!" Two and a half years later our weddings been called off twice, he's moved out of our house and can't take anymore. So this time it's for good. I'm even attending my first AA meeting on Saturday. I've kicked one addiction I'm sure I can do it again. with the help of you lovely people!

JT0626

Welcome to SR, it's nice to meet you.

The good thing is that you realize you have a problem. I was like you in the sense that I didn't need to drink every day, but when I drank I strived to get $hit faced drunk. One drink couldn't cut it for me.

I have now accepted that alcohol is no longer an option for me. Once you fully accept that & own it, quitting gets easier. In my case, I am legit relieved that alcohol is not an option anymore for me. I don't even know why I abused it in the first place, it doesn't even taste good to me! LOL!!

Keep posting & coming back here. We are here to support you...

Anna

Welcome!

Giving up drinking alcohol is the thing to do when alcohol is causing problems in your life. I'm glad you have decided to join us.

Lusher

Hey Kochanie - Welcome!!!

I wanted to congratulate you on your awareness of your alcohol problem. I think a lot of people are not <truly> honest with themselves about how alcohol negatively affects their lives. I know I never was.

I think you'll find a lot of support in here, which can help you reach your goals. I also think it's a good thing to do, for your relationship. As a guy who was on the bad end of one due to her booze issues, and although I, too, fell for her crap, it did get old. It got to the point that I was no longer attracted to her and we later split. So good for you for doing something about it.

Good luck with your AA meeting and I do look forward to seeing you around in here.


Lusher

Nonsensical

Welcome! Once we know alcohol is always going to be a problem, the solution becomes obvious. Congratulations on your decision to live a sober life.

sprout50

Welcome! I think having a plan-going to AA-is a good idea and a good place to start.

Frixion

It's frightening how we can treat our loved ones, just in order to drink more. I'm happy for you that you are seeing the problem is alcohol, and more important you are seeking solutions. CONGRATS!

Kochanie

Thankyou so much for your kind words. I wasn't really sure anyone would reply. I have a doctors appointment today to discuss my options. Whatever they may be. Yeah I feel slightly confident now reading your messages. The weekends are the toughest. As you all know. All I know is I don't need it. I don't like who I am when I've had a drink. Something takes over. Something dark. Feels good knowing there are people out there who share the same thought. People are looking at me like I'm crazy when I say I'm not drinking. Its the culture we live in. Thankyou again for reading and replying to me. You've given me strength today to actually go to my appointment.

DoPerdition

I think this is the first step for so many of us and it can take a really long time to see in yourself what you would see about someone else almost instantly.

I am only 7 days sober but I have found amazing support here, even when I wasn't fully ready to quit. You can do this!

biminiblue

Hi, and welcome! There are others here from Scotland who have stopped drinking. There are probably a lot more non-drinkers than you think in your beautiful country. We hard drinkers tend to surround ourselves with other hard drinkers, so our viewpoint is skewed.

I hope all goes well at the doctor.

Kochanie

Yeah! I think I can! I'm 6 days now. This time last week I was getting ready after my Boyfriend hd left for work. The last thing he said to me before he left was "are you going out tonight?" which I replied "No, babe, I promise." I knew I was lying. But today when he asked I told him with confidence "no". It felt good. Now the cravings have started. Sooner I get to the doctor the better. I need this. Thanks for the vote of confidence. really apprecaited

Kochanie

I live in a small town, Nightlife is the biggest thing among my age group. You live for the weekend. In reality though, the people I had surrounded myself with didn't care about me in the way I thought they had. Where are they now that I have chosen to not drink? Nowhere to be seen. Its very lonely.

endlesspatience

Sorry you're feeling lonely. We'll keep you company!

Kochanie

Thanks. Who needs them anyway their just going to bring me down. Aiming for little or no baggage anyway.

Anna

Loss of friends is a common occurrence in early recovery. Denial is a big part of alcoholism and often we have believed the people in our lives were friends, when in fact they were not.

Congratulations on getting to Day 6. Good for you!

Kochanie

They weren't really friends in the first place though, were they? I can't sugar coat it. Well safe to say I'm no longer in denial. Thanks. Day six is proving to be harder than the rest.

SoberLeigh

Welcome, Kochanie, to SR. Stick with us this weekend. There is also a Weekender thread.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...dec-5-7-a.html

By the way, I recently traveled through your town on the way to and from Inverness. I remember thinking "Aviemore; what a beautiful name for a town!"

biminiblue

If you've made it to day six, it's going to continue to get easier. My worst day was day nine, but it was because I took offense at something someone said - totally my own doing.

I had trouble sleeping and was jittery for the first month, definitely. I didn't use any medications to help with that, though. Herbal tea helped some. In the past I took pills for my anxiety, but I didn't do that this time. It got a lot better after a couple months.

Kochanie

There is? I better check it out. Thanks Aviemore is lovely. I've been here since I was six months old. The only problem is you know everyone and everyone knows you. They only see you for the mistakes you have made not the progress you have made. But the scenery and views are phenomenal.

Kochanie

I've always been a crap sleeper. It's no fun. I suffer from personality disorders (BPD and Bi-polar) which I currently don't take meds for. I was self medicating with alcohol. Which is probably why I'm in this mess. Nervous for getting to the root of my problems but each step at a time. You are all lovely and being a great support. I need to go get ready for my doctors. Safe to say I'm bricking it. I'll let you know how I get on.