SoloMio

Before Thanksgiving, and before our 4 kids, 1 SO, 1DDIL, 1DGS, and 1DP (dear puppy) arrived, DH asked what our budget should be for the 4 days they would be here.

Very, very naively I said $300. I didn't exactly have the cash in an envelope--because things were so hectic, I gave DH a debit card, and I kept the other one. I simply didn't have time to do much policing with all the stuff going on.

I just did my tally on my YNAB (YouNeedABudget):

Food: 450.96
Free-range organic turkey: 68.93
Chipping in for travel for kids who had to come 300 miles: 120.00
AND, (drum roll)
Liquor: 580.88

O.M.G. So I'm sure there will be plenty of people here who will cut me down for this--saying how absurd this is; how I shouldn't allow alcohol at my house, I shouldn't give DH carte blanche with a debit card, etc.

I'm not posting this for a flagellation. In fact, I'm afraid to press the Post button.

I guess my point in posting this is how ridiculous an expense the liquor bill actually was, and determining how I'm going to deal with the same situation at Christmas. Maybe purchasing the alcohol in advance, hiding it at BIL's house and then simply sticking with a reasonable amount with no emergency visits to the liquor store.

What better use I could put 580.88 toward. Bummer, but yes it was within my power to do a better job at controlling this, so I'm the only one to blame here. While AH is the only identified alcoholic in the family (although I'm quite certain one of my DS's is an abuser), it sheds a light on the whole culture of drinking that we have allowed to foster in the family, and I'm not comfortable with it at all.

dandylion

SoloMio......point well taken.

dandylion

lillamy

Holy snap. Yeah, that's about what my ex would have spent, too. Despite the fact that he was the only drinker in the family.

I never had to deal with a situation like that because my ex was the one controlling the finances in our house. I don't think I would have liked to basically be "his financial babysitter" when it comes to how much he can/can't spend on booze.

As for Christmas? I get all tied up in a knot just thinking about what you're dealing with. My family now has a white Christmas -- no alcohol whatsoever -- and I've never been less stressed about holidays. I have no good advice for you. Except maybe -- the usual: Is this the situation you want to live in? If not, what can you do about it?

MissFixit

For a little perspective:

1 good bottle of wine 25
1 so-so bottle of wine 10
1 6-pack of microbrew beer 8

Total 43

No one wanted wine, so both are untouched and in the fridge being saved for Christmas or New Years. The 6 pack was consumed at meals over the course of 2 days. This is what a non-alcoholic involved holiday is like.

ardy

Hi Thanksgiving... I had gone to the Special area of help near us in Oct.. stood in line for 2 hours to do the paperwork to show we need help for the food.. had the voucher and kept it safe for a 6 week period of time.. the lady that gave it to me said. and I quote." come back the day before Thanksgiving that is when we hand everything out.." yep went everything dark no cars no one around... they had given it all out on Monday when we had that big snow storm... my hubby could not bear it.. I was in tears to the bottom of my heart... I had some canned goods in the house but was counting on that voucher for the help... and Thrusday thanksgiving was the next day.. its now 5pm Wen night.. we go home I lay down for a bit .. hear him rumbling around downstairs.. comes up get your coat on we are going shopping.. Ed had hidden money away and something triggered where it was.. 250.00 for everything.. he kept trying to make me feel better.. my Hubby the morphine nut... but Toots don't cry look its a good fresh turkey.. and it was 14pds and cost was just 26.94 enhale exhale... pie 9.89 bread 10.00 cheese 9.00 and some other things.. and 1 winter Explore box of 24 bottles of beers.. and no one opened one. hahahahaha .... I guess things turn out for the best when everyone realizes they have to pull together.. ok I am done.. hugs to all... ardy...

herradura

I think it is great you took the time to see what it actually cost you. That is a lot of booze, must have a taste for expensive wine as it is difficult to drink that much hard alcohol and or beer in that amount of time.

If you want to minimize the cost for the Christmas, then tell people to BYOA. Tell them you will provide beer and they can bring whatever wine or hard alcohol they choose. I am not judging you on having alcohol in your house and having it at holiday time. Not everyone is alcoholic, and in a lot of families it is a part of the holiday season.

We ponied up big at our house for the holiday, bought a 4 pack of martinelli's sparkling cider. Have done it for years for the kids but this year Mom and Dad also drank it. Got through three bottles before the end of dinner.

Last year it was Irish coffee, Bloody Mary's, two bottles of sav blanc, 1 bottle of syrah, 1 merlot, 6 or 8 fantastic 22 oz micro brews/ abbey ales, a couple of single malt scotches after dinner and a great 30 y.o port as a night cap.

IN MY OPINION YOU PAY THREE TIMES FOR THE BOOZE, ONCE AT THE LIQUOR STORE, ONCE WITH THE PHYSICAL HANGOVER AND THE THIRD TIME IN ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION. So it all depends on how you look at the investment. Some people would say it is a poor one, other a good one, only the person buying/using can decide.

Thanks for the post. I am going to hit the YNAB.

Quite a change at out house, but the next day we were up early and had a blast outside.

SoloMio

Thanks for your understanding, dandylion.

lillamy, I appreciate your thoughts on the financial babysitting--I'm always walking that line).

Ardy, Thank you for your perspective. Hugs back at you.

Herradura, I like your suggestion about BYOA. That makes a lot of sense.

MissFixit: I'm jealous!

hopeful4

Holy Moly, that's a lot of cash.

I am sorry, I cannot even imagine the stress of all of this.

((Solo))

ardy

to much coffee hahahahah

ardy

I could become very strange with this.. hahahahaha

Minions Sing Jingle Bells Jingle Bells - YouTube

ardy

I could become very strange with this.. hahahahaha

http://youtu.be/28d9lsf66NM

ardy

yep to much coffee

Thumper

Well, that sucks. Sorry.

If you are a family of drinkers (not even necessarily alcoholics) that is $20 per day per adult and for any adult that doesn't drink a lot, but some, there are a couple of abusers in the mix that will make up for it.

So I find it totally believable - especially if some of the purchases were higher end liquor or wine due to the holiday. I've been part of many of those functions and the money spent is a bit sickening and even more so when there are alcoholics/abusers along for the ride with all the many negatives that includes.

I like the BYOB idea. Holidays are expensive.

SoloMio

Thanks for breaking it down, Thumper. Makes me feel better. I went to Trader Joe's for the wine, and didn't spend more than $9 for any bottle and even snuck in a couple 2-buck Chucks for people who wouldn't see the label.

A lot was craft beer, and there was a little bit of hard alcohol (probably a lot more than I know about bc AH is a vodka drinker). Then there was the very interesting situation with my DBIL, who lives next door. He bought himself a bottle of rum, but instead of sharing it, he kept it at his house and then he'd go and make himself his own drink and come back with it. Anyone might say that's weird, but as it turns out, he wound up bringing it over at one point, and it was missing the next day and he starting ranting about how somebody drank his rum.

So, OK, he justified his hoarding it, but it was just a pint! Geez. At the Inquisition, no one admitted to drinking it. So AH brought him to the liquor store and bought him a quart! A quart!

And, the story ends with DD coming into my room to find a pair of socks and she opens AHs drawer, and there's the rum bottle, still with rum in it.

Games alcoholics play.

FireSprite

Wow, I do NOT miss those large bills from beer runs, bar tabs or liquor store shopping sprees.

I tend to buy my alcohol for myself around this time of year because the gift sets/rebates/etc make it worth while. I like keeping vodka & tequila around in case I feel like making a margarita or mixed drink & RAH insists this is not a challenge to his sobriety.

I think I spent around $75 last Dec & I still have more than half left when I checked my inventory recently. In the past that wouldn't have lasted a month with AH - despite him being more of a beer/jager drinker.... eventually he always ended up in my bottles too.

MissFixit

This is a family/host house decision, but maybe since your kids are grown, they contribute a bit? Like they can buy their own alcohol and do a couple grocery runs for you. They could pay for their own gas too. If I see my family, I pay my own way. I used to drive 600 miles round trip from the age of 21 and paid for it myself. Got gas money sometimes, but it was very inconsistent.

RevivingOphelia

I just went back and read thread after thread, post after post--for years--of how your husband is bleeding you financially and, yet, you pay off massive debts that he (or his family) has incurred and continue to fully fund (and give him the debit card reins!) this event and who knows what else.

I am at a loss as to how you have continued to accept this behaviour and how you carry on without massive resentment and/or anxiety about your own future.

You have allowed yourself to be financially used in ways that are abusive and destructive for your own future. I'm sorry for this current Thanksgiving financial fiasco, but, really, for years, you have contributed to his immature, selfish, and irresponsible behaviour through your own actions.

And, yet, you stay. I just don't get it.

SoloMio

+1

Neither do I. That's all I can say.