Room1

Hi, not sure who I'm going to post this to, so just writing in my notes so I can copy and paste later maybe, just know that writing helps me when I feel like this. Just need someone, to, I dunno what, talk to, help, I don't know, I know this is my mess, but I keep really trying to sort it out, I get 3/4 of the way there, start to see a light and then end up where I am again.

Feel like I'm going mad. I can't upset my parents anymore, my partner was supportive when I was honest 3 weeks ago after initially being angry with me, his anger wasn't physical, I think he was/is angry with himself as he can't help as he's nearly as bad as me, we just at different stages, and he's not, how do I phrase it correctly, mental as well :-/ I'd text/email him, but he's at work and I'm not sure he can cope with it, so guessing at this point you SR peeps will read this. I don't have many people I can talk to. I have a friend, who I email, (you know who you are) but even think she doesn't deserve my rantings anymore, I don't want to upset anyone, I just want to be well, and I know I'm not.

I'm just sitting here, listening to some music writing this, I'm ok, as I'm focused on writing, however I have a million things to sort, and I can't, and what I am doing is making it worse, i don't know what to do anymore. I have to deal with some professional people in a few hours, I cant, I'm in no fit state, yes it's my fault, I know that.

My ex husband, who happened to be an alike too, used to use the phrase firefighting, that's what I'm doing, but then the phrase gets stuck in my head, so instead of doing anything, I just sitting here thinking about phrases, I'm making no sense, I know that, that's why I need help.

I don't want to die, but I can see why people choose that option though, i guess that's why I googled it, a few weeks back :-/

Ugh, I dunno, I'll post this, but I know it's me that has to sort it, doing the best I can, least it will be out there that I am trying?

BernieE

You've taken a good step reaching out for support. You have found a wonderful community here. Sounds like you feel isolated, lonely and depressed and you're trying to find a way out. Spend some time here reading everything that interests you. And if you're drinking now, stop.

We're here for you. Stick around.

CodeJob

Hello Room,

So it's straight up noon I think in England. Pick up the phone and call your GP. Or call a NHS affiliated hotline. If you reach out, you could get hooked into some professional help yet today.

Suicide - Getting help - NHS Choices

Crisis & emotional support contacts - Rethink Mental Illness, the mental health charity

I read your post. It sounds like your mind is whirling. Why not just solve one issue at a time? Why not investigate why you slide down the slope every time you are 3/4 there?

Your peeps love you I'm sure, but if you recognize they have their own issues with addiction or you have worn them out, then widen your team to work on you.

Glad you posted. It takes guts to accept you have true value and need to call in some help to get back on a healthier path.

Dee74

I really think you need professional help Room. Like it or not, you're a mum and thinking about dying (and drinking) is pretty dangerous water to be in.

There are numbers you can call:

CALM, the campaign against living miserably
Helpline – Nationwide
Call 0800 58 58 58

Our national helpline is open 7 days a week, 5pm to midnight. Callers can talk through any issue, we’ll listen and offer information and signposting. Calls are anonymous & confidential and won’t show up on your phone bill. Calls are free from landlines, payphones and O2, Orange, Virgin & Vodafone mobile networks. Other mobile networks and supermarket brand sims may charge.


Papyrus:
Call HOPELineUK 0800 068 41 41

or email: [email protected] *

or text: 07786 209697* *You do not have to give your name or whereabouts.

Samaritans 08457 90 90 90 * (UK)

Resources | Grassroots Suicide Prevention

I know it's easy to downplay the feelings, but you've been thinking this way for a while.
I really think it's something that you need to deal with.

maybe a meeting based recovery group like AA, SMART Recovery or LifeRing could help to? You'd have real people to connect with?

D

Soberwolf

D has good advice room

good to see you

Room1

Last time I looked up suicide help lines is how I got into trouble with my partner 3 weeks ago, that's when he got angry, to be honest he shouldn't have looked at my phone history, but it happened, we talked. But I'm back there, that's what I hate, I don't want this, I don't want to upset anyone :-(

Just to be clear, I'm not thinking of doing anything stupid right this minute, I just need to sort today out so I can then sort my life out. I just can't think straight, and yes I have had a drink, cause that's what I do :-( it don't help, but Ugh

Room1

I once wrote on here about asking for help, and got a feather, hence my picture, sure the story is in my posts about 5 years ago, for those that never read it, you might know me as Saxony.

As I said I was listening to music half hour ago, the last month before my grandad died he wanted to learn the words to a song, "I believe" not listened to that song for years as it upset me, my iPod is on random, it just played it, obviously I'm in tears, guess people up there still looking out for me. This post would make more sense if you know the words to that song.

Basically, once again I'm getting spiritual help, I guess, I don't really have faith in that, or lost or but...?. Going to sort myself out, one thing at a time, bath first!