dinkenflicka84

So....I have had a sneaking suspicion that I am an alcoholic. Which is completely horrifying since my ex husband was an alcoholic and killed himself because he couldn't conquer his demons.

I think I might be high functioning, as I am able to hold down a successful job, finish college, and live a "normal" life. But I drink EVERY DAY. And I'm jealous of those who do not drink every day, nor feel that constant pull to the box of wine in their fridge. I don't get black out drunk, and I hate drinking until I get the spins. It's mostly a way to blow off steam.

I am so conflicted, since I enjoy drinking but want to stop throughout the week. Has anyone been successful at reigning it in during the week?

Anyways, if anyone responds, I'd be eternally grateful. No one suspects I'm an alcoholic and I would ******* die if anyone found out.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!!

Your story sounds soo familiar, no one knew how much I drank, never lost a job, never lost my driving licence, no financial problems, but I drank every single day from the moment I got home from work until bedtime, in hindsight though it wasn't sustainable, the stage of "functioning" was simply only a few stops back on the train tracks before the train was about to crash.

I also then tried to "cut back", I made all the promises in the world to myself, all the great intentions, "I'm not going to drink on work nights, only have 2 drinks, only have beer, no more spirits", and guess what? it all spiralled as bad as ever again in a matter of weeks, I went round and round the moderation merry-go-round for over a year.

The answer for me was parting ways with alcohol on a permanent basis, an acceptance that my problem was the 1st drink, that was my problem, that was what opened the flood gates that I couldn't close until I had my fill of alcohol each night.

You'll find loads of support here on SR whatever you decide!! It's great to have you here!!

Thepatman

I would have a better chance at strapping myself to a banana and flying to the moon the. ever be able to control my drinking.

Eliminating the problem right at the source is the only option for me.

Good luck!

Soberwolf

Hello welcome to SR

Heres a few links

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-27-a-4.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-2014-a-4.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...val-guide.html

Only you really know if your alcoholic i suggest giving it up compared to moderating

youl find so much support here we were all functioning once its a stage of alcoholism

read and print off whatever you find useful there is so much knowledge here its amazing

Nonsensical

Not many here, but then we are a forum of people who have realized we have problems with alcohol and/or drugs.

Why do YOU think you drink every day and feel the constant pull of the box of wine? What would happen if you didn't have any wine in your fridge for a few weeks?

DrunkTx

Your story is similar to mine. I won't bore you with my high functioning but to say: show me a high functioning drunk, and I'll show you an underperforming individual. The point is, I do everything better sober. Earn money, run, maintain relationships, be present with my family, etc. I just never knew what great for "me" looked like.

Drinking everyday is a good indicator - I did too. Two - three glasses of wine a night, more on weekends. I know many normies who drink a hell of a lot more than that. But they have choice, I didnt. Take it one day at a time, and don't overwhelm yourself with eternal thoughts - ie quitting forever. Just don't pick up a drink today.

Hereandnow2

Sounds exactly like me! Mostly drank wine and never could control it during the week. I am an alcoholic and my life is unimaginably better now that I am not drinking! I have six months sober today!!!! Please pm me if you want! You can do this! It's easier than trying to limit or control your drinking!

LBrain

TRUE

DoPerdition

I was very much like you a year ago. I suspected that I had a problem with drinking. It also frightened me because I had just watched an alcoholic family member die a horrific death because he never admitted he had a problem. I was also high functioning. I held down a job, have a great family, a happy marriage and everything that looks so great from the outside.

I quit for about 3 months but all throughout that time, I obsessed over wanting to be able to learn to moderate my intake. I wanted to be like my friends and be able to go to a bar or out to dinner and have a few glasses of wine and then call it a night. After a short sober spell I told myself "If you could stop for three months, you aren't really an alcoholic. Go ahead and have just one. You'll be fine."

And I was... the first time. Even the second, third, forth etc. But slowly it all began to slip. For me, the truth was, I had no control once I had that first drink. Sometimes I could moderate and only have 3, but sometimes I had no ability to stop myself. There was no telling what sort of night it would be when I started with that first tipple.

So after a 9 month relapse, here I am again. And this time I am more terrified that I was before. Because now I know that I'm an alcoholic.

But I got very good advice from countless people here and in a support group here. They warned me that my alcoholic voice (AV) would try to convince me that I could moderate. It would try to convince me that I am not like the other people here, that I am different.

I wish I had listened. Sometimes we need to fall again to be really sure. But here is something to chew on... Does alcohol ever make anything better? Are you ever better off the next day because you chose to drink the night before? I know I never am.

Sorry for the novel. Best wishes!

Fly N Buy

Glad you're here, Welcome!

I tried many, many times to drink normally - or simply once in awhile. Total failure for a long time. Short periods of abstinence, but no duration.

The program I work teaches......once we cross the alcoholic line, there simply is no going back. For me, this was true. I am an example of the progressive nature of the ailment.....It kept getting worse over time. I didn't lose stuff......just my spirit and light.

Please post often - you are in a great place!

Hevyn

Welcome dinken. You're among those who understand what you're going through.

I tried for many years to control my drinking. I was determined to use willpower so I could still have a few once in awhile. It was never a few though - always the whole bottle and then another. You don't need it in your life. Glad you are here.

Chillly

The first sign to know if you're an alcoholic;

You think you might be an alcoholic.

Ding Ding Ding.

Welcome to the club! And the site!
P.S. You wont die if your loved ones find out you're alcoholic.
You will actually be opening up yourself to living a better life.

Good luck! You got this!

Dee74

Hi dinkenflicka84

Have you tried not drinking and see how far you get?

If, like most of us here you don't get very far, you might have to consider that your relationship with alcohol is not healthy, regardless of how 'high functioning' you are?

I know how confronting and scary that idea can be ...but we're all normal average people here. We just share this common problem.

If you decide it is a problem for you too, and you want support to quit, this is a great place to be

JanieJ

Welcome Dinkenflick

I'm just echoing everyone else here,, but the truth is , your story also sounds exactly like me ! Drinking wine every night, two or three glasses, own business, high functioning, nobody knew it was a problem, except me.

The only differences between you and me is that I was starting have black outs and also getting some stomach pains. A little further down the road, you might say.

Great to have you here , glad you found us, you might find it interesting to have a look at some info on the progressive nature of alcoholism.

You' ll find lots of support here.

Ellay

Hi there I could have written your post, right down to the box of wine in the fridge and especially married to an alcoholic. I am sorry that your ex lost his battle with his demons, and I know it is just a matter of time before the father of my son's loses his as well. That was a huge thing for me as well, admitting that * I * have a problem as well. My drinking became a problem in just a few short years. Well, that's not really true - if I am completely honest I have always drank to excess when I drank. One glass of wine isn't what I want. I want the bottle. If a glass was all I needed, I wouldn't be here . Post often, ask questions. Welcome !

Ruby2

Welcome to SR! I couldn't rein in my drinking. On paper I looked like I functioned but inside I was a wreck. Like PurpleKnight, I never lost a job. I have a graduate degree and a house and car and family but I just cannot, for the life of me, seem to master the art of only taking one drink once in a while. No matter how many times I tried and the numerous ways I tried, I would drink to finish the bottle and go on to the next. So, now I take no drinks and I am more productive in all areas of my life. Sure, sometimes it think wistfully of being able to have one drink but it would never be just one.

Welcome. Read around the forum. There will be some people you identify with more than others but under it all we all have one thing in common in that our addiction is causing pain and trouble in our lives.

Aellyce

Yes, 20 years ago when I did not have a drinking problem. I could even drink like once a month or every other month only. Once the fun with drinking heavily started? No way and no return for me.