Lance40

I checked my phone counter app this morning and see that it's been 23 days since I had a drink. I'm starting to see something about recovery, but I'm not sure how to say it. Not drinking is the doorway into recovery, but then there's a lot more work. As I'm working through a 12 step program, I'm starting to see my ego and selfishness everywhere - it permeates everything I do. It's "me", "I" and "mine". Sometimes it makes me feel sad. I'm not even sure my self-centredness is due to alcoholism; I think it might just be how I naturally am. As I am becoming more aware of it, I find in some way that I am able to surrender and in that I am finding a source of power to start to think about what I say or do and to start to try to make it about others and not myself. Just this week I'm starting to experience more of a sense of peace, serenity, well being and joy. It's probably a combination of things, but I hope I can keep going on this journey to wholeness together with you.

DoPerdition

Great job on 23 days! Getting to 23 days is no easy feat so don't downplay the hard work you've already done! I think the self-reflection is a really difficult thing. Remember to be kind to yourself during this process, even if you get mad at yourself sometimes. I think this is where I failed the first time I tried to stop drinking. I was so angry at myself for my selfishness and other flaws that I didn't even really want to deal with me. You're already doing the hard work by admitting that you need to work on you. That is a huge deal and you should feel proud.

Best wishes!

Jsbodhi

I noticed it's way more than just quitting alcohol too, but it's good, finding my way back to myself and I'm so grateful.
I go to AA, but I don't work the steps very much, I probably should, but I'm doing ok with what I'm doing, so if things start gojng south, I plan to work the steps.
Good for you! Xoxo

Fly N Buy

Great Job On 23 Days!!!
For many of us the ISM exists prior to the alcohol for sure......
Good Report! Glad you're here and doing the work!

I posted this in another thread this morning, but you may enjoy it as well based on your introspection...

In ancient India lived a sculptor renowned for his life-sized statues of elephants. With trunks curled high, tusks thrust forward, thick legs trampling the earth, these carved beasts seemed to trumpet to the sky. One day, a king came to see these magnificent works and to commission statuary for his palace. Struck with wonder, he asked the sculptor, “What is the secret of your artistry?”

The sculptor quietly took his measure of the monarch and replied, "Great king, when, with the aid of many men, I quarry a gigantic piece of granite from the banks of the river, I have it set here in my courtyard. For a long time I do nothing but observe this block of stone and study it from every angle. I focus all my concentration on this task and won’t allow anything or anybody to disturb me. At first, I see nothing but a huge and shapeless rock sitting there, meaningless, indifferent to my purposes, utterly out of place. It seems faintly resentful at having been dragged from its cool place by the rushing waters. Then, slowly, very slowly, I begin to notice something in the substance of the rock. I feel a presentiment . . . an outline, scarcely discernible, shows itself to me, though others, I suspect, would perceive nothing. I watch with an open eye and a joyous, eager heart. The outline grows stronger. Oh, yes, I can see it! An elephant is stirring in there!"

"Only then do I start to work. For days flowing into weeks, I use my chisel and mallet, always clinging to my sense of that outline, which grows ever stronger. How the big fellow strains! How he yearns to be out! How he wants to live! It seems so clear now, for I know the one thing I must do: with an utter singleness of purpose, I must chip away every last bit of stone that is not elephant. What then remains will be, must be, elephant."


When I was young, my grandmother, my spiritual guide, would often tell just such a story, not only to entertain but to convey the essential truths of living. Perhaps I had asked her, as revered teachers in every religion have been asked, "What happens in the spiritual life? What are we supposed to do?" Granny wasn’t a theologian, so she answered these questions simply with a story like that of the elephant sculptor. She was showing that we do not need to bring our real self, our higher self, into existence. It is already there. It has always been there, yearning to be out. An incomparable spark of divinity is to be found in the heart of each human being, waiting to radiate love and wisdom everywhere, because that is its nature.

Eknath Easwaran

RainyDayWoman1

I'm on day 23 too! Congrats to you! Frankly, I don't mind giving myself a pat on the back either, this is hard. Nice job, yay us!

Anna

23 days is great Lance.

I didn't do a 12 step program, but I know for sure, that there was a lot of work for me to do when I stopped drinking. Trying to get my ego out of the way, trying to not control everything in my life, those were real challenges. You are on the right track by working on yourself, and I hope that you keep reading and posting here.

Anna

23 days is great Lance.

I didn't do a 12 step program, but I know for sure, that there was a lot of work for me to do when I stopped drinking. Trying to get my ego out of the way, trying to not control everything in my life, those were real challenges. You are on the right track by working on yourself, and I hope that you keep reading and posting here.

Soberwolf

Well done on day 23 Lance

JanieJ

Awesome, Lance

That's why I like AA so much - I'm not disciplined enough to do those steps on my own, it's great to have structure and a simple plan to follow.

JanieJ

Awesome, RainyDayWoman, good job

PurpleKnight

Great job Lance!! Keep it going!!