rccola5816

Hi everyone. I have been married to an alcoholic for the past 15 years. So I have a lot of history and stories...We have 3 kids. I moved from the US when I was 19, to escape baggage from my past, (a bi polar mother and abusive step-mother) and fell right into the same setting of walking on egg shells. I have no family where I am, only his family (who are like my family and fully support me). My husband was always a social drinker (but the one who would always drink too much). When I was young I saw nothing wrong in it. My first sign of a problem was when he quit his job and was at home. All of a sudden he started buying liquor and would drink when I was at work. After a year of this, he got a job and life went back to itself. He would drink once in a while with his friends (but at least it was "social"). Then 4 years ago a horrible thing happened, his sister was killed in a fire. A month after her death he was fired (due to budget issues). He has been at home for the past 4 years. Cannot find a job. He is in hi-tech has an MBA and everything, but yet no one calls him. We have had our ups and downs. He went to therapy, which worked.. We bought a house and moved away, a new start. Unfortunately the drinking has started again. He hit "his" rock bottom and went for help again. The problem is he is not the typical alcoholic. He drinks once a week (if that), but doesn't know how to stop once he starts. No rehab facility will take him. He is on meds for depression and was given a pill to help him with the cravings. My life is full of ups and downs. When he doesn't drink we are a happy family. We have a wonderful relationship, then one drinking episode and we have to start all over. He does a horrible thing when he drinks. He calls women (many times my girlfriends) and becomes obsessed with them. If the woman goes along with the flow he ends up talking about sex. I have tried to hide his problem from my friends but in the end they find out cause he calls them. I had an affair 5 years ago (I needed someone to take care of me finally) He was a married man with kids so I knew nothing would come out of it. I know I should have left my husband then, but something kept me with him. He found out about the affair and to this day holds it over my head. I feel so alone in this world. His sister has been my life saver, and lets me come to her house if he drinks, but i don't think that is the solution. He was always a "funny" drunk but recently he has switched sides and can be aggressive. I made the mistake of coming home with the kids one day and he scared the **** out of me so i ran out with the kids to a neighbor. The oddest thing is my body can sense if he drank. I get horrible stomach aches and then I know, he drank today. So far I haven't been wrong once I went to al-anon in the past but it didn't help me (only made me more negative). In the country I am in, there isn't an awareness of alcoholism and there are barely any support groups. I hope that through this forum I can find women like me (cause only someone who is going/went through this can understand).

Gilmer

My heart breaks for you, RCCola, but I haven't been through what you have. My husband has had to put up with me, because I was the alcoholic in the family. I suggest you try our Friends and Family forum--you'll find a lot of support there. Here's the link:

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Soberwolf

Welcome to SR

JanieJ

Welcome to SR, Rccola ((()))

Dee74

I'm sorry for your situation but I'm glad you found us, rccola - you're not alone here - welcome!

D

DoPerdition

I grew up with an alcoholic grandfather and I always knew just from feeling the air if he was in a happy drunk mood or an abusive one. I swear the air was thicker. I told this to my therapist and this, along with other things led to a PTSD diagnosis.

Please talk to someone like a therapist and consider al-anon. You need to take care of you and the kids first. Be kind to yourself.