killerinstinct

Hello all, I heard from a very good friend of the ex today out of the blue and am having a complete meltdown... She texted me because she wanted something business related... I couldn't believe that I haven't heard from her in two years not a are you okay and all of a sudden she thinks I'm her buddy and will do her a business favour... Why oh why am I having a melt down because of her?? Is it because I resent her slightly for not giving a rats arse about me or because she is attached to the ex through friendship. I told her that I wish not to be in touch with anyone the ex speaks to and that I don't feel comfortable about it.. Plus I have a restraining order out on him and then left it at that. Jesus Christ I am feeling so so so much pain from ******* text messages from her!!!! What the **** is this!!!! I was a complete wreck at work today because of this and then started feeling sorry for the ex!!!! What is going on in my head I don't understand???

Fathom

Hugs, KI. I know the feeling. I used to get myself in a tizzy just seeing a phone number with the same area code as my XAH on my caller ID. It is a fight or flight response causing your anxiety at this point. I remember it felt like an attack against my paper-thin defense of my peaceful controlled world. It was a reminder of how vulnerable i really felt. Breathing deeply, and reminding myself that I was safe, was the best way I found to combat that response. The feeling is temporary, though intense. It will get easier with time (I know that's not very satisfying right now, but it is true).

I would suggest that, in the future, there is no need for you to respond to anyone that you don't want in your life. If you wanted to respond, you could take action to prevent them from contacting you again (as in block their number, email, Facebook, etc). Most people will get the idea pretty quickly when they are being ignored. It isn't unreasonable to ignore rude people. Give yourself permission to choose who you interact with, and you don't necessarily need to be nice about it. This is particularly difficult for most of us (codependents) to stomach.

wishing you peace tonight,
Fathom

lillamy

I agree completely with Fathom. I had similar issues with people who were still "attached" to AXH after the divorce. Knowing how convincing he could be, I always felt like anyone who was still in contact with him was potentially spying on me (yes, I'm aware of how paranoid that sounds).

hopeful4

Hugs. I think you are hurting and the oddest and smallest things can be a trigger during this time.

Breathe.