Here I go...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 11
Here I go...
So I'm new to this but I have a lot to share.
So I started drinking when I was 15 years old, my drinking got really bad yet it was the only thing I wanted to keep doing. Drank my whole high-school years away, got in trouble, got suspended, got tickets, but i still continued. My mom hated it and i understood her, i always did. My dad also abused alcohol in the past, worse than i ever did, he now has so many health issued because of it.
Fast forward, I stopped drinking last February, and I was doing pretty good until September when i had a bad relapse and then also about two weeks ago, that one wasn't bad and i controlled my drinking but I don't want to go back to drinking. Eventually I know it'll get back to being out of control and that scares the hell out of me, so i would rather steer clear of it. Last November I also went through my first break up (4 years "high school sweetheart" except he wasn't so sweet) He was a good guy but we both have so much growing up to do, especially him, he's very immature. Anyway, when I stopped drinking i noticed that i started smoking marijuana more often until it became an everyday or every other day thing. Its gotten in my way of school and work and family too. My anxiety is EXTREMELY horrible right now and I hate it. I feel so lost and hopeless. Its been a constant battle with any type of addiction including going back to my ex boyfriend. We tried things out in late September (I called him when I drank that day) and unfortunately things didn't work out because he lied to me and i just won't accept that.
I just feel so lost and hopeless and know i feel like i will really have to deal with the break up and giving up alcohol since I want to stop smoking as much as I did.
So this is not only recovery from alcohol but marijuana and ex boyfriend too.
Any advice, anyone?!
So I started drinking when I was 15 years old, my drinking got really bad yet it was the only thing I wanted to keep doing. Drank my whole high-school years away, got in trouble, got suspended, got tickets, but i still continued. My mom hated it and i understood her, i always did. My dad also abused alcohol in the past, worse than i ever did, he now has so many health issued because of it.
Fast forward, I stopped drinking last February, and I was doing pretty good until September when i had a bad relapse and then also about two weeks ago, that one wasn't bad and i controlled my drinking but I don't want to go back to drinking. Eventually I know it'll get back to being out of control and that scares the hell out of me, so i would rather steer clear of it. Last November I also went through my first break up (4 years "high school sweetheart" except he wasn't so sweet) He was a good guy but we both have so much growing up to do, especially him, he's very immature. Anyway, when I stopped drinking i noticed that i started smoking marijuana more often until it became an everyday or every other day thing. Its gotten in my way of school and work and family too. My anxiety is EXTREMELY horrible right now and I hate it. I feel so lost and hopeless. Its been a constant battle with any type of addiction including going back to my ex boyfriend. We tried things out in late September (I called him when I drank that day) and unfortunately things didn't work out because he lied to me and i just won't accept that.
I just feel so lost and hopeless and know i feel like i will really have to deal with the break up and giving up alcohol since I want to stop smoking as much as I did.
So this is not only recovery from alcohol but marijuana and ex boyfriend too.
Any advice, anyone?!
Give all your effort to your recovery. Your life depends on it. It's hard at first but it gets easier.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Sorry about your heartache, lionheartt.
What I can tell you from my own, unwanted experience is that I was never in a position to assess what I wanted, what I needed or what I needed to leave behind while I was drinking. Even sober, my thoughts on a particular recent attachment and subsequent separation remain somewhat muddied.
When my XGF threw me out more than three years ago, I was heartbroken in a very messy, needy and alcoholic way. My drinking seemed to take care of that, bringing me to a place where I no longer cared. Sober now more than three years, I'm aware of strong feelings about my ex, but they don't hinder my sobriety, and they don't leave me otherwise emotionally destitute.
My recommendation, my very strong recommendation, is that you make getting sober your priority. Doing so presents enough challenges on its own. It's not an easy thing to do, but if you can place a moratorium on your relationship and focus on getting sober, you'll more likely than not know intuitively what to do much farther down the road.
The status of your relationship won't save you and may even hinder your personal progress, while actively working on your sobriety will eventually bring you to a much better place.
What I can tell you from my own, unwanted experience is that I was never in a position to assess what I wanted, what I needed or what I needed to leave behind while I was drinking. Even sober, my thoughts on a particular recent attachment and subsequent separation remain somewhat muddied.
When my XGF threw me out more than three years ago, I was heartbroken in a very messy, needy and alcoholic way. My drinking seemed to take care of that, bringing me to a place where I no longer cared. Sober now more than three years, I'm aware of strong feelings about my ex, but they don't hinder my sobriety, and they don't leave me otherwise emotionally destitute.
My recommendation, my very strong recommendation, is that you make getting sober your priority. Doing so presents enough challenges on its own. It's not an easy thing to do, but if you can place a moratorium on your relationship and focus on getting sober, you'll more likely than not know intuitively what to do much farther down the road.
The status of your relationship won't save you and may even hinder your personal progress, while actively working on your sobriety will eventually bring you to a much better place.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 11
Originally Posted by EndGameNYC 
Sorry about your heartache, lionheartt.
What I can tell you from my own, unwanted experience is that I was never in a position to assess what I wanted, what I needed or what I needed to leave behind while I was drinking. Even sober, my thoughts on a particular recent attachment and subsequent separation remain somewhat muddied.
When my XGF threw me out more than three years ago, I was heartbroken in a very messy, needy and alcoholic way. My drinking seemed to take care of that, bringing me to a place where I no longer cared. Sober now more than three years, I'm aware of strong feelings about my ex, but they don't hinder my sobriety, and they don't leave me otherwise emotionally destitute.
My recommendation, my very strong recommendation, is that you make getting sober your priority. Doing so presents enough challenges on its own. It's not an easy thing to do, but if you can place a moratorium on your relationship and focus on getting sober, you'll more likely than not know intuitively what to do much farther down the road.
The status of your relationship won't save you and may even hinder your personal progress, while actively working on your sobriety will eventually bring you to a much better place.
What I can tell you from my own, unwanted experience is that I was never in a position to assess what I wanted, what I needed or what I needed to leave behind while I was drinking. Even sober, my thoughts on a particular recent attachment and subsequent separation remain somewhat muddied.
When my XGF threw me out more than three years ago, I was heartbroken in a very messy, needy and alcoholic way. My drinking seemed to take care of that, bringing me to a place where I no longer cared. Sober now more than three years, I'm aware of strong feelings about my ex, but they don't hinder my sobriety, and they don't leave me otherwise emotionally destitute.
My recommendation, my very strong recommendation, is that you make getting sober your priority. Doing so presents enough challenges on its own. It's not an easy thing to do, but if you can place a moratorium on your relationship and focus on getting sober, you'll more likely than not know intuitively what to do much farther down the road.
The status of your relationship won't save you and may even hinder your personal progress, while actively working on your sobriety will eventually bring you to a much better place.
Thanks so much for you insight! Its tough, it's definitely tough when you feel that the whole world is coming down on you. Its been exactly a little over one year since the actual break up and it amazes me how much i still give in to someone who's hurt me a lot.
But you're right! Sobriety is and will be my number one priority!
I feel ok when it comes to alcohol, sure, I miss it but I'm 100x better without it. On the other hand, I do miss smoking marijuana but I want to stop because I don't want to have to depend on ANYTHING!!!
I just want to feel better.
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