Lirio

Hello all,
I have been reading the forums for a while, and joined a few months ago. Only now getting to post. My story is not different from many here. Please allow me to write a brief story of the nightmare I have lived the last 6 months:

I have been married for 21 years. No children, and as many others, our marriage had ups and downs, but had been fairly good. In February of this year my husband was diagnosed with a serious illness. For 2 months he had good days, and bad days where he would stay in bed and not eat much. On this particular day in May, I came home from the grocery store and found him a bit disoriented, "out of it", not responsive. I thought he was having a stroke. Called 911 and ended up in the ER. His "stroke" turned out to be a severe alcohol overdose. His level of alcohol was 400!!!!! He should have died. Doctor said he had developed tolerance through years, and years of heavy drinking. Me, completely dumbfounded! I have never felt so angry, stupid, embarrassed, confused, lost, cheated, and did I say STUPID? in my life!!!! Not sure where, when, and how he drank so heavily! Since then it has been 5 or 6 trips to ER, 3 hospitalizations, and attempts at outpatient intensive treatment, therapy, inpatient rehab in July which I found, asked him to go or I would leave - I know, I know, I was at the end of my rope - and more therapies, support groups, etc. Lots of lying and quacking, no physical violence but of course lots of emotional neglect. In November he had a major screw up at work, and HE decided to go to rehab...He found the treatment center, called and made arrangements. I went with him 'cause the rehab is out of state and he could not travel by himself cause he was still drinking. Yes, very Codie on my part, but I was so desperate I made the trip. Needless to say WORSE.TRIP. EVER.

So.... this is the second time he tries inpatient rehab. This rehab is not AA based, which he specifically wanted, and he actually sounds involved in the program. This coming week is his fourth and final week, and he is scheduled to come home December 9th. I am attending Al Anon, reading these forums, and reading everything else I can get my hands on. I am also looking to go to therapy, and we have talked about going to couples therapy.

If you have made it this far,

This is the thing: I am feeling VERY, VERY anxious about his return. I am working hard on staying on my side of the street, but this past week I had major anxiety thinking about his return. It's been very peaceful and quiet while he is gone, and although I do miss him, I love coming home to a peace and quiet house!

I am looking for support on this forum through his final week in rehab, and for when he gets back. I have read how hard it is to maintain sobriety, and although I am somewhat hopeful he will make it, I also know that if he drinks again, it will sadly be the end of our marriage. I have clearly communicated it to him. I told him it was not a threat nor punishment but rather something I need to do to protect myself from the life of chaos, stress, sadness, and anger I have lived for the last 6 months. I am just so sad to realize that sometimes love is not enough

*phew* just putting all these in writing is so helpful! thank you all so much!

LexieCat

Hi, and welcome!

Therapy for you is a great idea, but I think I'd hold off for a bit on the couple's therapy. In early sobriety he's just going to be starting to get his marbles back, and it will be several months, at least, before he's stable enough for couple's therapy to do much good.

I hope he does well, and I hope he continues with whatever aftercare is recommended. AA is what's familiar to me, so I don't know what they might have him doing.

I hope you will continue to post here and to stick with Al-Anon. Just remember, what you do or don't do isn't what will keep him sober or make him drink.

BlueChair

My husband went to a rehab not using 12 step and has had good results. Will your husband be following up with his own counseling? We started in family counseling together while he was still inpatient, and then I did my own for a while too. I found both very helpful. The rehab counselors also talked with both of us and helped in the transition home. Have you ever looked at a non 12 step program for family like Craft/Smart Recovery? Its what Ive been learning in addition to using the counseling tools. I like it because theres a lot of focus on positive communication.

CNY46ER

Good luck and God bless. I hope he makes the right decision you seem like a good wife.

Hammer

Hey, it is what we do.

Now to the GOOD Part -- about you . . .

Yeah, If you want some drama, you can always go to a movie.

(hope you do not know where that phrase comes from )

Have you looked at "Rational Recovery?"

They seem to teach the family to just Take No Crap from an A.

I am devout Alanon myself, so I do not have any personal knowledge of RR, but sometimes I look over the fence at them with envy.

Sample RR "fun phrase."

Zero-Tolerance Ultimatum for Your Addicted Spouse or Significant Other (ASS)

Lirio

Thank you, so so much for your responses! I am not sure how to quote part of your answers, so here it goes:

Couples therapy was suggested by one of his therapists in rehab, but I will look into the effectiveness of it after someone is just out of rehab.
And I will definitely keep coming back to these forums!

I looked briefly into Rational Recovery, but will speed up my reading on it. There is a Smart Recovery group in my area, which AH has attended and plans on continue to attend. I guess I will look into Craft group for me.

AH is at a rehab center several states away so I won't be participating in any counseling with him, except for a few phone sessions w/him and one of his therapists. This week we will talk about his discharge program. So far, what I know is that he plans to continue counseling when he gets back and has already contacted his counselor to make an appt for the week of his return. H also talks about continuing with Smart Recovery.

Thank you so much for the article about zero tolerance. Googled it, bookmarked it and will be reading it today!

So much good info already! I feel very welcomed and supported already

dandylion

Lirio....it sounds like this has caused a lot of emotional trauma for YOU, these last few months, especially.

If you are talking to his rehab counselor on the phone...maybe you could bring up the idea of a sober living place for him when he comes out of rehab---rather than returning directly home. This makes that rocky, early recovery period much easier on the alcoholic as well as the spouse. I think you, especially, could use that.

dandylion

HerLastNerve

Lirio, I hope that things turn out well for you. You're right, there is a lot of caring and support in this community, and we are extremely fortunate for that. Welcome =)