ArtFriend

This seems to be a huge tipping point for me right now. By becoming sober, I am seeing things more clearly, rather than "through a glass darkly". I've pretty much been on auto-pilot for the past 13 years...going through motions, not committing to much of anything... Just like Scarlett O'Hara "I won't think about that today, for tomorrow is another day". When issues arose, I simply had a drink or ten and put things off until it reached critical mass and I HAD to do something.

So...consequences. yes, many. And becoming sober is the first step to rectifying things. But! That also means I have to now figure out where the hell I am and how to move forward. It seems very daunting. I am not a spring chicken anymore, but not old either. It just seems like it is a bit late to start over. And I cannot even define what starting over means. The net effect of sobriety is freedom and that is scary and confusing at times. So used to being reactive rather than proactive.

There is another person in me who just aches to come out of the bottle, but is also very timid and afraid. I really get why people stay in the hell they know.

Conquest

It's never too late, friend. Like we hear so many times, take it one baby step at a time. Chip, chip, chip away and suddenly, a beautiful thing emerges. That's what I'm noticing. Big hugs and best wishes

daybyday434

I feel ya. It's never too late to start over. Although scary, starting over can be very exciting too. Once I get this sober thing under control, I plan to make a LOT of positive changes in my life. Enough is enough. Life is too short to be unsatisfied!! So I say let's just give it a shot.

Anna

Oh yes, absolutely! I was the queen of relapse because every time I gained some sober time I felt completely adrift. I was more comfortable failing.

All I can say, AF, is that you can do this. The freedom of sobriety isn't nearly as scary as we think. I was in my late forties when I stopped drinking and 'proactive' was not in my vocabulary, but when I took some small steps, things began to change. What I found is that there is a wonderful ripple effect when you make a change. One small change is often felt in many different ways and leads to more change.

ReadyAtLast

It is never too late to start again. Whilst things do seem so daunting it isn't as though everything happens at once or all decisions have to be taken at the same time. Getting and staying sober isn't a single event-it's an ongoing process. For me, the fact it is ongoing makes changes and dealing head on with issues a bit more manageable

SereneEdition

Hi Artfriend -

Congratulations! Clarity is a huge accomplishment!

Gosh, I have felt SOO many of the same feelings as you, particularly anxiety around the loss of time. While it doesn't feel good, feelings do motivate us to take action positive.

One thing I've learned from years of school that I have found to be true in recovery as well - however much time the teacher gives us to do the assignment, the assignment takes that long to complete! Being older (and wiser!), the shorter timeline has helped me to focus on things that are important. Also, without alcohol slowing me down I can make things happen at an accelerated pace.

You've got 2 great assets that you're bringing into the work that you want to do, and I think you'll do fantastically by diving straight into the work that you need to do.

One tip: sometimes it is hard to notice the changes as recovery continues, and that can get frustrating. If you keep a weekly journal it will help you see your progress.

sugarbear1

I got sober at age 50 and began to rebuild a life and 3+ years later still moving forward!

You can do this!!

Newpathway

Great post! I completely relate to it. I am finding my new life is slowly falling into place in spite of my efforts to control it. Soon after quitting I knew that my priority was to heal but I also hung on to a belief that I must also map out my future and have a plan with specific steps I should take to create a clear visual of what it looks like, what I need to do to get there and how much time it would take.

I am beginning to realize that as uncomfortable as it feels, I need to let that go. Its a carry over from my drinking days of living with my mind constantly on future and never, ever embracing the present moment. Perhaps it is even an expression of anxiety in worrying about the future and then drinking because of it.

I know everyone is different and for me I am beginning to discover the relief of being able to let it go and focus more on revelling in the moment (of couse being responsible to take care of future plans) and not putting so much of my focus into it. It's like an equilibrium is developing on its own in spite of my efforts to control. Now that I see it happening coinciding with my ability to take each day as it comes I am less afraid of where my life is going and having more confidence that I can move forward in relative uncertainty. My daughter says I should be like a river and 'go with the flow'.

ScottFromWI

It's never too late if you are alive. And remember that alcoholics aren't the only ones who make major changes or reinvent themselves. The only limiting factor is ourselves and unwillingness to make the changes/do the work.

Hope4Life

NEVER!

I didn't stop drinking until I was 54 and I'm so happy that I did. Living life on life's terms has made me want to live rather than not caring if I die or live.

My new life includes new friends and helping others as well as personal growth that would never have happened if I was still drinking!

Thepatman

Never too late. Even if I was 90, I would get sober. Even if it would only be my last 2 years on this earth. At least I would have a REAL 2 years.

desypete

look to change as a daily event rather than a change that happens and will be that way forever in life

i thought if i did 12 steps in aa that i would change and be this new man, as i didnt understand it all and thought thats what would happen to me by doing 12steps

the steps were just the start of a new way to live my life one day at a time, i will never change how i am completley as its always ongoing for me one day could be a bad day for me compared to a good day were everything in life is happy joyus and free etc

i think i expected life to be full of wonderful things that happen for me just because i dont drink anymore
sadly as i have found out good or bad things will happen in life no matter who or what i am
its how i react to things in life is the change that is in me, do i run off to drink or not ?
do i sit there feelings sorry for myself or not ? do i do things positive rather than negative ?

i can not possibly change the way i was to how i am today in a day or a week or a year or 10 years, it really is a life long commitment i make to living as good as i can each day i can

all i know is that the more years i am around trying to live a good life the easier things seem to get for me to cope with as i become experienced to living life on lifes terms, rather than life only happening on my terms

so change is always on going in my eyes so its never to late to make a start to change ever.

CNY46ER

Its FEAR....I to deal with it everyday on every level. It is getting better the more the cloud is lifting from my mind and my body heals. Breath.....take control. This is your life.

ArtFriend

Thanks to you all for the fantastic insight and support. You are right... change is gradual, not an over night thing. Sometimes I feel like I have blinders on and don't see the "big picture". Other times I focus too much on the big picture and forget to take baby steps.

And fear is very real. Fear of trying and failing or trying and succeeding. Fear of being accountable, fear of feelings, fear of realizing I have more days behind me than ahead of me. They say if you face your fears they dissipate... that is a skill I need to work on I guess. Booze gave me a false sense of control and at keeping fear at bay. Without booze, fear is rearing its ugly head.

LeeJane

It truly is never too late to turn your life around.

DoubleBarrel

I drank daily for about 25 years, and quite a bit for a few years leading up to that.

After a couple years sober, it all is like a bad dream. Everything is so much better now.

As long as you have a heart that is beating, are breathing air, and thinking thoughts, you can get sober and benefit from it. You can always find someone who has had it worse and nevertheless benefitted from sobriety. Let that motivate you.

LBrain

I turned 55 3 months into my sobriety quest. I have a long way to go and plenty of time to get there I believe. I have 25 excellent years left, 10 good years after that and the last ten or so I plan to slow down and take it easy. I want to be alive to see my wife reach 90!
That would put me in triple digits I don't want to be a drunk through all that. If I was, I don't think I'd make it half that far. And you could cross out excellent and good from the conversation - they'd just become years of surviving another day.

Soberwolf

Never too late

CAPTAINZING2000

I first read this story 11 years ago and your post reminded me of it.

An 87 Year Old College Student Named Rose

The first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn’t already know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder. I turned round to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being. She said, “Hi handsome. My name is Rose. I’m eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?”

I laughed and enthusiastically responded, “Of course you may!” and she gave me a giant squeeze.

“Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?” I asked. She jokingly replied, “I’m here to meet a rich husband, get married, and have a couple of kids…” “No seriously,” I asked. I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age. “I always dreamed of having a college education and now I’m getting one!” she told me.

After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate milkshake.We became instant friends. Every day for the next three months, we would leave class together and talk nonstop. I was always mesmerized listening to this “time machine” as she shared her wisdom and experience with me.

Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily made friends wherever she went. She loved to dress up and she reveled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was living it up.

At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet. I’ll never forget what she taught us. She was introduced and stepped up to the podium. As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor. Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said, “I’m sorry I’m so jittery. I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me! I’ll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know.” As we laughed she cleared her throat and began, “We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing. There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving success. You have to laugh and find humor every day. You’ve got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die. We have so many people walking around who are dead and don’t even know it!There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up. If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don’t do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old. If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight. Anybody can grow older. That doesn’t take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding opportunity in change. Have no regrets. The elderly usually don’t have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets.” She concluded her speech by courageously singing “The Rose.” She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives.

At the year’s end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those years ago. One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep. Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it’s never too late to be all you can possibly be .

When you finish reading this, please send this peaceful word of advice to your friends and family, they’ll really enjoy it! These words have been passed along in loving memory of ROSE.

REMEMBER, GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY. GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL.

We make a Living by what we get, We make a Life by what we give.

CNY46ER

F.E.A.R
False Evidence Appearing Real

Face it because what you desire is on the other side of fear