Very Bad Day
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Newark, Ohio
Posts: 17
Very Bad Day
Hi, Jeff here - Alcoholic
Today was a very bad day for me and need to talk.
I am on day 5 of being sober and I set myself up for a fall.
My wife and I live separately and are no longer together (but we remain friends) and we have the 3 kids I mentioned before. She also has a live-in boyfriend, and her father lived there too untill she wanted to kick him out. Well, she and her boyfriend work and she didn't know what to do about a babysitter if she did. We talked the matter over and seeing as how I lost my job due to my drinking (as well as her) I offered to watch the kids for a time while they worked. But the catch is that I had to watch them over there at her house because I didn't have enough food or other provisions to watch them over here at my place.
Today was the first day and at first I was alright. I figured that while I was there I would go ahead and do the laundry and wash the dishes just to help her out, but consciously aware of her boyfriends things laying about. That's when I started getting this sinking feeling inside. I tried to push it back and took a walk with the kids and watched them ride their bikes, and play. Then I went and got the laundry out of the dryer and started folding the clothes when I ran across some of his things and it hit me. "I am trully no longer a part of this family" and my heart sank even deeper. I told myself that I was just doing these extra things to help her out and finished folding the clothes. The day went on with me feeling very deppressed, but I did a pretty good job of concealing it from the kids. At the end of the workday the boyfriend came home before my wife and by this time, I was really ready to go home myself. I stood outside and talked to him for a couple of minutes, but before I could get away, my youngest daughter (she's 3) came up and was trying to talk to him and when he didn't answer right away, she said "dad,dad".
His response to her was that he wasn't her dad and that, I was, pointing to me. He knew I was hurt, but he was wrong. I was thoroughly and totally crushed. I was supposed to have a treatment meeting tonight but it was cancelled because the counselor left sick today. I did talk to my wife about my day and how I was feeling. she came over after work for me. she tried to reassure me that I wasn't losing the kids, but I cried my eyes out anyhow. I thank her for the reassurement and the hug, but I still basically feel like s**t.
I really want to drink right now, but I keep telling myself that alcohol is the reason I'm in this situation to begin with. I sincerily hope I make it through the night.
Thanks,
Jeff
P.S. I cannot and will not let her down this time though with watching the kids. I still love her and I love our kids as well.
Today was a very bad day for me and need to talk.
I am on day 5 of being sober and I set myself up for a fall.
My wife and I live separately and are no longer together (but we remain friends) and we have the 3 kids I mentioned before. She also has a live-in boyfriend, and her father lived there too untill she wanted to kick him out. Well, she and her boyfriend work and she didn't know what to do about a babysitter if she did. We talked the matter over and seeing as how I lost my job due to my drinking (as well as her) I offered to watch the kids for a time while they worked. But the catch is that I had to watch them over there at her house because I didn't have enough food or other provisions to watch them over here at my place.
Today was the first day and at first I was alright. I figured that while I was there I would go ahead and do the laundry and wash the dishes just to help her out, but consciously aware of her boyfriends things laying about. That's when I started getting this sinking feeling inside. I tried to push it back and took a walk with the kids and watched them ride their bikes, and play. Then I went and got the laundry out of the dryer and started folding the clothes when I ran across some of his things and it hit me. "I am trully no longer a part of this family" and my heart sank even deeper. I told myself that I was just doing these extra things to help her out and finished folding the clothes. The day went on with me feeling very deppressed, but I did a pretty good job of concealing it from the kids. At the end of the workday the boyfriend came home before my wife and by this time, I was really ready to go home myself. I stood outside and talked to him for a couple of minutes, but before I could get away, my youngest daughter (she's 3) came up and was trying to talk to him and when he didn't answer right away, she said "dad,dad".
His response to her was that he wasn't her dad and that, I was, pointing to me. He knew I was hurt, but he was wrong. I was thoroughly and totally crushed. I was supposed to have a treatment meeting tonight but it was cancelled because the counselor left sick today. I did talk to my wife about my day and how I was feeling. she came over after work for me. she tried to reassure me that I wasn't losing the kids, but I cried my eyes out anyhow. I thank her for the reassurement and the hug, but I still basically feel like s**t.
I really want to drink right now, but I keep telling myself that alcohol is the reason I'm in this situation to begin with. I sincerily hope I make it through the night.
Thanks,
Jeff
P.S. I cannot and will not let her down this time though with watching the kids. I still love her and I love our kids as well.
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Originally Posted by injinjoe37
P.S. I cannot and will not let her down this time though with watching the kids. I still love her and I love our kids as well.
Where do I start? WOW! You have convictions and strengths all over the place.
You can do it. Moment at a time if need be.
As far as letting others down... You are worth it as well. Do it for you also.
Really great to see a Dad who is willing to do for his children.
They are blessed to have you as a Dad.
Do for you and in doing so, you will also be doing for them. One day or if need be moment at a time... You can do it.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,510
Wow, Jeff that is really tough. That must have been really hard to do. I don't blame you for feeling bummed out.
I'm Anna, by the way, also alcoholic. You are newly sober and probably feeling pretty vulnerable. Your priority at this time has to be your recovery, you staying sober for another day. That is the most important thing.
You say that you will not let your wife down watching the kids. If that's the case, then you have to be prepared that you are going to be going into a tough situation each day. You need to focus on the fact that you are able to spend time with your kids. That's fantastic and a great opportunity. It gives you lots of time to bond with your children and it sounds like that is what you want. So, I would suggest focus on your kids and what you can do for them and the fact that you will be helping out your wife.
You want this to work out and you want to stay sober. Truthfully, I'm not sure that I could have handled the same situation that early on in sobriety. I hope the situation works out the way you want and I hope you keep posting.
Love, Anna
I'm Anna, by the way, also alcoholic. You are newly sober and probably feeling pretty vulnerable. Your priority at this time has to be your recovery, you staying sober for another day. That is the most important thing.
You say that you will not let your wife down watching the kids. If that's the case, then you have to be prepared that you are going to be going into a tough situation each day. You need to focus on the fact that you are able to spend time with your kids. That's fantastic and a great opportunity. It gives you lots of time to bond with your children and it sounds like that is what you want. So, I would suggest focus on your kids and what you can do for them and the fact that you will be helping out your wife.
You want this to work out and you want to stay sober. Truthfully, I'm not sure that I could have handled the same situation that early on in sobriety. I hope the situation works out the way you want and I hope you keep posting.
Love, Anna
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Eastern Massachusetts
Posts: 55
Hi Jeff - Let me start by saying that I don't have any answers for you. I was just so touched by your post that I had to respond. I think that you've done a wonderful thing to help your family out (you are still and always will be part of their family, just not part of the living arrangement) even though it was bound to be hard for you emotionally.
Please please don't drink tonight. That won't change the fact that the boyfriend's things are at the house; but you don't have to wash and fold his underwear either, you know!!
Can the kids come to your place with a bag lunch and a snack? That might be one place to start. You clearly love your kids and want what's best for them, and I applaud you for taking on this challenging task.
But please don't drink tonight. Just go to bed now if you have to!
Good luck - and take good care of yourself.
Please please don't drink tonight. That won't change the fact that the boyfriend's things are at the house; but you don't have to wash and fold his underwear either, you know!!
Can the kids come to your place with a bag lunch and a snack? That might be one place to start. You clearly love your kids and want what's best for them, and I applaud you for taking on this challenging task.
But please don't drink tonight. Just go to bed now if you have to!
Good luck - and take good care of yourself.
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Posts: n/a
Hi Jeff,
It's amazing what we put ourselves through for the sake of our children. But ya know...they're worth it. It's so important for them to have you remain in their lives...and so important that you take your recovery one baby step at a time.
When you find yourself obsessing about distressing issues and your mind is racing ahead to more distressing issues...stop and remind yourself that you don't have to solve all of life's problems right now. All you really have to do is enjoy the precious time you have with your children to the best of your ability...and you know as well as I that you can't do that hung over. You sound like a very mature person...trust me...this pain will make you stronger if you surrender yourself. Sometimes...when you lose, you win...and as you face each day sober...you will surprise even yourself.
I hope this helps even a little bit and that you will find time to do something special for yourself. You deserve to be happy too.
peace2u
It's amazing what we put ourselves through for the sake of our children. But ya know...they're worth it. It's so important for them to have you remain in their lives...and so important that you take your recovery one baby step at a time.
When you find yourself obsessing about distressing issues and your mind is racing ahead to more distressing issues...stop and remind yourself that you don't have to solve all of life's problems right now. All you really have to do is enjoy the precious time you have with your children to the best of your ability...and you know as well as I that you can't do that hung over. You sound like a very mature person...trust me...this pain will make you stronger if you surrender yourself. Sometimes...when you lose, you win...and as you face each day sober...you will surprise even yourself.
I hope this helps even a little bit and that you will find time to do something special for yourself. You deserve to be happy too.
peace2u
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: God's Grace
Posts: 689
Jeff, wow again!! Your a good man for being there to watch your kids. I probably can't even imagine how tough it must be for you. Picking up that drink will only make things worse. Look what it did already! Thats the insanity of this disease. Just be greatful for what you still have today - a place to live, time with your kids. Best of luck to you!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Newark, Ohio
Posts: 17
Hi, guys. Just got done talking to my wife over ***** mess. and reading your replies to my post and I do thank you very very much for the support. I really needed It.
And Yes I am still sober. I'm gonna go to bed now, but I'll post tomorrow.
And again, thank you very very much. I think I'll make it.
And Yes I am still sober. I'm gonna go to bed now, but I'll post tomorrow.
And again, thank you very very much. I think I'll make it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Newark, Ohio
Posts: 17
Hello again,
Just wanted to let you know that I did make it through the night without drinking.
It is the day after, right now, and I'm at my wifes house and the kids are still in bed.
When I made the decision to do this, I knew it would be hard at first (I new what I was facing), but I didn't expect it to hit me that hard. Maybe, now that the initial shock (or so to speak) is gone, It will be a little better.
I am so glad I found this site and I thank you all for the kind words, the advice, and the support you've given me. Hopefully I can return the same to others here in the future.
Thankfully also, that I have the support of my wife too. It helps.
I will post later on and let you know how the day went.
Sincerilly,
Jeff
P.S. Working on day 6.
Just wanted to let you know that I did make it through the night without drinking.
It is the day after, right now, and I'm at my wifes house and the kids are still in bed.
When I made the decision to do this, I knew it would be hard at first (I new what I was facing), but I didn't expect it to hit me that hard. Maybe, now that the initial shock (or so to speak) is gone, It will be a little better.
I am so glad I found this site and I thank you all for the kind words, the advice, and the support you've given me. Hopefully I can return the same to others here in the future.
Thankfully also, that I have the support of my wife too. It helps.
I will post later on and let you know how the day went.
Sincerilly,
Jeff
P.S. Working on day 6.
NOT EVEN 1 CLUB!!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: When I find myself, I'll let you know!
Posts: 1,835
((Jeff)) Good for you on not drinking. Enjoy the time with your kids. It sure does pass by fast. You are so strong, but don't quit reaching out for help!! That's one of our toughest things to do!! Hang in there. Miracles happen everyday!!
Hugs,
Missy
Hugs,
Missy
We all need each other.
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: The road of happy destiny.
Posts: 2,294
Hey Jeff--I just wanted to tell you what a sweet and wonderful thing it is that you are doing for your wife, your kids, and yourself. Those first weeks of sobriety are SO DAMN HARD!!! Hang in there. I am glad you have access to a computer at your wife's place. If you get really freaked, you can always come here!!!!
God bless you and your children. They are very lucky to have a Dad like you.
God bless you and your children. They are very lucky to have a Dad like you.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,510
Hi Jeff,
I'm so glad you made it through the night and that you are continuing to take care of your children. You're showing a lot of courage and determination right now and I do hope that you will be able to settle into a routine. This could be a very good situation for everyone. But, remember to take care of yourself.
Keep posting Jeff.
Love, Anna
I'm so glad you made it through the night and that you are continuing to take care of your children. You're showing a lot of courage and determination right now and I do hope that you will be able to settle into a routine. This could be a very good situation for everyone. But, remember to take care of yourself.
Keep posting Jeff.
Love, Anna
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Newark, Ohio
Posts: 17
Hi again guys,
Well, the day is over for watching the kids and as I was hoping, it wasn't as bad as yesterday. I still felt some twinges of deppression from time to time, but it was definately better. Day 6 is almost through.
To the new replies, thank you also. I'm still hangin in there.
Well, the day is over for watching the kids and as I was hoping, it wasn't as bad as yesterday. I still felt some twinges of deppression from time to time, but it was definately better. Day 6 is almost through.
To the new replies, thank you also. I'm still hangin in there.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: east coast
Posts: 2,440
Jeff,
Glad to hear that you made it through another day sober. We're here to lend a helping hand if you need it. There's always someone who will pray for you. Know that you will be in my prayers tonight!
Sherry
Glad to hear that you made it through another day sober. We're here to lend a helping hand if you need it. There's always someone who will pray for you. Know that you will be in my prayers tonight!
Sherry
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 22
Hey Jeff,
Glad to hear you made it. I'm proud of you, I don't know if I could have handled that situation. I am finding more and more that things really do happen for a reason, even if the reason isn't immediatly apparent.
Stay strong for you, and stay loving for your kids. Remember your kids will always be your kids. Give them some time getting to know you sober. It has taken a little while (38 days and counting) for my kids to get to know me sober/clean and they are still a little unsure of what to make of me, but it just keeps getting better. They will always have that unconditional love for you.
My prayers are with you.
Terry
Glad to hear you made it. I'm proud of you, I don't know if I could have handled that situation. I am finding more and more that things really do happen for a reason, even if the reason isn't immediatly apparent.
Stay strong for you, and stay loving for your kids. Remember your kids will always be your kids. Give them some time getting to know you sober. It has taken a little while (38 days and counting) for my kids to get to know me sober/clean and they are still a little unsure of what to make of me, but it just keeps getting better. They will always have that unconditional love for you.
My prayers are with you.
Terry
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