countrygirl2014

I have had a nightmare of a schedule with screwy half days of school, work at night, art pieces to do with Christmas coming, thanksgiving travel... All of this equals very little time in here and no meetings.
For those of you who contemplate if you are well enough or not...
I have never and will never say I am "cured" and don't need recovery groups of any kind. I am going on 2 weeks of no AA, not by choice. I will say this has been the hardest 2 weeks of this entire sober period. It takes a very strong person who desperately wants freedom from addiction to do this. I have been constantly harassed by AV. I want wine so bad I can taste it. Mentally I have basically living as a dry drunk. I'm praying everyday but they feel like just words. I AM going to get through this but in the meantime I'm holding onto that little voice in my head. My tiny "me" voice. The one that remembers the last relapse. The cute kid voice that craves security. Today will be my last day without my meetings. I will plow through everything I have to get done today so I can blanket myself in meetings tomorrow. I am not calling my sponsor for she just doesn't answer. I will call someone else from AA.
If I had any doubts of my addiction problems before, I don't now. Moral of the story...not meeting face to face with others in recovery is a dangerous, lonely place to be.

Jennifer

Lance40

You can do this Jennifer. That tiny "me" voice is the real you, and it sounds like you know what your plan needs to be. You've got the love, prayers and best wishes of the SR community to get you through this day, especially from this corner of the Canadian West Coast. I'll be checking in with this thread throughout the day, so if you start to get overwhelmed or need some support, make the time to pop in to post.

CNY46ER

Make that me voice go from tiny to a ROAR! Sometimes we have to face the demon alone, yet each time we do we grow stronger. Commend yourself for the hard work and discipline you displayed these past 2 weeks. I am very happy for you.

Magellan

I was just thinking that I can do this by myself, I don't need to log in everyday and the AV jumped on that bandwagon and suggested I have a Celebration Beer (one of my favorites - but very strong) after I set up the Christmas Tree with the kids. So I am logging on I have committed to making the Holidays Thanksgiving to Christmas a definite sober zone, no "Day 1's" and jump into 2015 with a strong resovle to never drink again.
Stay strong, I know you will !!

Hawkeye13

This is progress CG--you are aware and taking steps to respond in a proactive way to the AV urges.

This will lesson over time. Each battle you win with the AV makes the little "Me" voice a bit stronger until it becomes the "roar" CNY is talking about.

Keep up the good work, and post immediately before acting on any urges and you'll get through till tomorrow

strategery

I hope everything starts calming down for you Jennifer. You are doing an amazing job with staying sober despite everything!

countrygirl2014

Great support you guys! I went through my lists, again and finally got in touch with an old friend with quite a few years in recovery. It felt so good to be connected with a living voice of a fellow addict. He said all the right things at the right times and now I am smiling ear to eat ready to plow through today!
I feel so much better right now. Chore time!

Jennifer

RDBplus3

hello countrygirl,
my sponsor had me do the 3rd step prayer when I was struggling (desperately struggling). I repeated it like doing 99 Bottles of God on the Wall. It helped.

3rd Step Prayer
God, I offer myself to You--to build with me and to do with me according to Your will. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Your will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Your Power, Your Love, and Your Way of Life. May I do Your will always.
(Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 63)

RDBplus3...Sober & FREE

countrygirl2014

I love that prayer. Maybe I can memorize it by tomorrow, lol!

Jennifer

Soberwolf

Glad your feeling better CG

countrygirl2014

Thanks SoberWolf.
It's amazing how easy it is to make the yucky go away. It's a matter of getting through the stubborn and doing it.

Jennifer

JanieJ

You're a strong person, Jennifer.

You're one of those who get on and do whatever you need to do to stay sober. I admire that very much.

And back to meetings tomorrow. I know what you mean - I had to miss my meeting this week too, and am feeling a void where there should be sober talk.