appatently no contact is not a no to an alcoholic
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 26
appatently no contact is not a no to an alcoholic
I don't think I've given you guys very much background about myself, if any. I have trust issues. Hopefully you understand and forgive my reluctance to discuss the details of my experience with alcoholics.
I recently went no contact with my ex. I blocked him from everything I could think of. It's been three weeks and I am strong in my resolve to quit him. I take it one day at a time like I did when I quit smoking. I'm going to have bad days where I want the comfort of my addiction but all addictions destroy and kill if you give them your time and attention. It's not easy to quit any addiction but the benefits to you are worth the temporary discomfort and pain of quitting.
I forgot to tell all of my friends and family that I didn't want to hear anything about my ex. Actually I'm too embarrassed to admit that I was still in contact with my ex and that the contact was recently. He did so much damage that I was open and honest about. I find it hard to be honest about the fact that I couldn't stop contacting him. Addictions thrive in secret.
One of my friends recently told me that he contacted her wanting her to pass on the message for me to call him. It's embarassing to have a friend tell you something like that. That is not anything I want in my life. It scares me a little. I don't want him contacting any of my other friends. But I can't control what he does. Even if I called him to tell him to go kick rocks there's no guarantee he would listen. I can't control anyone or their reaction to this situation. Even if I tell all of my friends to never mention him again in my presence that's not a guarantee that they won't mention him. Sometimes people forget.
The only person I can control is me. I don't want to call him but I know I might. I might forget all of the work that I've done on myself. I might forget how important the peaceful and drama free life I've been busy creating is to me. My addicted brain might try to trick me into believing that my discomfort and frustration at being put in this situation needs to be taken care of RIGHT NOW and I might call him to tell him what he needs to do with his life to make my life better. Or maybe I'll convince myself that this is proof that he finally hit rock bottom and is ready to live a sober life and give me all the love and attention and true apologies I've been waiting two years for.
It doesn't matter what anyone tells me about my ex. It doesn't matter what my ex tells me about himself. I lived an unspeakable hell when I lived with him and it turned me into a monster of a person and even though I've spent the past two years working hard on my recovery she is still inside me waiting for her chance to take over again because she was always there. She is not who I want to be but I refuse to hate her and I refuse to give anything the opportunity to bring her back.
I just want to thank all of you who post here. I know I rarely post but I am here almost every single day struggling with you and your issues. It isn't easy to open yourself up and trust that this community has your best interest in every single response to your posts but I really think every single person wants to help however they can. It's not easy being involved with an alcoholic in any way but it is even harder to walk away from a person even when that person is destroying who you are. Thanks for reading. Thanks for being here. Thanks for helping me find my way to peace and recovery. Thanks for everything.
I recently went no contact with my ex. I blocked him from everything I could think of. It's been three weeks and I am strong in my resolve to quit him. I take it one day at a time like I did when I quit smoking. I'm going to have bad days where I want the comfort of my addiction but all addictions destroy and kill if you give them your time and attention. It's not easy to quit any addiction but the benefits to you are worth the temporary discomfort and pain of quitting.
I forgot to tell all of my friends and family that I didn't want to hear anything about my ex. Actually I'm too embarrassed to admit that I was still in contact with my ex and that the contact was recently. He did so much damage that I was open and honest about. I find it hard to be honest about the fact that I couldn't stop contacting him. Addictions thrive in secret.
One of my friends recently told me that he contacted her wanting her to pass on the message for me to call him. It's embarassing to have a friend tell you something like that. That is not anything I want in my life. It scares me a little. I don't want him contacting any of my other friends. But I can't control what he does. Even if I called him to tell him to go kick rocks there's no guarantee he would listen. I can't control anyone or their reaction to this situation. Even if I tell all of my friends to never mention him again in my presence that's not a guarantee that they won't mention him. Sometimes people forget.
The only person I can control is me. I don't want to call him but I know I might. I might forget all of the work that I've done on myself. I might forget how important the peaceful and drama free life I've been busy creating is to me. My addicted brain might try to trick me into believing that my discomfort and frustration at being put in this situation needs to be taken care of RIGHT NOW and I might call him to tell him what he needs to do with his life to make my life better. Or maybe I'll convince myself that this is proof that he finally hit rock bottom and is ready to live a sober life and give me all the love and attention and true apologies I've been waiting two years for.
It doesn't matter what anyone tells me about my ex. It doesn't matter what my ex tells me about himself. I lived an unspeakable hell when I lived with him and it turned me into a monster of a person and even though I've spent the past two years working hard on my recovery she is still inside me waiting for her chance to take over again because she was always there. She is not who I want to be but I refuse to hate her and I refuse to give anything the opportunity to bring her back.
I just want to thank all of you who post here. I know I rarely post but I am here almost every single day struggling with you and your issues. It isn't easy to open yourself up and trust that this community has your best interest in every single response to your posts but I really think every single person wants to help however they can. It's not easy being involved with an alcoholic in any way but it is even harder to walk away from a person even when that person is destroying who you are. Thanks for reading. Thanks for being here. Thanks for helping me find my way to peace and recovery. Thanks for everything.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Hugs, davenport,
You are far from alone, as you know. You don't have to share any details of your relationship with him you aren't comfortable sharing, but please know that if any of it includes abuse, there is help and you CAN take steps to prevent him from contacting you. I have worked in the domestic violence field for many years, so you can pm me if you ever want more info.
Apart from that, I think it is smart to tell your friends you don't want to hear from, or about him. Even if they forget, you can remind them. As soon as they start to mention him, just put up your hand and say, "Please--I really don't want to hear about him." Do what you need to do.
You are far from alone, as you know. You don't have to share any details of your relationship with him you aren't comfortable sharing, but please know that if any of it includes abuse, there is help and you CAN take steps to prevent him from contacting you. I have worked in the domestic violence field for many years, so you can pm me if you ever want more info.
Apart from that, I think it is smart to tell your friends you don't want to hear from, or about him. Even if they forget, you can remind them. As soon as they start to mention him, just put up your hand and say, "Please--I really don't want to hear about him." Do what you need to do.
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