Trouble with an alcoholic partner.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 1
Trouble with an alcoholic partner.
Hi, Im a 31 year old woman in a relationship with a serious alcoholic.
He's 34 years old and been drinking like this for apparently 6 years. We've been together for 2 and a half years.
We dated off and on since I was 14 years old. He never seemed to have a problem, even when we were dating the last time, 10 years ago.
Now, he drinks an awful lot, about 10 tall cans of beer every night. He has good days and bad days. Im sure you all know the story,
But he's cheated on me, basically started after we were dating for 5 months.
I had a baby with him, our son is 8 months old. He stopped talking to his exgirlfriend, whom works in the office of the construction company he works for. Then i found a screen shot picture on his phone that he was still talking to her shortly after I gave birth.
my heart was broken and we broke up for all of 2 days. We talked and he was remorseful and promised it wouldnt happen again.
We recently got a new place, a new car, and it seemed to be going well in the relationship department. But there are little hints popping up again.
And his drinking was doing alot better, only 3 beer a night instead of 10.
I try to help him, he says he wants to stop drinking, but it doesnt happen.
I have no idea how to help him, what to say or not to say.
He always has an excuse why he gets drunk, We argued or He knew i was not trusting him, or hes stressed about something. It always comes back to being something that I did to stress him out.
I know its just an excuse, that he has a sickness and its not my fault.
I just need some support from people with experience.
I dont know if I can continue this relationship with the alcoholism. I cant tell if hes cheating or not. I truly don't believe he is anymore. (the last time i found out, it was a huge blow out and i kicked him out, I was 7 days post op from a c section)
I know im ranting! I need help!
He's 34 years old and been drinking like this for apparently 6 years. We've been together for 2 and a half years.
We dated off and on since I was 14 years old. He never seemed to have a problem, even when we were dating the last time, 10 years ago.
Now, he drinks an awful lot, about 10 tall cans of beer every night. He has good days and bad days. Im sure you all know the story,
But he's cheated on me, basically started after we were dating for 5 months.
I had a baby with him, our son is 8 months old. He stopped talking to his exgirlfriend, whom works in the office of the construction company he works for. Then i found a screen shot picture on his phone that he was still talking to her shortly after I gave birth.
my heart was broken and we broke up for all of 2 days. We talked and he was remorseful and promised it wouldnt happen again.
We recently got a new place, a new car, and it seemed to be going well in the relationship department. But there are little hints popping up again.
And his drinking was doing alot better, only 3 beer a night instead of 10.
I try to help him, he says he wants to stop drinking, but it doesnt happen.
I have no idea how to help him, what to say or not to say.
He always has an excuse why he gets drunk, We argued or He knew i was not trusting him, or hes stressed about something. It always comes back to being something that I did to stress him out.
I know its just an excuse, that he has a sickness and its not my fault.
I just need some support from people with experience.
I dont know if I can continue this relationship with the alcoholism. I cant tell if hes cheating or not. I truly don't believe he is anymore. (the last time i found out, it was a huge blow out and i kicked him out, I was 7 days post op from a c section)
I know im ranting! I need help!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
I'm sorry for your situation.
You might consider AlAnon as a support for you. Also we have a forum for Friends & Families where you can find support for yourself:
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
You might consider AlAnon as a support for you. Also we have a forum for Friends & Families where you can find support for yourself:
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Hi, Harty, and welcome.
You have a story very familiar to many of us. I suggest you check out the Friends and Family of Alcoholics forum. You'll find a lot of understanding and support there.
Living with alcoholism drives everyone a little crazy, so you aren't alone. There isn't much you can do to change his drinking, but a lot you can do to get your own head straight and to get healthy so you can make good choices for yourself and your baby.
Hugs,
You have a story very familiar to many of us. I suggest you check out the Friends and Family of Alcoholics forum. You'll find a lot of understanding and support there.
Living with alcoholism drives everyone a little crazy, so you aren't alone. There isn't much you can do to change his drinking, but a lot you can do to get your own head straight and to get healthy so you can make good choices for yourself and your baby.
Hugs,
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: midwest
Posts: 484
Originally Posted by LexieCat 
There isn't much you can do to change his drinking, but a lot you can do to get your own head straight and to get healthy so you can make good choices for yourself and your baby.
Hugs,
Hugs,
Communicate the plans for you and your son with him. Standards and quality issues for your son to be healthy and have all the tools he will need to be competitive and successful in life. Ask him for your support and give him the opportunity to support you/your son.
If he isnt willing to support you then maybe its time to make some decisions. I hope it works out with him but dont allow his immaturity to destroy you and your son.
Considering he cut-down considerably, he may adjust his personal habits to conform in raising a healthy son and giving you the support and security that you need.
Much love and best of luck!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Originally Posted by SoberComposer
Communicate the plans for you and your son with him. Standards and quality issues for your son to be healthy and have all the tools he will need to be competitive and successful in life. Ask him for your support and give him the opportunity to support you/your son.
*****
Considering he cut-down considerably, he may adjust his personal habits to conform in raising a healthy son and giving you the support and security that you need.
*****
Considering he cut-down considerably, he may adjust his personal habits to conform in raising a healthy son and giving you the support and security that you need.
Al-Anon is the best place to look for support, I think. Everyone there "gets" what you are dealing with, and the program will help you to clear your head and get stronger.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
Welcome to the family. 
You can't change him or his behavior, but you can change yourself. How much more of this can you take? Can you get out and start life on your own? He certainly doesn't seem like a good partner to be raising a child with. 
You can't change him or his behavior, but you can change yourself. How much more of this can you take? Can you get out and start life on your own? He certainly doesn't seem like a good partner to be raising a child with. 
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