Briar

I had a sober Thanksgiving, and it was really nice. I actually felt more comfortable sober because I wasn't trying to hide how drunk I was, and I wasn't missing whole chunks of conversations thinking about my next drink. I wasn't tempted. I genuinely didn't feel like drinking, but there is this everpresent sense that something is missing. I don't feel whole, like I'm not really me.

The drive home was very different sober (my husband always drives, don't worry). The darkness and the lights and the music on the radio didn't feel as intense as usual. The world didn't feel strange, I didn't feel out of place. And if I'm honest, I kind of missed the intensity. Maybe it was just the familiarity I missed, strange has been my friend for a long time. The devil I've known.

When I was drinking, I wrote: I feel too much when I’m sober. I can’t feel anything unless I’m drunk. I'm not used to perceiving the world sober, and it feels overwhelming yet unsatisfying. I can't think the way I used to, so I don't really know what I think. I guess it's an adjustment I'll make over time.

Serenidad

Hang in there! Thinking of you! (((Hug)))

LBrain

Congratulations and thanks for sharing Briar. Sure it's a bit of a different feeling. But you will soon discover it's benefits. Being able to pick out details instead of just a sensory overload is much better I think. And being able to recall those details is another benefit.

awholenewlife52

Briar, I totally get where you're coming from about not feeling entirely like yourself, or not feeling entirely whole, when you are sober. I completely feel like that too, and it's one of the things that worries me most about being sober for the rest of my life, even though I know logically that my life would be so much better if I stopped drinking.

No advice as yet as I'm still in a bad spot myself, but just wanted to let you know there's someone here in the UK who totally gets what you mean!

least

It will get better with more sober time.

Soberwolf

Well done Briar youl get used to it and it gets a lot easier

JanieJ

Well done Briar. It may have felt weird,but it's early days, and have you considered what a huge victory that was for you ? How far you have come ?

Proud of you ((())))

CNY46ER

Briar;
Congrats on staying sober. I really don't have any advice for you I just wanted to say I understand where your coming from on how your feeling. I am on day 59 being sober, yet to be honest I don't have any feelings of accomplishment or happiness. I used to be happy when I was drinking. Now I just feel sort of numb. Again good job ^5.

soberclover

I can't remember when it happened for me; probably after my first year being sober and the intensity of sober reality started happening. There is something extremely empowering for me about being a sober recovering alcoholic and addict. When intense situations present themselves in my life, I instinctively know that I will be able to handle them. I used to think there was deep intensity in my emotions when I was drinking, but for me I realized it was just me being drunk. Things will balance out more for you the longer you stay sober

awholenewlife52

soberclover, just to say thank you for this post, it has helped me immensely to start sorting out my thoughts. X

ArtFriend

There are many contradictions in your writing. You like being sober, but not really. It feels overwhelming and unsatisfying. You feel too much when you are sober, but you can't feel anything unless you are drunk?

I hope it all settles for you and your thoughts gain more clarity as time goes on. I am new to sobriety and I am all over the map too!