wolflvr

Hi everyone! I hope you all had a great weekend. On Friday my husband had written a note to me because last week he had hurt me by drinking again and being at the alcoholic neighbors. The note said "Starting today I will not hurt my wife, I love her too much to lose her." Anyways this weekend started out pretty good. Saturday night a found a club can in his closet (I know Im not supposed to look) and then yesterday we had a great day..got furniture etc. Then when we got home I knew he had went to liquor store across the street(he is not as tricky as he thinks). So, a while after that I found(looked again) a small bottle of vodka under the couch cushion. I told him he needed to get rid of it or I was gonna leave. He threw it in the trash but I could tell it was bothering him. He said "what is the big deal, you would have never known if you didnt look." I asked why he "needed" to drink. He said it helps him relax, not get drunk. Well about 1/2 hour later he of course said "I dont care what you say, they is 1 shot left and Im not gonna waste it" and went and drank it. I did not say anything about it after that except that he knows the consenquences of his drinking.such as health problems (which he already has had) and me leaving him. He is in no way like he used to be ( a complete drunk day after day), but I still cannot handle the facts after all his health problems, hospital stays etc that he is so stupid to drink even a drop. He is going to the doctors Thursday and is going to have a cat scan scheduled for a possible cyst they saw on his last one to see if it is still there etc. I asked him why he is even going. Say they say it is there and he cant drink...will he stop? Who knows. He hasnt yet. Its amazing to me the power alcohol has over some people. I have been sober for almost 5 months(yeah for me). I quit when he almost died and was hospitalized for 2 weeks(from drinking). I felt I had to quit, he had to and it would be too hard for him if I kept it up plus the fact I was sick of it myself. Through his so called "slips" Ive managed not to drink and have no desire to thank God. I feel like I enable him if I dont leave like I say I will when I find out he has had a drink. He doesnt get drunk but still I know what it will do to his health. I get mad at him that he is so stupid. We only have one chance at this life..why waste it yanno. I keep thinking maybe if his ct scan shows a cyst still he will stop completely. I am thankful it is nothing like it used to be but even the smallest amount upsets me to no end. What should I do? Ignore it? Act like I dont care?

Karivan

Hi Wolflvr. You have to get on with your recovery and your life. He makes his own choices. You don't have any control over what he does and you will drive yourself crazy trying to change him. Only he can do that. It's hard, I know. I'm doing that now. I have a good job, good friends, and hobbies without him. I have gotten myself to the point that I can support myself without him. My next hardest step is leaving him. I'm not to that point yet but all the intimacy in our marriage is gone.

My sister, her husband, and my cousin have died from alcohol related health problems in the past 4 years. A true alcoholic will drink themselves to death and there isn't a thing you can do about it. We tried to get her into rehab, she signed herself out; we tried to put her into an inpatient facility, she signed herself out; she lived with my parents and then went home because she couldn't drink as much and as freely as she wanted to. That's sad I know. But if your A wants to drink even though he has health problems, you have to decide what to do about your own life. You can't make him stop.

imfedup

Dear Wolflvr and Karivan,

My A boyfriend's mother told me the same thing long time ago: "they will not stop drinking because of his parents, brothers, or girlfriends, they will not stop because of health problems. You must take care of yourself and leave him! He probably will wake up after being alone, or probably die soon." But I am still stobbernly trying. It is so sad. He is only 32 yrs old but has 20 yrs of drug and alcoholic problem. He is diabetic and bi-polar, which means he becomes insane when he drinks. Even though he knows he got a problem and promised me never drink again several time, his situation (drinking, mental and physical) gets worse and worse. During the last six months since he lost his job, he has been drinking over 30 Bud Ice each day. He is drunk all the time and has no motivation of doing anything else but lying and watching TV. I thought about moving out so many times but I am afraid that I will trigger him to give up his life totally. He had so many blackouts that he broke stuffs in the house, fell on the floor, bruised his face all the time, but he didn't even remember what happened! I am so afraid! I called embulance six times but he tried to get out as soon as possible and came home with another 30 pack. He ended up hating me for dialing 911. I cannot watch him destroying himself anymore!

His psychologist recommended me keep calling the embulance and hopefully the hospitally will keep him for extended time as "involuntery proceeding?". Do you think it a good idea? He has been threatening to call the police on me too if I call 911 again. Based on what Karivan said, I am afraid that he will still come back drinking if he was made to stay at the rehab.

All in all, I kept saying to myself, how sick this relationship has been and why I am still there! Because I keep trying to "help" this insane person and save his life, my life was severely impacted and I am now in a legal mess. I am such an independent person but emotionally I am so weak to make up my mind to leave him!

Thanks for listening... I am feel a little better than I am not alone. I will keep going to the Al-anon meetings.

wolflvr

Im so sorry to hear about your loved ones, that must be very hard for you. In my head I know I cannot control what he does etc. but my heart tells me to try to help him stop completely. I know he loves me very much but he needs to love himself first. We are trying to have a baby and have been for some time now. He wants a family and I would not have considered it if he was drinking like he was before. I just can never understand why he or anyone has to have a drink when now he doesnt even drink enough to do anything to him so why bother. Its like a comfort thing or something I dont know but whatever it is, it is wrong. I guess I just need to sit back and not worry about it even though its easier said than done. I am capable of leaving him and making a new life for myself also, but that is not what I want however I dont want to sit around and he may go back to his old self yanno. Confused is the best word here. Does your AH drink around you? I wont allow my husband to drink around me so that is why if he does he hides it or does it elsewhere. He says he can take it or leave it. Yeah right, if that was the case he would leave it. I also asked him if he wanted to completely quit why doesnt he ask his doctor for anti-buse or something...no reply from him of course. I guess we will see what happens.