Jeni26

2 years 6 months and 1 day sober....and planning to drink again.

It has crept up on me..and it took the words of another to make me realise what is happening. I got a message from a friend and sponsee tonight.."how are you doing? I'm so thankful you came into my life, thankful for your sponsorship and the huge impact it made on my sobriety"... Lovely words.

Truth is, I've been isolating. I haven't checked in on her like I should have done. I've stopped posting on SR. I haven't answered PMs from people, I stopped posting on my Facebook page which is dedicated to my recovery network, I stopped contact with my sponsor...and I've been drifting. Drifting isn't good for me.

My husband is also an alcoholic. We've been sober for the same length of time give or take a day or 2. We have had tentative snatched conversations about drinking together over Christmas..not definite plans, just maybes...

Maybes when I'm isolated from all my support are dangerous.

I need to be anchored to SR again.

Soberwolf

Hi Jeni i dont mind being a tugboat

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-surfing.html

Im so glad your reaching out

pm me anytime and read your sig it says it all

Serenidad

Oh no!!! Don't do it Jeni! I relapsed last fall after 5 years, 6 months and 2 days of sobriety and now I am struggling to put a few days together!!!

Please don't go back to that darkness! I would give anything to turn back the clock! You. Are. Not. Missing. Anything! (Unless you like depression, anxiety, feeling sick, shame, guilt, spending money you don't have, gaining the 25 pounds you worked to hard to lose, and the list goes on and on and on!)

You will be right back where you were in NO TIME! Only it will be sooo much harder to get sober! I'm so glad you are telling on your disease! If you could be ME for ONE day right now there is NO WAY IN H-LL YOU WOULD DRINK AGAIN!

Welcome back to SR. Do you go to AA? I started isolating too and forgot what I was...then I fell back into the horrid abyss!

biminiblue

Nice to see you reaching out, Jeni.

I drift as a lifestyle, so I understand.

Please don't turn out the lights.

Anna

Jeni, I'm really glad you posted.

It would be so sad for you to decide to drink again after all the work you've put into recovery. The words from your friend are lovely and I hope you take them to heart and believe that you are doing positive things in your life.

Serenidad

One more thing.....take some time to go back to your very first SR post and read through all of them...That may bring back some memories as to why you stopped in the first place.

Gilmer

So glad you're back, Jeni! I had been wondering about you.

LBrain

well, glad you checked in for a second opinion on the christmas maybes.

good that you knew what your mind was trying to do, great example of reaching out.

just don't wait so long, show your 'face' more often.

Hawk07

Nooo! Please don't do it. 914 days is incredible! You and your husband will find yourselves right back to where you were or worse! what if christmas turns to new years, turns to the next few years and so on. As an alcoholic myself I can only trust myself up until I have that first drink..then who knows where it will take me and for how long.

Dee74

I'm really glad you reached out Jeni

You may not see it but you've come a long way.

It would be truly tragic if you were to turn back now.

Whatever answers, solution or respite you're seeking, alcohol is not it.


D

Aellyce

Hi Jeni, great that you posted this. Please don't. Especially with your husband, the two of you together... oh my. I am sure you have read many stories here on SR and heard in AA about people relapsing after a good amount of sober time. It tends to get worse and more difficult to stop than the first time. And it's almost certain that you would start drinking alcoholically again.

So what is the appeal of drinking now? I believe it's not the kind of cravings we get in early sobriety. Are you stressed? Bored? Dissatisfied with any area of your life? Or things are going very well and you feel overly confident? I would work on these then. If you have emotional problems, see a new therapist perhaps?

Please don't drink. I can't predict future but in this case I will confidently say you would regret it seriously.

mecanix

Hi Jeni ,
hauling for ya …
You do remember the posts about how good your relationship is now with the family , you do remember the sickness , the nerves , the jitters , unclear thinking , confusion , time of your life being wasted ?

The irritability … not remembering the night before , the money wasted , the wondering if your over the drink drive limit , the arguments over nothing … sweats ,

As you know for me i think of alcohol as a delusion , it appears to offer comfort but in reality it causes dis-comfort , dis-ease and pain .

Certainly for me in all honesty it will never be "just one" we can't go back on the roller-coaster ride of our past , no nostalgia .. think the whole deal through , for me it always ended up in pain and hurt ..

Nice to see you back BTW, m

soberclover

So good that you are aware that talking about drinking is pre-planning of a relapse. From experience I can say that it is very easy to justify that because you have been sober for a length of time that it is now "okay" to drink. The reality is that it isn't. I have never heard of anyone who is an alcoholic and relapsed tell me that they are honestly glad that they did and that it is honestly working out well for them. Whenever I hear of someone who is "pre-planning" a relapse, I always wonder what they are REALLY looking for. I'm wondering if there is a stress going on in people's lives and they are looking for an escape. Or if someone they know recently started drinking again and nothing too awful happened.

wehav2day

((((((((Jenigrrrrrllll)))))

So good to see you here!! Our disease thrives on darkness and secrecy. I know you don't want to invite that back into your life. Or your marriage.

Keep yourself in the light. You deserve to stay sober. You have a lot of friends here who can help you carry the load.

P.s. I meant every word in that message

wehav2day

Hey I just realized I was kinda saving my 2000th post for something "special" and it was that one above. See? You're special.

beach20

I relapsed four years ago....thought I was so much better that I could handle a couple of glasses of wine. Now I am back on day 1 again after losing my job, my home, some friends and of course, my self respect. I wish that I had had the courage to reach out like you have!

I am new to SR but I already feel a part of the community because of people like you.

480heath

Hi jeni.it is me heath.You know where I am if I can be helpful.

LDT

Me too, Jeni. We've been through a lot together these last 2 years . I'm always here for you . Relapse is a dead end street . It offers us nothing .

Gilmer

Hope to see you tomorrow, Jeni!

Hevyn

We love you Jeni. I'm so sorry you're going through this challenging time. Please never stop sharing your thoughts & feeling with those who've been there and care.