wifewith3kids

This is my first post, I have read for a while though. I will give some background on my situation. My husband (B) and I have been married for 13 years this past June. We have 3 kids age 11, 8, and 4. When I met my husband he has been sober for several years already. If he would have stayed sober all this time he would be 21 years sober this coming Feb. A few years ago B began complaining of hip and back pain. He said he needed pain pills. Of course he never took them as directed. He abused them. 90 could be gone in less than a week. He got pills from 3 different drs. He hid them. He lied about them. He was seeing several doctors at the time. I was very concerned about this. I called the drs to let them all know, nothing changes until they finally kicked him out of all of the pain clinics one at a time over a period of a few months. I thought it was over then. There was a period of about 6 months that he had no access to his pain meds and evidently he choose to start drinking. I was unaware of the drinking until around Nov. I finally smelled it on his breath. He went to rehab on Dec 29 2012.


I have been so proud of him since then. He sees a therapist regularly. He sees another dr that prescribes him suboxone. Several weeks ago he ran out of suboxone about a week early. He said the pharmacy messed up. This is a lie. It is only given 14 days at a time. He would have know immediately if some were missing. He was moody and grumpy and sick until he got his next prescription. I noticed in the last few week his behavior has changed. Always in bed, never feels good, moody. I got curious and checked our bank account. There are many charges for gas stations. Sometimes more than one a day, at times its 3 times a day. The amount spent is from $15 _$60. This worried me.

This past Sunday he was drunk. It was obvious and he was being an ass one minute and asleep sitting in the chair the next. He thinks no one knows, not even me. I checked the account and saw a liquor store charge of $12.49 on Sat. There was another one at a different liquor store today for about the same amount. My questions is.... do I confront him? Do I let him try to work this out on his own? How bad is this gonna get and how fast will it happen? I don't know if this is a slip and he will stop or we are on a downhill fall.

I know its a lot to read, sorry for that. I also know there is way more to this story that may be needed for someone to help me. I just don't know what to add and what i can omit. If anyone has advice for me, I would be grateful. If more info is needed, please just ask.

Thank you for your time,
Jillian

LexieCat

It sounds like a downhill fall to me, at this point. It doesn't mean he CAN'T recover, but two relapses in a relatively short period of time is rather worrisome.

Has he been in AA since you were married? Or has he been doing this on his own? (Aside from the rehab and therapist)

Nobody can predict with any certainty what will happen, but in the meantime your kids are exposed to this.

I suggest you find an Al-Anon group and start thinking about what you are willing to live with.

wifewith3kids

Thank you so much for replying to me. I guess I should have mentioned this before but my mind is scattered right now. My husband was a drug and alcohol counselor for 15 years. He stopped last year when the halfway house closed. When we met he attended the AA meetings. He went when he worked one night a week at the halfway house. He hasn't been since then. Not even when he got out if rehab almost two years ago.

I just wish I knew what to expect with this and what I can do to help stop this. If I confront him and let him know that I know, will that help or make it worse?

suki44883

Welcome to SR, Jillian. You will find a lot of support here.

wifewith3kids

Can I go to the alanon meeting if he still thinks I don't know he drinking? How can I find the meetings? Are they in the phone book?

wifewith3kids

Thank you suki44883. I just don't trust my own instincts anymore because last time he had been drinking for a while before I even knew. How could I not know? I've never felt so dumb in my life.

suki44883

Here is a link for al-anon meetings in and around Owensboro, KY

http://www.kyal-anon.org/alalist7.html

wifewith3kids

Suki, you are the most awesome! Thank you

suki44883

You are NOT dumb! You are just experiencing something you haven't been through before. Hang around here with us and we'll help you. You will find a lot of good information in the "sticky" posts at the top of this forum.

LexieCat

Phone book? What is this "phone book" of which you speak? JK, I just haven't touched one in a long time.

Of course, you can go. His drinking/drug use troubles you so you are more than welcome.

Here's the website for your local office. The meetings are listed. http://www.kyal-anon.org/alalist7.html

Carlotta

You are an adult and can go wherever you want to as long as you are not breaking any laws and there are many Al Anon members whose qualifier is either sober or out of the picture.
Here is a useful link for meetings in your area
http://www.kyal-anon.org/alalist7.html
to SR

Looks like Lexiecat is a tad faster on the keyboard than I am lol

wifewith3kids

I could just cry right now. I have been reading this site for a while but was a little afraid to post. Sometimes people online can be so mean and hurtful. You guys are awesome. Thank you for being so helpful and kind.

Yes, the phone book is a dinosaur. I have no cell phone but I do have my kindle!

Thank you again. I took a deep breath and made the post with hope and some fear. Then held my breath while waiting for the reply. Thank god there are people like you guys around.

Katchie

Its ok.. hugs...Im in the same boat where I have a very hard time knowing if my H has been drinking. It makes me feel so stupid, too. I know I'm not dumb and your'e not either. You will have a great support system here. These folks are fantastic!

suki44883

((((HUGS))))...you're going to be just fine, WW3.

wifewith3kids

Is there a general guideline for how relapse normally happens? What happens next?

LexieCat

I don't think you can say there's a "usual" way things happen. He'll become less able to hide it, he may start arguments or start blaming you for things to deflect from the addiction. It sounds like he may be buying drugs on the street, which is dangerous. He may start driving under the influence (if he isn't already).

KidsR#1

Welcome! There is so much support and knowledge here.

What I have learned is that A's are very good at hiding their relapses, but with each relapse my AH has I have gotten better/faster at seeing the signs. Unfortunately their is no guideline on a relapse. All you can do is take care of yourself and the kids.

Katchie

I WISH with all my heart there were such a thing! My H has been an alcoholic for 10+ years but only truly came out of denial a year ago and I'm still learning. The biggest thing to learn is not so much about him as much as learning about myself.

CodeJob

Hello Wifewith3kids, welcome to SR!

When your H came out of rehab in 2012, did you two work up a relapse agreement or set boundaries?

For me, I'd have to acknowledge the truth. Sweeping things under the rug is no longer the best approach for me.

Is he helping with any kid driving? That is one boundary I put in place without even consulting my H. I drove our part in all car pools and built a network of school friend moms for transport.

Peace.

wifewith3kids

Codejob, no we never did anything like that. I've never heard of a relapse agreement. I'm gonna look it up now though.