Katchie

After picking up my youngest son last night I tried to continue the rushed conversation I had with him earlier. I asked him what he would do if the wife of his young children started acting strange and then you found out she was drinking and running all her errands with your children while drunk? What would you do knowing your addict wife was at home trying to care for your children while drunk? Can she care for them in that state? Can she drive safely with them in that state? He said he didn't know. I just asked him to see my side of things. That my suggesting I may have to leave his dad is because of the drinking and not because of him or his brothers and that they have done nothing wrong. Tried to make it clear he could not, nor any of his brothers, make their dad drink or make him get sober. Explained that HIS relapse, NOT ours, left uncared for BY DAD would only escalate and worsen over time. Shared with him some things I've kept from them because I've tried to shield them from as much as possible, but I didn't share all of it, just enough for him to get an honest picture.
He asked me what dad said to me when they left for the movies that Friday when I asked him if he had been drinking. So, I was just truthful that he hurled a lot of F bombs at me. He sighed and said his dad isn't who he remembers him being when he was little, that he just isn't the same person. So, I told him that I've searched in my mind when this all started, not that it mattered, but that I could see the progression over time since I met him. Back then I just didn't understand what I was witnessing not coming from a home with alcoholism.
All in all it was a good conversation and I think he gets it. The pressure he was feeling that he would somehow cause me to leave by telling me what he saw in his dad's car -- the crown bottle -- is not in his power, but it IS within his dads power to prevent. I told him not to hate his dad, he just feels he needs to check out of reality sometimes because he doesn't handle life well. We need to pray for him and not be enablers by covering it for him.
I looked up Alateen meetings and there are only two in my city and neither are not close to me. I don't think I could talk any of them into going; I've tried before. I'm just pleased that he was open, listened, had questions, and I could see some relief.

MissFixit

You are a good mom, Katchie.

LexieCat

Yes, you are.

Katchie

Thank you. I often don't feel like I've been a good mom after all I've blindly allowed to go on. I only hope that opening up the channels of communication are healing and helps them to avoid going down the road their dad has chosen.

SparkleKitty

Katchie as an Adult Child of an Alcoholic, from a family where nothing was ever spoken out loud, I am incredibly moved by these conversations and thankful for your boys that they have you in their lives at this time. You are doing just great.

hopeful4

You are a good momma. Honesty is the best policy. Keeping that communication open is the very best thing you can do.

Tight Hugs, I get it.

XXX