Mia1972

Hi,
I am sober since 328 days. It has been great up to now. Since June I quit eating meat and poultry and became a pesco vegetarian. I started to write short stories which was my dream. As I said up to here it is good. But just now and then I started to wander how long this is going to last? Sometimes a thought comes and I say to myself what if a time comes and i say that i can drink a glass or two of wine and nothing happens and then I shiver just with that thought. I am afraid there will come a time where I will want to drink wine with my food. This is specific to wine and not to other hard liquors. Sometimes I miss the feeling of tipsiness. But then I remember what comes after in my format of drinking.
I am waiting to hear your concerns, feelings and thoughts.
Hope everyone is doing well.

Jsbodhi

Wine is my drink of choice too, love it. But unfortunately the warm tipsiness subsides and I turn into a black out psycho
Used to drink it and write, but I also used to drink it and verbally abuse people I loved, act like an idiot among other things I don't want to publicly admit......
Try not to romanticize it, that's where I struggle too.

Mia1972

Dear Jsbodhi
By saying try not to romanticise what exactly do you mean??

Lusher

Hey Mia1972-

First, congrats on the 328 days!!!

I don't know what your history as far how bad off you were, but I'm really against an alcoholic who tries to 'morph' into a normal drinker. I just think if people like us were able to actually control our drinking, then it would have been controlled, and we would not have any booze related problems. So, for me, it's it's being a non-drinker 100%, without compromise.

And as you know, alcohol is progressive. So, perhaps tonight you are able to manage to keep it to 1-2 glasses of wine and remain that way for a bit of time, but I don't think that discipline would last. Plus how enjoyable will that wine actually be if you know that you're limited?

I miss the feeling too, but being wired the way that I am, it's juts off-limits to me.

Whatever you decide, I do wish you well.


Lusher

Mia1972

Dear Lusher
I certainly won't drink. I somehow know that. But the thought disturbs me. Sometimes I find it too unrealistic to be alcohol free for example after 5 years. And it is these kinds of thoughts that makes me feel afraid. And I don't know how to deal with those thoughts

Jsbodhi

I always think of red wine with dinner, sitting in a nice restaurant or at home cooking a meal with candles lit, or sitting down with music and writing, or chatting with my honey beside the fireplace sharing a bottle of wine......

Sure it always starts this way and it's lovely, but I won't just have a glass or two and enjoy myself,I 'll drink two bottles, smash the leftover dinner plates against the wall, storm out of the restaurant and walk home in the freezing cold alone, because I imagined something someone said that was insulting (which didn't happen the way I thought it did)
Or throw my drink in my lovers face as I bring up something that happened a year ago that I don't even care about anymore in sober life.

Haha! Wine is lovely for some people, me not so much....

Mags1

Hi Mia, the future has some uncertainty for all of us. I never ever thought I could go without drink for too long.
When you're thinking of your glass of wine with your meal, a pastime I partook in also, go the whole 9 yards. Fast forward to 2 drinks, maybe 2 bottles, the next day, the hangovers, regrets, embarrassment.

Forever is a long time, today is what we know we have and if we stay sober in that day, we've done what we set out yo accomplish.

Congratulations on 328 days.

LBrain

thought I logged off but had to reply to this...
first of all do you eat farm raised fish - don't worry about it, I don't want you drinking again.

Romanticise it. I think that expression comes from an experience a man had a long time ago. His woman treated him like sttt, stole from him and cheated on him, berated him and basically made his existence not worth living. Every now and then she would treat him nicely.
And he always went back to her because he missed that feeling of love when she offered it to him. Everyone else around him knew it was the wrong thing to do because after a little romance she would do the same thing again, and again, and again. But he always went back for more.
Eventually he lost his mind.

paloverde

I used to love wine. But when I really think about it, my experiences with wine the last few years were rarely pleasant. Every once in a while I'd get a bottle that actually tasted good, but most of the time I didn't even enjoy it like I used to. I just chugged it and chain smoked and ended up with a purple tongue and a splitting headache. I've had many many hundreds of bottles all to myself, all painfully and slowly converted and processed by my liver into acetyldehyde and finally acetic acid. Have you ever seen how grapes for typical store bought wine are grown out in the California central valley? The growers have to use quite a bit of fungicide and pesticide to protect their crops. Here's an interesting website that documents what chemicals and how much of each were used on fields for wine grapes in 2012. PAN Pesticide Use Info for Wine Grapes

ESD907

I had 2 years sober.and I thought I'd have a glass of wine. (wine was mine too). next thing, I woke up a few weeks later. I don't know how I got the kids off to school, packed lunches, made dinner...it was all a blur. I missed doctor appts..I blew off everything to have more wine. IT was not pretty... I just came out of rehab 2 days ago. And I was not a falling down drunk. I still run my own business, I have a normal life. I lost weeks of my life. Over the years, probably lost months, if not 'years' . when you add them all together. just get help if its possible. rehab probably saved my life, and mostly, the well being of my family. If you can't do it for you, do it for 'them'.

goose333

Mia1972
Yeah, I know how you feel. I think the same thing now and then. But I also think if anything gets me off track, it will be something like that. Imagining how nice and then...
I posted a similar thread and fromadistance replied with the following. I think I will return to read it every time I feel tempted.

In reality, for me, virtually all of the grand sparkling occasions that started with all the promise of moonlight in a martini ended with vomit and tears. -fromadistance

FreeOwl

It's normal to have these thoughts sometimes I think.

Are you working a program?

What are you doing to support your sobriety?

Does it go beyond just 'not drinking'?

An occasional thought will likely happen... But for me if it becomes recurrent it's a sign that I need to shore up my balance and work my sobriety.

Soberwolf

Well done on your 328 days mia

JanieJ

Well done on 328 days Mia, that's an amazing achievement

"Romanticising" means to remember drinking as a much better experience than it actually was, and to not remember how it always ended up. x

fini

Mia,
google AVRT or check out the numerous threads on it in the 'secular connections' forum farther down the forum list.
it's an excellent tool for dealing with those thoughts you're talking about.

Mia1972

you are very right i will switch my thoughts back to these ınstead

Anna

Congratulations on your 328 days sober and your intention to remain sober.

Mia1972

Dear Fini I googled right away. Thanks for the advice

fini

Mia,
actually i think the threads on it in the secular section here are better than the google info. best bet is to do both

it's mind-boggling how the mind can boggle itself with thoughts i can see are nonsense and yet they persist.
now when that happens i can laugh, and just shake my head, but at the beginning it was a different story.
you can do this, Mia.
and you can let the thoughts be, too. there is no requirement to act on a thought.
thoughts come and go...it's okay.

PurpleKnight

328 Days is fantastic!! Keep pushing through!!