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still sober today

Old 11-24-2014, 12:31 PM
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still sober today


I don't know about you.. but this disease wants me dead and it will settle for isolated, loaded and without hope. It's crazy that I went back to it, but it only takes a second- bam-
I had 15 months clean and things were going so well. Had a car again, income.. etc.
Maybe I just didn't think meetings were quite as important ,as I did in the beginning. Wasn't talking to my sponsor.. I was a little busy.
***This is where the road forks****
Humility has new meaning for me and as I try to find my way back to the road of happy destiny... I realize how awesome Sobreity can be.
They say you have to "get done" - this disease has literally chewed me up and spit me out and i'm trying to grip onto its tongue. (ridiculous)
People, places and things.. go to slippery places - see slippery people - do slippery things.. I have hit a new low that far precedes my previous use. All I can do now is pray... I know God is merciful and full of grace and no human means can deliver me from this torment. I ask every day for God to restore me to sanity and pray the 3rd step prayer.
faith without works is dead... so why can't i walk back into a meeting? Pride, fear, selfishness, false ego? Yep.. I look into their faces and they ache for me. I just don't want to disappoint them. So, I stay away. Driven by a thousand forms of fear!!
Its hard to be in active alcoholism/addiction when your head is full of AA...
still a work in progress
well - im open to suggestions - (sober so far today)
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Old 11-24-2014, 12:35 PM
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They will welcome you back with open arms, you know that, right? No one will be disappointed. This is your journey and no one else's. Honestly, they are all worried about their own lives. I found I am not that important.

You've asked God for help. Now believe that it has been granted.

((hugs)) - I was sober for 18 years and picked up again. Now at nine months. You can do this. Be here now.
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Old 11-24-2014, 12:44 PM
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You can do this since the beginning i kept a journal to reflect on that really helped

Well done on making it bk btw
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Old 11-24-2014, 12:54 PM
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Well done on begin sober today. Maybe go back to AA today too, huh ? x
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Old 11-24-2014, 01:10 PM
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The main thing, I think, is not disappointing yourself.

Are you willing to do this for you? I hope so.
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Old 11-24-2014, 02:13 PM
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Forget about ego and pride poetlefemme - if AA works for you, then let it work for you - go back

D
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