Thatdeliveryguy

You want me to define alcholism, how bout someone that has lost everything has very bad liver numbers, went to the hospital the other day and was diagnosed with alcohol withdrawal symtoms and left against medical advice. Had to sign a waiver and all.

Bristlecone for inpatient, and westcare for detox is what the ER said. I refused, I don't know why, maybe I don't want to quit, but I do want to quit. There is the catch, if I could explain me I would. IF I could make it all better today I would, maybe thats about instant gratification. What I seek!

Everyone is painting me as the boy that cried wolf. I get it, I ask for help but screwing myself and go on, and on and do nothing or do it half assed.

Totally get i, what can I say, I have no answer. You want me to explain how bad I got this habit, if I could pose it in terms I could explain I would. Do I lie and mislead, yes I do. I suppose you're thnking I say what people want to hear, I do that too....

But really, nobody suffers like this unless they have a deep addiction, you think i want this, I hate this, I want to be like everyone else and get on with life without substances.

I wear my heart on my shoulder, and I post lots of times for me, Jeremy. I make you all privy to my thoughts and struggles, because I know there is another Jeremy out there.

I watched a lot of you just throw up your hands today, and say things. I respect that, that is your honesty from the heart and I cannot disrespect that, but really sometimes people, like me have it bad.

I have it real bad, can't live with alcohol, can't live without it. Inpatient, outpatient, detox, all scare me.... Isn't it human to be scared, can't I be human and scared.

So with that, I understand where many of you come from, I am trying hard and keep coming up short, but please respect the fact that I care for you, I post from my heart and I know there is another Jeremy out there, who relapses often has choices but can't decide.

That is what makes me plug along and search for more answers. I don't know where my answer lies, but I will find it.... Chronic relapswer bipolar crazy out there guy, yep thats me.... but at least I am authentic and tell my truth.

Carlotta

Go to inpatient Jeremy.

Gilmer

I agree. Just up and go without thinking about it.

Wastinglife

What is it about inpatient rehab that scares you off? I spent 35 days in rehab and my life has improved remarkably since.

Hawk07

We understand addiction. We've all wrestled and gone to battle with it. Seems it has you firmly in its claws now Jeremy. You have a strong physical dependence on alcohol.. Yes, we all care and don't want to see you lose this battle. But if you're not ready to face this, there is nothing we can do to help you.
Inpatient would allow you to at least get out of the physical dependence, out of its claws so you could at least face this demon. It would also give you the tools to fight it face to face.

LexieCat

Yes, it's human to be scared, but think it through. What is the worst-case scenario if you go to in-patient? They will help you safely detox. You will be in a safe and supportive environment.

It seems to me that the worst that could happen is that you could drink again when you get out. That would not put you in a worse position than you're in right now, would it? And the rehab will work with you on a plan so that won't happen.

I dunno, seems like a no-lose proposition, to me.

Nuudawn

Go to inpatient Jeremy.

Time2Focus

I recommend inpatient rehab. I never thought I would be someone who would check into a place like that and leave my job and family behind for 6 weeks, but after so many failed attempts at getting sober on my own, I decided that I needed to get real and have a complete change in my environment and behaviors. Rehab will do this for you if you are serious and take advantage of everything they have to offer you. I'm a better person today because I made that giant leap.

I noticed you said that you felt as if people on here had "just thrown up their hands" with you - I hate that you feel that way, I really do. If I may suggest something to maybe take your mind off of that - How about throwing up your hands with this endless fight with alcohol?? Alcohol will always win, you know this. Why keep fighting a losing battle??

I wish you well and hope you take the good advice that is being offered to you on here and also see how it has helped so many people turn their lives around

Bailey3

Do inpatient Jeremy. You have nothing to lose and, your life to regain.

Ruby2

We all have it bad and you don't have a lock on misery. We all are and are not unique. Nothing sets you apart from me. I didn't want to quit. I couldn't live with or without alcohol. Everyone's has their own personal hell.

What people don't like is feeling used or taken advantage of. For caring and then feeling that their concern is thrown in their face. I'm not saying that is what is going on but in reading the tone of your post that is what you are feeling.

Why not try detox and inpatient if that is what is recommended? What is your fear? Loss of control? Surrendering? You won't know who the other Jeremy is until you give him a chance to get out of his personal prison. Why not try it? There is always that saying I hear around AA. Your misery is refundable. You can always go back to drinking if you don't like not drinking. What will you have lost? Two weeks? Three weeks or drinking?

I wish you well. You are in a rough situation.

ANewDayNYC

Theres a quote "If you keep doing what you always done, you'll always get what you've always got". People here care about you - you have the opportunity to change your path and try something new. You deserve that positive change.

FreeOwl

You're courageous enough to face the despair and misery that you know it is to continue to suffer.

So, I don't think it's fear keeping you from getting well.

Check yourself in.

HeartsAfire

You're not taking a beating. Your AV is. There is a big difference.

Soberpotamus

Go today. Nothing more to be said about it. Just go.

Carlotta

ArtFriend

Don't know if you remember a few weeks back you told me to screw off because I said something you didn't like. I was being honest, and you "beat" me down. So you don't have a corner on this.

I haven't responded to any of your postings since then. And I won't offer any more advice on inpatient/outpatient/drink/don't. You know what to do.

I will say though that I think your postings on here are being reinforced over and over in a negative way. In other words, you are getting negative attention. People try to help, you don't follow through with any suggestions, rinse repeat. Getting response to your postings is reinforcing you to keep doing it, even if you don't follow up on anything or get defensive or mad or hurt or whatever. I think it is more about posting than actually doing the work you know you should do. You can keep posting until you are blue in the face, keep getting the samo-samo, keep deflecting from the issues. You know what do do, even if you say you don't.

mavrick

Hi Jeremy. Thankyou for your honesty. I really hope you can find happiness.

RobbyRobot

Hi Jeremy. You know, being authentic in itself doesn't help without also taking progressive action, making informed choices, and committing to a sober lifestyle. You often speak about your fears with detox, treatment, and so on. Yeah, it is a scary undertaking. Seriously. And yet, being scared can't be the deal-breaker stopping you from proceeding with getting help, okay? A life lived in fear is no life at all, my friend.

Don't believe for a second you can't make the right choices, okay? Absolutely you can, even with your challenges, fears, hurts, angers, doubts, delusions, whatever's.... you CAN make realistic and helpful choices for your self TODAY. I think its also true you'll need residential rehab to help you sustain your choices, as well as medical treatment for your mental illness. All this is possible, Jeremy. You do not have to keep coming up short, okay?

jaynie04

In life we are always strengthening different muscles and some muscles atrophy.

Procrastination, capitulation, ambivalence, rumination, waxing poetic while treading water…these are all habits that we can reinforce. Every time you use those devices you are strengthening them at the expense of opposing choices.

It is darn uncomfortable to do something different. But the wringing of hands and gnashing of teeth is simply casting the illusion of motion. Are you really any place different today?

You've been standing on the edge of the pool for a long time Jeremy. Talking about how cold the water is, dipping your toe in and then engaging us all with the tension that exists between standing on the burning coping in the heat of the searing sun…. But your feet are getting burnt and the sun is only going to get hotter.

A good friend would walk by you standing there and give you a good push into the pool. I think that is what posters are doing Jeremy.

You have a sharp mind but I think it works against you sometimes. I sense that we are trying to signal to you that none of us want to be partners in strengthening the wrong muscles. I think Jennie made a good point.

I think sometimes we can become addicted to the tension that does exist when we are skating perilously close to a line. I would caution you against trying to stay in that place.

KissMyTiara

It seems you think your alcoholism is different from the rest of ours. It isn't. So many people here are recovering because they put EFFORT into it. You seriously don't seem to care enough. That's your choice.