Freshstart425

Three weeks into my relationship with my ex, he told me he's an alcoholic and that he kind of hates himself because of it. Having never even had a drink nor been around anyone who drinks excessively, I didn't know what being with him entailed. I wasn't prepared for the disease when it manifested itself. The erratic mood swings. Missing our date night because he was going to the bar for a drink that turned into 15. The constant news to take off and drink. The extremes of his emotions happened only when he drank. I was either the best person who ever lived or sonmeone he couldn't get away from fast enough. Then he'd sober up, realized what he's done, and apologize profusely.

We found out we were going to have a baby. He's 46 and has never been a dad. He told me he was overjoyed. I've never pushed him to stop drinking. Nor have I tried to fix him. He decided the alcohol was taking a toll on our relationship and he didn't like the way he treated me when he drinks. He was sober for one week. I have a feeling it was the first time in a very long time. During that week we met for dinner and he told me that when he's thinking clearly he knows our relationship is what he wants. But when he drinks he gets confused.
The next night he drank again. And after promising me every day whilst sober that he was never going to put me through this again, he broke up with me.
Just one night after is deciding to buy a house and raise our baby together.

As the result of a complication, we had to terminate our pregnancy. Worst day of my life. Ever. He's been by my side throughout the pregnancy. At every appt. Even after our break up. Since losing our baby, he seems depressed. Understandably. He told me it was one of the most emotional times he's had. I was very sick and he was extremely concerned. Now that I'm starting to heal physically, he's drinking more. And back to the I love you one day....we're not going to work out the next thing.

It's just been a week since we had to let out baby go. I have these waves of sadness. I know time heals. But I feel like as time goes on, I'm going to become even more aware that this little person isn't here. And my grief is tied to him. I can't think about our baby without thinking about him.
Or even understand what I'm feeling? Do I miss him? Is it hormonal?

ScottFromWI

Welcome fresh start, sorry to hear about your troubles. Kudos for coming here to seek help. Unfortunatley there is nothing you can do about your ex and his drinking, but you can seek help for yourself. We have a friends and family forum here on the main page you may want to check out. Consider local support like al-anon too. You don't need to be alone on this.

Soberwolf

Sorry to you both for the loss heres a link to the friends & family youl find support both here & there

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

we also have a grief & loss section that might help also Grief and Loss - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Welcome to the site freshstart i hope this helps

Inchworm

Oh, I am so sorry for your heartbreaking loss, freshstart. Please do what ever you have to do to take care of yourself. You cannot control how your ex handles his own loss.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!!

LexieCat

I'm so sorry for your loss. You will be grieving that for some time, I expect. I'm sorry your partner isn't able to provide the kind of support that you need. He's grieving, too, but unfortunately the drinking messes with his ability to do that.

I hope you will come over and post on our Friends and Family of Alcoholics forum. We all understand what it's like to have to cope with alcoholism in a partner or loved one. I'd also suggest that you find a support group for grief (the hospital may be able to point you to one), and also consider finding an Al-Anon group for in-person support in coping with your partner's drinking. They won't tell you how to get him sober (you already seem to sense that that won't work), but they can help you get yourself together so you can make good choices about what is best for YOU.

Hugs,

Anna

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your baby. I am sure it will take you some time and some work to deal with the grief. And, yes, you must be feeling a swing of hormones which will probably make things more emotional.