Soberintexas007

Oh my gosh, I am feeling so many feelings right now - sadness, grief, relief, uncertainty.

To make a long story short, my husband got verbally belligerent in the car today and threatened to snap my neck. I pulled over, he got out, and I left him there 25 miles away from our apartment. He left his phone in my car, so he could not call me at that time (I left his phone back in the apartment)

My parents quickly came over and helped me get my valuables at the apartment, and I am at my parent's home. He texted me angry that I left him there and asked if I wanted to leave him. I told him that he has two problems - drinking and anger, and that he is an active alcoholic. He asked if he can have all of his money, and I told him that we would eventually split all of it in our account.

He then sent me another text saying that he is not sure if he is sorry, and that he is going to an AA meeting, and an "I love you." I responded back "Ok."

So here I am. I just don't know what to feel anymore.

Mags1

Justbreathe, you did the right thing to get yourself out of immediate danger.

Let your husband sort his self out, you look after you for now. X

ubntubnt

If you can you need to try to calm down and be rational which it sounds like you are. Sit down with your parents, take a pen and piece of paper, write down all the things that you may want to do IF you decide to separate. The three of you think out loud, write them all down. Then order the list and prioritise. The very act of doing this will help ease the anxiety and make you feel that you can do this.

Then, once you have the list and you feel like you are back in control go for a long walk, try to clear the head, see how you feel about it all. Probably makes sense to stay with your parents of you can for a few days while the dust settles. Either way be in control and rational.

Lets him be alcoholic, emotional and irrational. Good luck with whatever you decide. Sounds like you certainly did the right thing.

Fandy

I'm very sorry you went through this again. He is escalating to threatening physical violence. I responded to your previous thread.
Thankful that your parents are there to protect you and offer a safe place for you to stay.
Do not go back there until he has significant sober time. The problem isn't you or your parents, it is him.

KKE

I always find it interesting when A's go from being abusive and threatening to "I love you" in a matter of a few hours. Should show you where his head is at. Sounds like you've put a boundary in place. My perception of you driving off and leaving is you saying "You will not threaten me or abuse me". That's powerful stuff and shows you're star to care for yourself.

You don't need to make a huge life decision right now at this moment. Give yourself a bit of time and try not to be reactionary because he will now probably try and provoke a reaction from you in lots of ways. Take your time. He can wait. If you don't know how to feel or what to say, say nothing. Silence can be the loudest and clearest answer.

suki44883

If you have a joint bank account, draw out as much money as you can so that he cannot take it all and leave you with nothing. Open an account in your name only at a different bank.

TonightTonight

Justbreathe, my humble advice is to take suggestion from your moniker - in, out, in, out. Violent situations (especially in a moving vehicle!) can be so soul-shaking/frightening/shocking/numbing at the same time. I have been there and wish I'd had the sense to get out of the car (he always drives)! So glad to hear you are safe at your parents and that you have their support. Though I'm so sorry you've had to be put through this tonight, my heart is jumping up and down for you that you stood up for yourself and protected yourself. GOOD FOR YOU! Actions speak louder than words. Take care of yourself...

53500

justbreathe, so sorry it came to that. Thank God you were able to get away from him when he threatened to snap your neck!! And that your parents are there for you. Take care of yourself and stay safe. I'd suggest not being alone with him. I know that may sound extreme but so was his threat.

Katchie

BRAVO that you thought quickly and removed yourself from any danger.
I'm so happy for you that you have support from your folks. I'll be praying for you to continue having strength and to remain safe. You did good!

SoaringSpirits

Kudos to you for getting yourself out of danger.
Now stay there!
He's an alcoholic, and I can tell you from personal experience it only gets worse.
Hugs, you are not alone.

Soberintexas007

All of the money is in my name. We both knew he could not be trusted with money.

Soberintexas007

Thank you all for your supportive posts. I just went out with a friend for coffee to talk. I really don't know what to say right now, so I am going to be silent. I just want to go to bed. See you all tomorrow.

LexieCat

Glad to hear you are safe. Please consider getting a protective order to prevent him from contacting you. Call your local women's shelter (or the police--threatening you is a criminal offense) and they can help you obtain one.

Hugs--I know this is hard but every person has a right to be safe and you simply aren't safe with him

Christopher1

He has crossed a line:only you can decide if going back could mean this treatment of you has the potential to escalate.
I don't believe that alcoholism per se is the reason but that it can lower inhibitions to unleash traits that may be there already-I don't know your husband so only you have the answer to this.
His behaviour towards you was appalling ,so this is about what YOU need(to feel safe?) not what he wants.
-Is this how you want to live?

NWGRITS

Ooooh that's a bit of awesome strength coming Christopher. Yes, this is about you figuring out what you need to be your best self (and maintain your sobriety too, correct? I may have you confused with someone else.). Breathe and focus on the next right thing. We'll be here for you.

Soberintexas007

I think you are right Christopher. I think my husband has underlying anger traits that the alcohol brings out. He already has an anger problem, and the alcohol makes it that much worse.

CodeJob

Today Justbreathe, I pray you keep your peace of mind. I pray you remember you can say, I need to think about it. You don't have to have your final answer about anything today. Please keep yourself safe.

If you haven't read much of EmmyG, her story here might resonate with you.

LexieCat

CodeJob, did you mean to post a link there?