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Does Sobriety Mean Less Excitement?

Old 11-22-2014, 08:43 AM
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Does Sobriety Mean Less Excitement?

Ever since I stopped drinking some 15 months ago, there has been a bit of a void in my life. I guess it’s the excitement or the anticipation of a nice weekend or upcoming event that I miss. Now that I don’t drink, I really don’t feel that same excitement that I once did, and it just seems as if I’m missing out that whole ‘looking forward to something’ feeling. There’s just not that ‘pop’ in my life right now, as my alcohol related social event are no more. Hence, nothing to really look forward to, so it seems.

I am in no way second guessing my decision to become and remain sober, as my life as a whole is much better. But, perhaps I’m sort of waiting for things to get back to the way that they were, just without the booze. I am also fully aware that this may never happen, and if that’s the case, then so be it. I do still have many things in which I enjoy, but just not so many that I get too excited about- at least not at the moment. Hopefully as I continue to reinvent myself, this will improve.

I just wanted to post this to see if anybody else can relate to this as well?


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Old 11-22-2014, 08:50 AM
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I have heard many others express the same feelings. You're not alone of course. I lack that feeling. It's not that I do or don't do exciting things in sobriety, it's just that that the yearning for exciting times has dissapeared. There were too many when I was out there. I also believe it has something to do with age. Don't know how old you are. I think what your feeling is normal. I enjoyed reading your sober thoughts on it. Thanks!
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Old 11-22-2014, 08:56 AM
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For me, I would say that the question whether sobriety brings less or more excitement is not the relevant one. I cannot compare it that way, in terms of quantity, because even after ~10 months my lifestyle, my perceptions, my judgment are very very different. Especially recently... It's much more a quality issue. Yeah of course there was a certain kind of excitement in drinking life, I would say even in the craziest phases. Excitement of insanity

I personally much prefer the type of excitement my sober life has yielded so far and have absolutely zero longing for any part of the past now. You mentioned social life: I actually have a lot more social life now than last year or the year before, prior to getting sober. No need for alcohol in it at all.
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Old 11-22-2014, 08:58 AM
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No. It means more excitement. And less illusion of excitement.
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Old 11-22-2014, 09:03 AM
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You have a lot more sober time than me so feel free to ignore this, but what to you do at the weekends now? Do you actively plan events or activities that *would* give you something to look forward to? Have you replaced alcohol with something positive, or have you just stopped alcohol?

I feel that I look forward to things more now that I'm sober - I will plan to climb a new mountain at the weekend, or attend a fayre at a local castle, or buy a tree for the garden, or just some small thing like 'tonight I'm going to start that book / watch that film I've wanted to read / watch for years', or 'omg I'm going to get a kitten in a few months and I'm totally buying its first collar today!' or 'let's see what happens if I put twice as much cayenne pepper in these tacos!'

When you're sober you don't have to worry about whether you'll feel up to things, so you're free to plan *anything*, and the excitement I feel when I do so is innocent and genuine. Granted, it's totally different from the wired sort of sharp excitement I'd feel at the prospect of getting drunk. But that kind of feeling is not one I want back, because I prefer this other kind.
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Old 11-22-2014, 09:03 AM
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Take up hang gliding if you need excitement.
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Old 11-22-2014, 09:08 AM
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Hey Lusher

I get this. I feel that way too. I am only 35 days sober so am hoping this void will be filled with time and my action to find it.

I am trying to venture things I already know I love and new things as well. Some things I realize I like others, not so much lol. It is just a lot of trial and error.

You're doing the best thing for you by choosing a life of sobriety. That in itself is a victory. Congrats on 15 months!!!
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Old 11-22-2014, 09:10 AM
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Well, booze makes life "exciting" but in a bad way Like an "oh #$%!" I'm going to die kind of excitement.

It probably does come down to age. I've changed my lifestyle and I don't miss parties and as many social events. I'm old(er) though.

My weekends are way better being sober and not half out of it.
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Old 11-22-2014, 09:10 AM
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Lusher I mean this from a place of support and sincerity so I hope I do not offend you here,

You say;

"I am in no way second guessing my decision to become and remain sober"

Unfortunatly I think you might be without realising it.

You say you can no longer look forward to a 'nice' weekend? Well I imagine there wasn't anything nice about them when you were drinking. Remember the worst hangover you've ever had, the withdrawals, the shame and guilt. Who would look forward to that?

What do you do for fun now you're sober? If there isn't anything that you do for fun sober then the answer is to find something you enjoy.
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Old 11-22-2014, 09:12 AM
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I know what you mean. When I first attempted sobriety and had a good stint under my belt I found I was really bored a lot of the time because alcohol had crowded out so much of my life. It took time and effort to rediscover my hobbies and to fill my life with other passions. I did relapse but was able to go back to sobriety before I went too far down that road, so this time around I'm not dealing with the issue of boredom.
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Old 11-22-2014, 09:18 AM
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Originally Posted by snowbunting View Post

When you're sober you don't have to worry about whether you'll feel up to things, so you're free to plan *anything*, and the excitement I feel when I do so is innocent and genuine.
Thanks for that Snowbunting - that's so true
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Old 11-22-2014, 09:47 AM
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Originally Posted by Lusher View Post
Ever since I stopped drinking some 15 months ago, there has been a bit of a void in my life. I guess it’s the excitement or the anticipation of a nice weekend or upcoming event that I miss.
This is an uber concerning post to me Lusher...but a really important one. I think many of us drink...or drug...or overeat... to fill a void, which many folks believe it is a spiritual one. I have even heard it referred to as a "God hole" in Christian writings.

The good news is...you have identified the void. Now...I don't think you have had it the entire 15 months you've been sober. It you have...wow...hats off..that's a long freaking white knuckle.

When I quit drinking I realized I had a pretty underdeveloped freaking life. I had no real hobbies and really had no idea what I liked to do or how to spend my time.

Have you built a life yet Lusher? What have you been doing for 15 months. How have you been staying sober? Do you have any sober community? What do you do on weekends? Do you have any hobbies? Do you like to garden or get with nature? Do you enjoy reading books or working with your hands? Do you enjoy conversation over a good meal? Do you like movies or live theatre? Do you like looking at the stars?

What do you like to do? What makes you happy?
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Old 11-22-2014, 09:52 AM
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I have better weekends sober its what you plan for your weekend that will solve this 'Void'

try this see if it helps http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ething-do.html

if you wanna chat send me a pm

Good luck
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Old 11-22-2014, 09:58 AM
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Lusher, this is an old thread and one of my favorites on SR. Quite relevant to your topic and there are many sides to the discussion, many different points of view in-depth. Kinda long but I really recommend reading all of it.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cynicism.html
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Old 11-22-2014, 10:10 AM
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Since getting sober the things that are exciting for me have changed. When I was smoking and drinking, getting stoned and drunk was exciting. Now that I'm sober, going to school, playing basketball, cutting firewood, eating good food, going to a get-together at a friends are exciting. Boring, I know, heck, even going to bed early is exciting! I can admit it:-) At 15 months I was in the dumps. Nothing was fun at that point, keep going, try some new things and some old things you haven't done lately and you'll get you spark back.
-Ted
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Old 11-22-2014, 10:18 AM
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Originally Posted by Lusher View Post
But, perhaps I’m sort of waiting for things to get back to the way that they were, just without the booze.

Lusher
I don't know about you... but I would really HATE my life to be 'back to the way it was just without the booze'.

Stopping the booze was just the pivotal part of ever-deepening improvements to my life.

By working the steps, looking within, going to counseling, embracing new and sincere interests, shifting my focus on what my life is really about.....

I have been on a path of a richer, more joyful life.

My old life 'just without the booze' would have meant to carry on with superficial pursuits. To carry on masking the pain and the personal shortcomings and the ways in which I was not living a handcrafted, sincere, authentic and deep life.

Your post leads me to wonder a bit about what you're doing besides simply living "without the booze".
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Old 11-22-2014, 10:24 AM
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I hope you don't mind me weighing in here since I am brand new to this.

But a few weeks ago I was teaching a new fitness class (all seniors) and from out of the blue one of them asked me, "what makes you, you??". I gave her a quizzical stare and said, "sorry", and shook my head like I didn't know what she meant. Then she replied, "Well, what is your passion...what makes you?" I'm sure my face dropped because the first thing that popped into my head was *alcohol* makes me. The thought was so depressing and pathetic I nearly broke down but I still managed to teach the class with a semi-smile on my face while feeling horribly hungover.

So Lusher when you say what do I have to look forward to I have to go back to my previous non drinking life and think of what I looked forward to back then. Seems so long ago "sigh".

Traveling for one, be it close or far. I loved that, but when I was always hungover leaving my house was hardly an option. I also loved going to restaurants with friends and cooking. But the nausea I felt every day took those things away too.

I am sorry this is so long but I'm already starting to look back at what made me happy. Believe me, the only thing I looked forward to for these past 3 years was drinking. That's not living. And my challenge will be how to bring back my passions without the alcohol.

I hope you find your passions again Lusher.

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Old 11-22-2014, 10:27 AM
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You can have as much excitement as you want in sobriety. I know a LOT of bikers (motorcyclists) in AA and they plan trips and adventures all the time. I, personally, enjoy taking jaunts up to NYC to see a Broadway show or going to a great concert (lol, some of the bands that I saw in my drinking days I don't remember seeing at all). I took a motorcycle class earlier this year--that was less than a resounding success, but it was fun and something I always wanted to do. I've taken some great vacations, have a job now that lets me travel all over the country.

I also enjoy vegging out with a good movie and snuggling into bed early with a good book.

You may come to find different THINGS exciting in sobriety--which can be exciting in itself. I think where a lot of people get hung up is with expecting to enjoy the exact same things in the exact same way. And, TBH, I found NOTHING more boring than slogging through each day as a drunk, regardless of the occasional bouts of excitement (some of which could have cost me my life, career, or reputation).
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Old 11-22-2014, 10:36 AM
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Lusher I have had the same feelings as you regarding "excitement" while remaining sober. I started googling how I was feeling and came across this article on romancing the past. When I was drinking I would get excited over placing my cases of beer perfectly in a cooler in the morning, knowing at noon my beer would be nice and cold and ready to drink until I passed out. Every thought revolving around drinking that day would excite me and would give me an adrenaline rush.

Alcohol was such a huge part of my life, physically and mentally, that I had to find other things to gain excitement. Just know your not alone in your feelings. Here is the article for you to read regarding romancing the past Good luck Lusher!!
Romancing the Past: A Dangerous Practice in Recovery - Addiction Treatment Magazine
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Old 11-22-2014, 12:21 PM
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First, I wanted to say thanks for all of the replies, as well as the informative links. Some of the replies caused me to re-think about how I’m really feeling, and why.

I wanted to re-post just to address some of what I've read, as well as to perhaps clarify a couple of things.

I did not mean to indicate that I was bored, per se. I just don’t have the excitement for the upcoming weekends or nights out that I once did.

Since I stopped drinking, I have taken up a very active lifestyle, which includes a lot of cardio activity most days of the week. I was actually very active even beforehand, but more so now that my body is no longer being beat up due to booze. I also have other interests as well, so I'm not really just sitting around wanting to drink, nor am I at home, always thinking about drinking.

I suppose what I am missing is more of the 'reward' or excitement of a night out at the end of the day, or at the end of the week. Up until 15 months ago, that meant a night out with drinks- be it at dinner or at my local haunt. Something I use to really look forward to.

I had my local pub, where there was always 'the gang' to share the day's events with. I had my local Mexican joint, where my girl and I would enjoy the margs on the outside patio a couple of times a week. Things of that nature.

Now that I’ve stopped, those nights out just don't seem too exciting anymore. I know I can still do them, minus the booze, but it’s just not the same. Also, when I used the term "excitement," I guess I meant exciting for me, which is not all that exciting really.

Maybe it is my age as well, as I read. I am 51, so I can appreciate that I may have outgrown some of it as well.

I am still growing though. I mentioned a while back in post how I now 'treat' myself to a smoothie at a nice eatery where I live a couple of times a week, which is something I would have laughed at not too long ago. I have also began studying nutrition more, as well has teaching myself various cooking methods. This seems to help fill the void of when I use to drink.

All in all, I’m actually pretty happy and fairly fulfilled for the most part. I’m just missing a big part of my former social life, which I hope will change as I continue to evolve.

Anyhow, thanks for allowing to whine a bit, and thanks again for the responses. I also wanted to wish everybody a great <sober> weekend.


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