Need an advice please.
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Join Date: Nov 2014
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Need an advice please.
Hello everybody. I'd like some advice on the current situation I'm in. I've been dating a guy for 3 years, and in the beginning of this year(so practically after 2,5 years of our relationship), I found out that he is a recovering drug addict. His mother told my mother about it assuming she knew, and since I live in a different country, far away from him and my family, one day I just received a phone call from my mother telling me "Did you know that...". It's been a devastating revelation and I was utterly disgusted he's been hiding it from me for 2,5 years of our relationship. Not just hiding, but lying, pointing out multiple times that he never ever in his life touched drugs and doesn't understand why people need them. I called him, we had a brief conversation about it, and he said it's true, but he's been clean for 4 years. Then, when I returned to my hometown and we properly talked things through, it turned out that he relapsed two times during those 4 years and it happened when we were together, though I had no idea. His drugs of choice were oxycodone and methadone, but he said he relapsed on something different. He got into a car crash and was on painkillers for a couple of months which triggered his first relapse. He said it didn't last for long and he was able to get back on track in no time. Later that year he was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease and it lead to another relapse, but he managed to get clean quickly again. I remember not understanding his weird behavior back when he supposedly relapsed and it caused some issues in our relationship, hence why I wasn't around for the most part.
I asked why the first thing he told me after being caught lying was another lies, why he never mentioned those relapses? He said he freaked out. He said he wasn't prepared and thought I would break up with him over the phone and he would never see me again. Okay I said. Don't even get me started on why you lied to me for 2,5 freaking years! He apologized, he said it's just an addict thing, that's how they survive, that's how he was living his life for many years, but he is trying very hard to kick this vicious habit of his, it's just oftentimes he slips back into it, especially when he feels threatened, but he is working on it. He is very serious about his recovery process, he's attending the meetings, and I went to a few as well, his buddies were telling nothing but good about him, and it was so soothing to hear. He works on his 12 steps program, and he doesn't want to go back to his old life anymore, especially now, he has to care about his health, since according to him Parkinson's and drugs are absolutely incompatible and taking drugs after being diagnosed made him very sick. He also said he was hesitant to tell me because the year I met him was the same year I lost my best friend to drugs. He said that I entered this relationship believing that there is no such thing as an ex addict and he was scared of my reaction because my friend's death hit me very hard, and I would've probably run away as fast as I could had he told me he's an addict too.
He sounded very genuine and we both cried, it broke my heart in half, and I had to rebuild my whole image of him, I had to go through a lot of pain and despair, because I was scared and paranoid to leave my hometown and go on with this long distance relationship, I wanted to know what he was doing, where he was going...I kept having those vivid memories of my heroin addict friend and the hell he put all of us through, I thought I cant, I can't, can't do this again. But over time I slowly recovered and I'm at the point of my life where I'm starting to regain my trust in him again. This year and the past year have been amazing for our relationship, he is amazing, he treats me like a princess, which makes me think he really is clean now, and those relapses weren't serious at all. The thing is, before I can fully trust him again, I want to make sure that I...actually can do this. And that I should do this. And that there is a real chance he's getting better and not lying again. Because he is planning to move here to live with me, and I don't really want to be put in a situation where I'm left alone to deal with a drug addict in an foreign country with zero support system outside of our relationship. I told him that if he starts using again, I'm out, because I know how it ends. But if he really is in recovery, then I don't want to doubt him anymore. I've heard and read some amazing recovery stories and I want him to be one of those people. But what if he isn't? I tried to figure it out on my own, but I can't seem to move on and make peace completely, so I would like an advice from people that might be familiar with what I'm going through right now.
I asked why the first thing he told me after being caught lying was another lies, why he never mentioned those relapses? He said he freaked out. He said he wasn't prepared and thought I would break up with him over the phone and he would never see me again. Okay I said. Don't even get me started on why you lied to me for 2,5 freaking years! He apologized, he said it's just an addict thing, that's how they survive, that's how he was living his life for many years, but he is trying very hard to kick this vicious habit of his, it's just oftentimes he slips back into it, especially when he feels threatened, but he is working on it. He is very serious about his recovery process, he's attending the meetings, and I went to a few as well, his buddies were telling nothing but good about him, and it was so soothing to hear. He works on his 12 steps program, and he doesn't want to go back to his old life anymore, especially now, he has to care about his health, since according to him Parkinson's and drugs are absolutely incompatible and taking drugs after being diagnosed made him very sick. He also said he was hesitant to tell me because the year I met him was the same year I lost my best friend to drugs. He said that I entered this relationship believing that there is no such thing as an ex addict and he was scared of my reaction because my friend's death hit me very hard, and I would've probably run away as fast as I could had he told me he's an addict too.
He sounded very genuine and we both cried, it broke my heart in half, and I had to rebuild my whole image of him, I had to go through a lot of pain and despair, because I was scared and paranoid to leave my hometown and go on with this long distance relationship, I wanted to know what he was doing, where he was going...I kept having those vivid memories of my heroin addict friend and the hell he put all of us through, I thought I cant, I can't, can't do this again. But over time I slowly recovered and I'm at the point of my life where I'm starting to regain my trust in him again. This year and the past year have been amazing for our relationship, he is amazing, he treats me like a princess, which makes me think he really is clean now, and those relapses weren't serious at all. The thing is, before I can fully trust him again, I want to make sure that I...actually can do this. And that I should do this. And that there is a real chance he's getting better and not lying again. Because he is planning to move here to live with me, and I don't really want to be put in a situation where I'm left alone to deal with a drug addict in an foreign country with zero support system outside of our relationship. I told him that if he starts using again, I'm out, because I know how it ends. But if he really is in recovery, then I don't want to doubt him anymore. I've heard and read some amazing recovery stories and I want him to be one of those people. But what if he isn't? I tried to figure it out on my own, but I can't seem to move on and make peace completely, so I would like an advice from people that might be familiar with what I'm going through right now.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
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Welcome to the forums.
No way to know which way it will go. None of us has a crystal ball when it comes to the future.
Why do you have to live with him? Can he just move close to you and you can spend the next year or so observing? I wouldn't be willing to live with someone who has lied in such a huge way.
No way to know which way it will go. None of us has a crystal ball when it comes to the future.
Why do you have to live with him? Can he just move close to you and you can spend the next year or so observing? I wouldn't be willing to live with someone who has lied in such a huge way.
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Join Date: Nov 2014
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Thanks for the reply biminiblue.
I wasn't asking for any future predictions. My gut feeling tells me those lies might be an indicator that he's still using or that he is not as serious about it as he claims to be. But he didn't show any signs of relapsing, at least not any signs that are known to me. Maybe people with more experience would be able to recognize them...That's all I wanted to know. It is very confusing to me.
I want to live with him because we're in a serious relationship, I love him, and we lived together before, when I was still in my hometown, but now we are in a long distance relationship and it's difficult to be so far away from each other.But sure thing it would me a much bigger step for us than just moving in with each other. It's not possible for him to move here until 2016, so basically I have two more years to see where it would go.
I wasn't asking for any future predictions. My gut feeling tells me those lies might be an indicator that he's still using or that he is not as serious about it as he claims to be. But he didn't show any signs of relapsing, at least not any signs that are known to me. Maybe people with more experience would be able to recognize them...That's all I wanted to know. It is very confusing to me.
I want to live with him because we're in a serious relationship, I love him, and we lived together before, when I was still in my hometown, but now we are in a long distance relationship and it's difficult to be so far away from each other.But sure thing it would me a much bigger step for us than just moving in with each other. It's not possible for him to move here until 2016, so basically I have two more years to see where it would go.
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Well, it's almost 2015 now, so it's really more like a year and change. If I had the choice to make again I would not have moved away from my hometown and support system to live with my alcoholic ex. There were red flags which I chose to ignore, hoping things would work out once we were living together because I loved him. Boy was I wrong. Time is your friend here.
Remember you've already caught him in a huge lie, and he has admitted to others. My guess is that what he's admitting to only scratches the surface.
What do you have to lose by waiting?
Remember you've already caught him in a huge lie, and he has admitted to others. My guess is that what he's admitting to only scratches the surface.
What do you have to lose by waiting?
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Originally Posted by ladyscribbler 
Well, it's almost 2015 now, so it's really more like a year and change. If I had the choice to make again I would not have moved away from my hometown and support system to live with my alcoholic ex. There were red flags which I chose to ignore, hoping things would work out once we were living together because I loved him. Boy was I wrong. Time is your friend here.
Remember you've already caught him in a huge lie, and he has admitted to others. My guess is that what he's admitting to only scratches the surface.
What do you have to lose by waiting?
Remember you've already caught him in a huge lie, and he has admitted to others. My guess is that what he's admitting to only scratches the surface.
What do you have to lose by waiting?
Sometimes I get anxious and think that I'm overlooking those red flags as well just because I love him very much. And I also feel like there is much more to the story, but other times...I don't know, maybe the past should be left in the past, I mean for now he doesn't give me any reason to think he relapsed again.
Nothing really. It just the more time you spent apart, the more you want to be together. And then he comes to visit me here, and you know how it is.
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Join Date: Oct 2014
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Hi DD. You sound like an intelligent lady so I would say go with your gut on this one. I dated an addict too and whenever I felt like something wasn't right, it wasn't. I also suggest going through this forum and reading some other people's stories about dating an addict. While no two people or relationships are the same, I think you will find some similarities in everyone's stories.
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Originally Posted by Hope7726
Hi DD. You sound like an intelligent lady so I would say go with your gut on this one. I dated an addict too and whenever I felt like something wasn't right, it wasn't. I also suggest going through this forum and reading some other people's stories about dating an addict. While no two people or relationships are the same, I think you will find some similarities in everyone's stories.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
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His alcoholism wasn't as obvious a few years ago as it is now. He was still able to go to school and function pretty well. Addiction and alcoholism are progressive, so that functionality deteriorates as time passes as the person continues to use.
Is there any proof that he's not using, other than his word, which has already proven to be untrustworthy.
Is there any proof that he's not using, other than his word, which has already proven to be untrustworthy.
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: California
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Try not to be too shocked that he lied to you. I know it's very hard! We alcoholics and addicts are all liars. That's the one truth we have in common. I doubt you will ever completely trust him no matter what he does. A relationship that begins on lies is built on a terrible foundation. You sound like a nice person, take this time to grow and blossom yourself......you deserve it! =)
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I'm not going to support his lying but most likely he lied simply because he is ashamed and embarrassed by his past. Addicts are not beyond doing just about any irrational thing to feed that addiction so he's probably done some things that now he is more than well aware could be a permanent stain on him in the eyes of other people. So his tendency to stick with attempting to hide his addiction in both active addiction and recovery makes sense to me personally. They know eventually they'll be outed but they tend to stick with what they know in some respects. That's the part I think that causes us to continue to have anxieties and doubts about them.
And that's why I'm going to divorce my AH. I already know that even if he checks himself in tomorrow and if fully dedicated to his recovery, I personally will never be able to trust him again. However, that is coming from someone who went through the consequences of his addiction and saw it firsthand.
I would say at this point, if your even questioning this at this time, you haven't fully processed what you've found out yet and therefore, you should probably wait to make a decision. If this relationship is truly dedicated, it will endure giving it more time before proceeding. There is no rush here to decide today. Give yourself whatever necessary time you need to work this all out.
And that's why I'm going to divorce my AH. I already know that even if he checks himself in tomorrow and if fully dedicated to his recovery, I personally will never be able to trust him again. However, that is coming from someone who went through the consequences of his addiction and saw it firsthand.
I would say at this point, if your even questioning this at this time, you haven't fully processed what you've found out yet and therefore, you should probably wait to make a decision. If this relationship is truly dedicated, it will endure giving it more time before proceeding. There is no rush here to decide today. Give yourself whatever necessary time you need to work this all out.
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ladyscribbler, sorry to hear it didn't end well for you.
Well he attends NA meetings and he is much more reliable, caring and emotionally available than he used to be before. In the begining of our relationship he had a nasty habit of disappearing on me for no reason. Suddenly he would just stop calling me or answering my calls. I thought he just wasn't interested in the relationship, but then he showed up again like nothing happened. There were a few incidents of him reacting indaquetely and having weird breakdowns out of nowhere, for example once he disappeared again, and his friend told me he lost his job, when I came to his house and tried to find out what happened, instead of an explanation he just lashed it out on me that I only here to find out if he disappeared because he's cheating on me or not, and that everybody is always angry with him and blame him for every single thing, etc... he apologized afterwards and said the news about his Parkinson's were stressing him out enormously. This was the last time something like that happened, even though Parkinson kept stressing him out. I believe it was when he actually relapsed and tried to get clean again after the Parkinson's news. We moved in 5 months later and it has been great ever since. No breakdowns and obviously no disappering. He wanted to spend as much time with me as possible. speaking of Parkinson's, his doctors said if he ever goes back to drugs, it will have a very negative impact on his health and make the disease progress faster than usual. So far nothing unsual in terms of his disease...and for what it's worth, Parkinson's medication is not cheap, neither is visiting me here as often as he does, he also buys me and himself expensive things, I guess he would've had to cut his budget if he also bought drugs.
newlifecy, yeah, sadly I know that, my friend was an impeccable liar, but I thought it was a treat of active addicts and if they continue lying it means something is wrong! I might not trust him 100%, but I guess you guys are right, only time will tell.
And thank you! This is what I'm trying to accomplish abroad, and I'm happy that I didnt give up my dreams just to let my life revolve solely around him, his problems and his disease.
waitingforhope, Those thoughts did cross my mind. He is very reluctant when it comes to giving away any information about his past and he used to make comments that I wouldn't have liked him back in the day when I said on different occasions that I wished we met each other earlier.
I understand that. But at least he could not say he never tried drugs in his life having a 7 year old history with opiates, you know? There are things that I just prefer not to tell others, but I don't say the complete opposite of what actually happened, I just avoid the topic.
I also agree with your last paragraph. It's definitely not over for me. I need more time to fully come to terms with this unlikable truth about him. I'm willing to forgive him this time and I'm not considering break up unless I catch him red handed on lying again or using. I absolutely not making any life changing decisions at this point, but I've been keeping this all inside of me for almost 9 months, with an exception of a few conversations with my friends and I just needed to let it out and vent and read what people that have been through similar experience would advice me.
Well he attends NA meetings and he is much more reliable, caring and emotionally available than he used to be before. In the begining of our relationship he had a nasty habit of disappearing on me for no reason. Suddenly he would just stop calling me or answering my calls. I thought he just wasn't interested in the relationship, but then he showed up again like nothing happened. There were a few incidents of him reacting indaquetely and having weird breakdowns out of nowhere, for example once he disappeared again, and his friend told me he lost his job, when I came to his house and tried to find out what happened, instead of an explanation he just lashed it out on me that I only here to find out if he disappeared because he's cheating on me or not, and that everybody is always angry with him and blame him for every single thing, etc... he apologized afterwards and said the news about his Parkinson's were stressing him out enormously. This was the last time something like that happened, even though Parkinson kept stressing him out. I believe it was when he actually relapsed and tried to get clean again after the Parkinson's news. We moved in 5 months later and it has been great ever since. No breakdowns and obviously no disappering. He wanted to spend as much time with me as possible. speaking of Parkinson's, his doctors said if he ever goes back to drugs, it will have a very negative impact on his health and make the disease progress faster than usual. So far nothing unsual in terms of his disease...and for what it's worth, Parkinson's medication is not cheap, neither is visiting me here as often as he does, he also buys me and himself expensive things, I guess he would've had to cut his budget if he also bought drugs.
newlifecy, yeah, sadly I know that, my friend was an impeccable liar, but I thought it was a treat of active addicts and if they continue lying it means something is wrong! I might not trust him 100%, but I guess you guys are right, only time will tell.
And thank you! This is what I'm trying to accomplish abroad, and I'm happy that I didnt give up my dreams just to let my life revolve solely around him, his problems and his disease.
waitingforhope, Those thoughts did cross my mind. He is very reluctant when it comes to giving away any information about his past and he used to make comments that I wouldn't have liked him back in the day when I said on different occasions that I wished we met each other earlier.
I understand that. But at least he could not say he never tried drugs in his life having a 7 year old history with opiates, you know? There are things that I just prefer not to tell others, but I don't say the complete opposite of what actually happened, I just avoid the topic.
I also agree with your last paragraph. It's definitely not over for me. I need more time to fully come to terms with this unlikable truth about him. I'm willing to forgive him this time and I'm not considering break up unless I catch him red handed on lying again or using. I absolutely not making any life changing decisions at this point, but I've been keeping this all inside of me for almost 9 months, with an exception of a few conversations with my friends and I just needed to let it out and vent and read what people that have been through similar experience would advice me.
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Like what was previously said, we never know who will make it in recovery and who will not, and I hope he is on a good path today. If he tries to justify his relapse(s), I would see that as a huge red flag. Anyone serious about their recovery doesn't make excuses or blame anyone but themselves.
When you return to your home town, can you live apart while dating him to give yourself time to see if his actions back up his words? Believe me, if he is using it won't take you long to figure it out. It would be a very wise thing to do to have space to observe and if your love is meant to be, it will be even without living with him for now.
Whatever you decide, good luck.
Hugs
When you return to your home town, can you live apart while dating him to give yourself time to see if his actions back up his words? Believe me, if he is using it won't take you long to figure it out. It would be a very wise thing to do to have space to observe and if your love is meant to be, it will be even without living with him for now.
Whatever you decide, good luck.
Hugs
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My relationship with my AXBF was long distance for part of the relationship, and it created some real problems. It was very easy for him to lie to me about how he was doing, and it was very easy for me to live in a fantasy world, dreaming about how great things would be if only we could be together. Unfortunately, when we did have a couple extended visits, I quickly realized that he was still using and in a very bad place. Looking back, I can see that a long distance relationship is hard enough without throwing addiction into the mix. I don't know if I could ever really trust someone from a distance again, especially someone who had already proved himself untrustworthy.
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Ann, thank you for the kind words, that's all I wish for him.
I would only fly back home on short trips to see my family/friends and him. I don't have much money to travel today, so it's mostly him who visits me here and he usually stays for a couple of weeks at my place. He will be moving here permanently in 2016, so until then I have some time to watch and see where it goes.
jjj111, I agree with you, long distance relationship is hard on its own, this is why I get nervous sometimes about his well being and drown myself in those anxious thoughts that something bad is happening. suspense is what scares us the most isn't it. But then we meet and it looks like devil is not so bad as it is painted lol. He seems ok so far. I don't know if it last, but I hope it will. I keep an eye on him while just trying to enjoy what this relationship has to offer.
I would only fly back home on short trips to see my family/friends and him. I don't have much money to travel today, so it's mostly him who visits me here and he usually stays for a couple of weeks at my place. He will be moving here permanently in 2016, so until then I have some time to watch and see where it goes.
jjj111, I agree with you, long distance relationship is hard on its own, this is why I get nervous sometimes about his well being and drown myself in those anxious thoughts that something bad is happening. suspense is what scares us the most isn't it. But then we meet and it looks like devil is not so bad as it is painted lol. He seems ok so far. I don't know if it last, but I hope it will. I keep an eye on him while just trying to enjoy what this relationship has to offer.
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Join Date: Nov 2013
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Originally Posted by DD24
Hello everybody. I'd like some advice on the current situation I'm in. I've been dating a guy for 3 years, and in the beginning of this year(so practically after 2,5 years of our relationship), I found out that he is a recovering drug addict. His mother told my mother about it assuming she knew, and since I live in a different country, far away from him and my family, one day I just received a phone call from my mother telling me "Did you know that...". It's been a devastating revelation and I was utterly disgusted he's been hiding it from me for 2,5 years of our relationship. Not just hiding, but lying, pointing out multiple times that he never ever in his life touched drugs and doesn't understand why people need them. I called him, we had a brief conversation about it, and he said it's true, but he's been clean for 4 years. Then, when I returned to my hometown and we properly talked things through, it turned out that he relapsed two times during those 4 years and it happened when we were together, though I had no idea. His drugs of choice were oxycodone and methadone, but he said he relapsed on something different. He got into a car crash and was on painkillers for a couple of months which triggered his first relapse. He said it didn't last for long and he was able to get back on track in no time. Later that year he was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease and it lead to another relapse, but he managed to get clean quickly again. I remember not understanding his weird behavior back when he supposedly relapsed and it caused some issues in our relationship, hence why I wasn't around for the most part.
I asked why the first thing he told me after being caught lying was another lies, why he never mentioned those relapses? He said he freaked out. He said he wasn't prepared and thought I would break up with him over the phone and he would never see me again. Okay I said. Don't even get me started on why you lied to me for 2,5 freaking years! He apologized, he said it's just an addict thing, that's how they survive, that's how he was living his life for many years, but he is trying very hard to kick this vicious habit of his, it's just oftentimes he slips back into it, especially when he feels threatened, but he is working on it. He is very serious about his recovery process, he's attending the meetings, and I went to a few as well, his buddies were telling nothing but good about him, and it was so soothing to hear. He works on his 12 steps program, and he doesn't want to go back to his old life anymore, especially now, he has to care about his health, since according to him Parkinson's and drugs are absolutely incompatible and taking drugs after being diagnosed made him very sick. He also said he was hesitant to tell me because the year I met him was the same year I lost my best friend to drugs. He said that I entered this relationship believing that there is no such thing as an ex addict and he was scared of my reaction because my friend's death hit me very hard, and I would've probably run away as fast as I could had he told me he's an addict too.
He sounded very genuine and we both cried, it broke my heart in half, and I had to rebuild my whole image of him, I had to go through a lot of pain and despair, because I was scared and paranoid to leave my hometown and go on with this long distance relationship, I wanted to know what he was doing, where he was going...I kept having those vivid memories of my heroin addict friend and the hell he put all of us through, I thought I cant, I can't, can't do this again. But over time I slowly recovered and I'm at the point of my life where I'm starting to regain my trust in him again. This year and the past year have been amazing for our relationship, he is amazing, he treats me like a princess, which makes me think he really is clean now, and those relapses weren't serious at all. The thing is, before I can fully trust him again, I want to make sure that I...actually can do this. And that I should do this. And that there is a real chance he's getting better and not lying again. Because he is planning to move here to live with me, and I don't really want to be put in a situation where I'm left alone to deal with a drug addict in an foreign country with zero support system outside of our relationship. I told him that if he starts using again, I'm out, because I know how it ends. But if he really is in recovery, then I don't want to doubt him anymore. I've heard and read some amazing recovery stories and I want him to be one of those people. But what if he isn't? I tried to figure it out on my own, but I can't seem to move on and make peace completely, so I would like an advice from people that might be familiar with what I'm going through right now.
I asked why the first thing he told me after being caught lying was another lies, why he never mentioned those relapses? He said he freaked out. He said he wasn't prepared and thought I would break up with him over the phone and he would never see me again. Okay I said. Don't even get me started on why you lied to me for 2,5 freaking years! He apologized, he said it's just an addict thing, that's how they survive, that's how he was living his life for many years, but he is trying very hard to kick this vicious habit of his, it's just oftentimes he slips back into it, especially when he feels threatened, but he is working on it. He is very serious about his recovery process, he's attending the meetings, and I went to a few as well, his buddies were telling nothing but good about him, and it was so soothing to hear. He works on his 12 steps program, and he doesn't want to go back to his old life anymore, especially now, he has to care about his health, since according to him Parkinson's and drugs are absolutely incompatible and taking drugs after being diagnosed made him very sick. He also said he was hesitant to tell me because the year I met him was the same year I lost my best friend to drugs. He said that I entered this relationship believing that there is no such thing as an ex addict and he was scared of my reaction because my friend's death hit me very hard, and I would've probably run away as fast as I could had he told me he's an addict too.
He sounded very genuine and we both cried, it broke my heart in half, and I had to rebuild my whole image of him, I had to go through a lot of pain and despair, because I was scared and paranoid to leave my hometown and go on with this long distance relationship, I wanted to know what he was doing, where he was going...I kept having those vivid memories of my heroin addict friend and the hell he put all of us through, I thought I cant, I can't, can't do this again. But over time I slowly recovered and I'm at the point of my life where I'm starting to regain my trust in him again. This year and the past year have been amazing for our relationship, he is amazing, he treats me like a princess, which makes me think he really is clean now, and those relapses weren't serious at all. The thing is, before I can fully trust him again, I want to make sure that I...actually can do this. And that I should do this. And that there is a real chance he's getting better and not lying again. Because he is planning to move here to live with me, and I don't really want to be put in a situation where I'm left alone to deal with a drug addict in an foreign country with zero support system outside of our relationship. I told him that if he starts using again, I'm out, because I know how it ends. But if he really is in recovery, then I don't want to doubt him anymore. I've heard and read some amazing recovery stories and I want him to be one of those people. But what if he isn't? I tried to figure it out on my own, but I can't seem to move on and make peace completely, so I would like an advice from people that might be familiar with what I'm going through right now.
So you have to trust your gut and don't try to rationalize it. If you feel something is off, it is off. I spend a whole year with AH not knowing he was shooting up. Can you believe it? How could have I not known? i mean the signs were there - something is off, he doesn't look right, but I had no idea!My advice is DO NOT move in with him. Can't you just live near by and see how it goes? See if he is really in recovery first. Trust yourself
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That's a good point Glitter. My AH's meth addiction originally started as a painkiller addiction about 4 -5 years ago or so. First he wanted me to help get him treatment, then he decided he'd just go down to the hood and buy "methadone" and "treat" himself. He was constantly reassuring me that he was tapering down the methadone, blah, blah, blah. When he was in the hospital and I confirmed he was an addict recently, he actually thought in his mind I would be "reassured" by knowing "he only uses cocaine" not meth. Turns out he uses it all but his DOC is meth.
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Join Date: Nov 2014
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Originally Posted by glitterdeva
One thing that I can tell you from my experience living with AH is that addicts lie about the extend of their addiction. I only do pills, I only took 2, I only did it one time, I have been clean for months, etc, etc, etc. I heard it so many times. No addict is going to tell you the whole story So you have to trust your gut and don't try to rationalize it. If you feel something is off, it is off. I spend a whole year with AH not knowing he was shooting up. Can you believe it? How could have I not known? i mean the signs were there - something is off, he doesn't look right, but I had no idea!
My advice is DO NOT move in with him. Can't you just live near by and see how it goes? See if he is really in recovery first. Trust yourself
So you have to trust your gut and don't try to rationalize it. If you feel something is off, it is off. I spend a whole year with AH not knowing he was shooting up. Can you believe it? How could have I not known? i mean the signs were there - something is off, he doesn't look right, but I had no idea!My advice is DO NOT move in with him. Can't you just live near by and see how it goes? See if he is really in recovery first. Trust yourself
No, sadly I can't. I can only watch him during his visits.
Originally Posted by waitingforhope
That's a good point Glitter. My AH's meth addiction originally started as a painkiller addiction about 4 -5 years ago or so. First he wanted me to help get him treatment, then he decided he'd just go down to the hood and buy "methadone" and "treat" himself. He was constantly reassuring me that he was tapering down the methadone, blah, blah, blah. When he was in the hospital and I confirmed he was an addict recently, he actually thought in his mind I would be "reassured" by knowing "he only uses cocaine" not meth. Turns out he uses it all but his DOC is meth.
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 275
Originally Posted by waitingforhope
That's a good point Glitter. My AH's meth addiction originally started as a painkiller addiction about 4 -5 years ago or so. First he wanted me to help get him treatment, then he decided he'd just go down to the hood and buy "methadone" and "treat" himself. He was constantly reassuring me that he was tapering down the methadone, blah, blah, blah. When he was in the hospital and I confirmed he was an addict recently, he actually thought in his mind I would be "reassured" by knowing "he only uses cocaine" not meth. Turns out he uses it all but his DOC is meth.
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