Jenibean87

Hey, sorry for the OT post, but I'm having a hard time calming myself down at the moment and think it might help just to vent.

I've never really been afraid to be home alone before, in fact, I looked forward to it. I had moments of healthy fear occasionally, but mostly I was just fine at night by myself. Almost two years ago, I had an incident when I was followed from the parking lot my building at night, and it reoccurred a few nights later. I called the police and gave a report, but nothing became of it. Ever since then, I get an intense paranoia at night. I relocated 2,000 miles away from where the incident occurred, but I still have the hardest time feeling safe alone when the sun has gone down.

ABF works a recovery program that requires him to come home late at night, so I've gotten some conditioning and practice at being alone in the evenings for the past 4 months, but tonight I can't shake the panic. I came home and my garage door was open (likely my mistake, but it set off my panic alarms), and ABF doesn't plan to come home tonight until the wee hours as he is out with his recovery friends at an event. I checked the locks (some doors were unlocked, so I locked them) and looked in most of the dark, scary places. I also called ABF and asked him to come home a bit earlier than he planned. But honestly? I'm paralyzed with fear. I'm about one more bump in the night away from packing up and going to a hotel. I feel like such a wimp...

Anyone else experience this anxiety? Anyone have any tips on how to relax?

NWGRITS

I used to be great at being home alone at night, which is good for a military wife, because I'm alone a lot. Then the trip before this one Mr. Grits is on now, there were a few home invasions in our town, and door-to-door solicitors were casing houses to rob. Then came a shooting, a threat to our middle school, and a felon taking hostages in a house after a road rage incident. The day Mr. Grits left on this current trip, someone tried to open my front door while I was standing right there in my living room - smack in the middle of the day. I haven't slept well for the majority of the last two months, because it's just me here with the kids. Even the most normal noises have me on alert, and I've woken from brief periods of drifting off to my eyes creating blurry shadows that look like people in my room. It takes my brain a while to catch up and see that there really isn't anyone here. So yes, I'm terrified. Even with the guns available to me, I'm still scared. Mr. Grits was supposed to come home today, but he had to stay behind to fix one of their jets that went down for repair last night. I won't sleep until he's home.

dandylion

Folks, I empahtize as I have been afraid, at times, also.
I felt safest, when alone, when I had a good guard dog. One was a "mut"---a mixed pit bull terrier (totally sweet). She was so totally alert and a squirrel couldn't get across the lawn without her letting me know.
Another was a German shepard/huskie mix. He was like having my own sentry.
Sadly, they are no longer with us.

My current and only dog is high on beauty, but low o n guarding instincts. She rarely even barks at anything ...LOL!

Even a small dog who is a barker can be a good deterrent---and they give the comfort of an early warning signal!

I keep thinking about getting another German Shepard.

I know this is not feasible for everyone...but, I think it is a good way of adding comfort for those who can.

dandylion

LexieCat

My first husband had a few bad experiences in his life, and he is fairly paranoid when it comes to home security. He installed a home security system with a passcode that calls the police if there is entry without putting in the code (he gives me the code when I visit but changes it regularly) and has security cameras, too. I've never felt the need to do that, and my only fear was for a few weeks after a very dangerous batterer I had prosecuted was released from prison and I got a suspicious phone call. Nothing ever happened, but I was on edge for a few weeks.

If you ever come home and your house doesn't look "right," call the police. They will be glad to come out and do a security check of the house to make sure no one is inside.

lillamy

Absolutely. I did this a while ago. One of my kids had a friend over, and when I took her home (her parents were gone), the garage door was open. I wasn't going to go in there and search the place, and I sure as hell wasn't going to let HER do it, so we called the PD and they were super nice about it and told her that this is exactly what people should do (she was embarrassed to have the cops come to her house).

I lived alone for long enough that I got used to being alone at night, but I can understand your fear given your stalker experience. I had a stalker for about six months in college -- I eventually moved to get away from him, just like you -- and I know how incredibly unsettling that can be.

Jenibean87

Thanks for the responses. I ended up heading out to a hotel because I couldn't relax. To me, spending $80 bucks to get a good nights sleep and relieve my anxiety was worth it in the moment. ABF thinks I am nuts, but wasn't upset at spending the money and was understanding of the extreme anxiety I was experiencing. Of course, now today I feel like a baby.

I do have an alarm system installed, but we rarely set it before we leave the house for just a few hours--usually just when we leave for vacation. I think calling the cops for a check is a good idea. I just feel silly doing so I guess. The whole thing feels really immature. But I can't find a way to get myself out of that panic zone once I am in it. It becomes a physical reaction and can lead to some serious anxiety attacks.

LexieCat

You absolutely do not have to be embarrassed to call the police. For them, a quick check of the home takes a lot less time than processing a crime scene, and it is part of "protect and serve" for them to do those kinds of checks. They consider it a regular part of the job. I've called the cops to check when a door I was sure I had locked was open, and even to help me get my car door unlocked when I've locked the keys inside. They have been unfailingly pleasant and happy to help.

I'm glad you went where you could get a good night's sleep.

NWGRITS

If I wasn't so allergic to dogs, I might consider one. And if they didn't shed or smell or poo in the house or need to go out or be fed. I have enough on my plate that I can't fathom adding the care for something else. Five kids and a house is enough.

Jenibean87

Hahah Grit!

I have two cats, and we volunteer for the local animal rescue by fostering up to four kittens a week. I'm generally at my wits end just trying to keep them all in line. A dog would be too much.