I fail
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 2
I fail
Hello,
Just registered a few minutes ago.
I am drunk at the moment, again, despite my promises to myself. Apologies for that, this is supposed to be a sober recovery forum.
I am listening to a song: "Oh how I wish, for soothing rain, all I wish is to dream again, my loving heart lost in the dark..."
So true for me, I used to be something, now I am nothing. What happened to me ? Why do I keep doing this ? I hate myself. I made a promise to days ago to not drink for a week, but I broke it today
I don't know why, I just did... I guess I think at the time, that these things are not serious enough.
All I know is:
I feel bad almost every moment I am sober.
I feel like my life is crashing down, and that I am drowning.
I should have everything I need, and I must admit, I feel ashamed for writing this because there are people who have it much worse than me. I have a life, a family, a job (for now), still I drink, WHY ? Because I feel bad, I feel miserable when I am not drinking, and I feel miserable when I am not drinking. Only relief is when I am well, starting to drink or just before that, when I have "the stuff" but haven't started yet.
WHY do I keep drinking, WHY ?
Just registered a few minutes ago.
I am drunk at the moment, again, despite my promises to myself. Apologies for that, this is supposed to be a sober recovery forum.
I am listening to a song: "Oh how I wish, for soothing rain, all I wish is to dream again, my loving heart lost in the dark..."
So true for me, I used to be something, now I am nothing. What happened to me ? Why do I keep doing this ? I hate myself. I made a promise to days ago to not drink for a week, but I broke it today
I don't know why, I just did... I guess I think at the time, that these things are not serious enough.
All I know is:
I feel bad almost every moment I am sober.
I feel like my life is crashing down, and that I am drowning.
I should have everything I need, and I must admit, I feel ashamed for writing this because there are people who have it much worse than me. I have a life, a family, a job (for now), still I drink, WHY ? Because I feel bad, I feel miserable when I am not drinking, and I feel miserable when I am not drinking. Only relief is when I am well, starting to drink or just before that, when I have "the stuff" but haven't started yet.
WHY do I keep drinking, WHY ?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: TN
Posts: 365
Instead of asking yourself why, try to stop right now. Take the stuff you bought and thrwo it out. I know I sound crazy but tomorrow you will feel less anxiety if you stop the buzz. Stop trying to analyze, seek help instead for dealing with the triggers and the cravings. All that philosophical stuff doesn't do you any good. Welcome on here, post some more and you will soon feel better.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,519
Welcome eagleflyfree. It's great to meet you. This is a good place for talking things over with those who understand.
Drinking took everything from me. What had once been fun and relaxing was nothing but misery. Staying numb is not living. I think you realize that. We're here to help.
Drinking took everything from me. What had once been fun and relaxing was nothing but misery. Staying numb is not living. I think you realize that. We're here to help.
Living Sober
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 555
Hey eagleflyfree- Welcome!
I think it's great that came to this forum seeking some help. It's a great place for that.
You've asked why do you keep drinking and have indicated that you want to stop. I think you'll need to appreciate that you might have a problem, and realize that something needs to be done about it. For most people in here, abstinence is really the only option.
I hope to see you around!
Lusher
I think it's great that came to this forum seeking some help. It's a great place for that.
You've asked why do you keep drinking and have indicated that you want to stop. I think you'll need to appreciate that you might have a problem, and realize that something needs to be done about it. For most people in here, abstinence is really the only option.
I hope to see you around!
Lusher
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Welcome!
That's the only relief you KNOW about. What of we told you there was a better way?
I used to think that alcohol's effects only lasted 8-12 hours. Turns out that is incorrect for those of us who would drink it daily. Doing that makes the after effects of alcohol last 12-15 weeks. Yikes!
So, you went 2 days without drinking and didn't feel better. That's no surprise. Feeling better is going to take a few months.
Be well, New Friend.
Originally Posted by eagleflyfree 
Only relief is when I am well, starting to drink or just before that, when I have "the stuff" but haven't started yet.
I used to think that alcohol's effects only lasted 8-12 hours. Turns out that is incorrect for those of us who would drink it daily. Doing that makes the after effects of alcohol last 12-15 weeks. Yikes!
So, you went 2 days without drinking and didn't feel better. That's no surprise. Feeling better is going to take a few months.
Be well, New Friend.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Buffalo, NY
Posts: 160
You came here, that's a start. You can't let the past get you down. I find that dwelling on the past can be a trigger. Yesterday I was drinking, but today I'm sober.
If you don't mind me asking, what are your health issues? Alcohol can really mess up your body, especially as you get older. Right around when I hit 40 is where a few hours of recovery time from a hangover turned into a day or even two. Then in order to "cure" the bad hangover, I hit the bottle again.
I was so bad this morning that I was shaking so bad I couldn't type. I feel better every sober hour.
Keep posting and reading here, and put the booze down the drain.
If you don't mind me asking, what are your health issues? Alcohol can really mess up your body, especially as you get older. Right around when I hit 40 is where a few hours of recovery time from a hangover turned into a day or even two. Then in order to "cure" the bad hangover, I hit the bottle again.
I was so bad this morning that I was shaking so bad I couldn't type. I feel better every sober hour.
Keep posting and reading here, and put the booze down the drain.
Guest
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 1,305
Welcome, eagleflyfree! I'm glad you're here. Things can get better, although I know from experience that it's hard to believe that at first. I would suggest that you spend as much time here as possible, reading and posting. This site has been so helpful to me, and I hope it will be the same for you. Take good care, we're here for you. 
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,355
Hi and welcome eagleflyfree
I find that stopping drinking is a far better step to take than wondering why. There's plenty of time for why later.
Have you tried any approaches in the past to help you stop drinking?
D
I find that stopping drinking is a far better step to take than wondering why. There's plenty of time for why later.
Have you tried any approaches in the past to help you stop drinking?
D
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
the 'why' of it...
i used to ask myself that obsessively. and convinced myself i couldn't stop drinking because i hadn't figured out why i drank. why i drank after seriously promising myself not to. how could that be? and why was it so?
insisting on understanding the 'why' of my drinking and repeated returns to it was, in fact, an open door to continued drinking.
turns out: i didn't need to know the why at all in order to stop.
turns out, too, that the 'why' was a simple as "because i'm an alcoholic". but that would have sounded offensively simplistic at the time
you can figure the 'why' out later. if you want. it's not necessary in order to quit.
the 'why' of wanting sobriety is a better bet.
i used to ask myself that obsessively. and convinced myself i couldn't stop drinking because i hadn't figured out why i drank. why i drank after seriously promising myself not to. how could that be? and why was it so?
insisting on understanding the 'why' of my drinking and repeated returns to it was, in fact, an open door to continued drinking.
turns out: i didn't need to know the why at all in order to stop.
turns out, too, that the 'why' was a simple as "because i'm an alcoholic". but that would have sounded offensively simplistic at the time
you can figure the 'why' out later. if you want. it's not necessary in order to quit.
the 'why' of wanting sobriety is a better bet.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 2
Thanks for all the support! I will write more when I am back among the living, now it's time to suffer...
Some first thoughts:
I have tried using willpower to quit, only problem is, the 'me' who wants to drink is so clever to justify it, overriding the 'me' who tries to resist. No argument like "you need to cut down","your health","your weight" matters. It only matters in a hungover state. Weird ain't it?
To spill it all out:
I have about 12 drinks every 3 days. My cycle is drink -> hangover -> sober day -> drink. I have a job (still) and am rarely too hungover to do it.
Longest bender so far is 3 days, it happened only once, last year when I was on a trip with friends.
Some first thoughts:
I have tried using willpower to quit, only problem is, the 'me' who wants to drink is so clever to justify it, overriding the 'me' who tries to resist. No argument like "you need to cut down","your health","your weight" matters. It only matters in a hungover state. Weird ain't it?
To spill it all out:
I have about 12 drinks every 3 days. My cycle is drink -> hangover -> sober day -> drink. I have a job (still) and am rarely too hungover to do it.
Longest bender so far is 3 days, it happened only once, last year when I was on a trip with friends.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: England
Posts: 808
eagleflyfree two things that should give you hope
1. You recognise that drinking is making you miserable
2. You recognise that the the part of 'you' that wants to drink isn't the real You.
You can beat this thing my friend, the part of you that wants to drink is called the Addictive Voice, there are very effective ways of dealing with it.
Hope you're feeling better soon, you've done the right thing by joining this site.
Why not make today the first day of the rest of your sober life?
It can be done.
1. You recognise that drinking is making you miserable
2. You recognise that the the part of 'you' that wants to drink isn't the real You.
You can beat this thing my friend, the part of you that wants to drink is called the Addictive Voice, there are very effective ways of dealing with it.
Hope you're feeling better soon, you've done the right thing by joining this site.
Why not make today the first day of the rest of your sober life?
It can be done.
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