Severely Depressed
A Day at a Time
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Severely Depressed
Since my daughter death 4 months ago I am slowly but surely becoming more and more depressed. I took a couple of online assessments and I fall into the severely depressed category which is not good and worse sometimes it seems life just is too much work to go on.
My mind seems so scrambled that I just can't do anything. Just paralyzed with sadness.
I need to be pointed in the right direction
My mind seems so scrambled that I just can't do anything. Just paralyzed with sadness.
I need to be pointed in the right direction
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,431
You've had one of the hardest saddest most unfair losses of all - a parent losing a child.
I think you've handled yourself magnificently to be honest MIR. You've inspired me and a lot of others here I'm sure.
But...none of us is Superman.
I really think grief counselling would be good for you MIR, or come kind of peer grief support group.
There must be options in your home town? can you speak with your family Dr as well?
D
I think you've handled yourself magnificently to be honest MIR. You've inspired me and a lot of others here I'm sure.
But...none of us is Superman.
I really think grief counselling would be good for you MIR, or come kind of peer grief support group.
There must be options in your home town? can you speak with your family Dr as well?
D
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,776
I would agree about speaking to your doctor. I have clinical depression and my meds make the difference between crippling depression and being able to manage it.
Grief counseling might be a good idea also.
Grief counseling might be a good idea also.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
I agree with Dee, I think it must be very difficult to get up every day and put one foot in front of the other when you are in so much grief and pain.
taking on line assessments is maybe dwelling on the issue but not taking the steps to fix it. (there is also Reactive Depression which comes after what you went through)
You might want to start with your insurance carrier, they were amazingly helpful to me and pointed me to therapists that were covered by my plan and specialized in my particular issues. one to one counseling and they might also put you in touch with the grief groups.
I know your dear daughter died of cancer, perhaps that doctor might be in touch with groups through the hospital social services.
Please don't go through this alone, especially the holidays are tough to bear. You need to find a little light and relief.
the only other suggestion I have is for you to get outside for 10 mins today and get a little walk in if you can.
taking on line assessments is maybe dwelling on the issue but not taking the steps to fix it. (there is also Reactive Depression which comes after what you went through)
You might want to start with your insurance carrier, they were amazingly helpful to me and pointed me to therapists that were covered by my plan and specialized in my particular issues. one to one counseling and they might also put you in touch with the grief groups.
I know your dear daughter died of cancer, perhaps that doctor might be in touch with groups through the hospital social services.
Please don't go through this alone, especially the holidays are tough to bear. You need to find a little light and relief.
the only other suggestion I have is for you to get outside for 10 mins today and get a little walk in if you can.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Living in Today!
Posts: 3,944
Originally Posted by MIRecovery 
Since my daughter death 4 months ago I am slowly but surely becoming more and more depressed. I took a couple of online assessments and I fall into the severely depressed category which is not good and worse sometimes it seems life just is too much work to go on.
My mind seems so scrambled that I just can't do anything. Just paralyzed with sadness.
I need to be pointed in the right direction
My mind seems so scrambled that I just can't do anything. Just paralyzed with sadness.
I need to be pointed in the right direction
sorry for your loss. i lost my younger brother this past April. it is a hard thing for sure..
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Depression is a horrible state of mind. Like Least, I control mine with anti-depressants, but when I occasionally slip into a deeper depression, it's awful.
Apart from talking to your doctor, some low tech measures might give you relief, like fostering a shelter dog, or taking up a social activity, volunteering (has helped bring me back from a low point), meditation....I'm sure there are lots more ideas but the main thing is do something, even though depression paralyzes you. If you really can't take action, ask a friend to help get you to the doctor. My thoughts are with you in this difficult time.
Apart from talking to your doctor, some low tech measures might give you relief, like fostering a shelter dog, or taking up a social activity, volunteering (has helped bring me back from a low point), meditation....I'm sure there are lots more ideas but the main thing is do something, even though depression paralyzes you. If you really can't take action, ask a friend to help get you to the doctor. My thoughts are with you in this difficult time.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: OZ
Posts: 2,055
I am so sorry MIR, You have been through so much...I am wondering if you would consider a grief
counselor...with one that you feel comfortable with, they can help you through your loss...
Also, have you still quit smoking...the reason I ask is that when I gave up smoking I suffered from PAWS,
I had that awful scrambled brain for months, it is well documented and takes quite a while for the brain to adjust....
It is wonderful that you have posted, talking about how you feel is a very strong thing to so.
counselor...with one that you feel comfortable with, they can help you through your loss...
Also, have you still quit smoking...the reason I ask is that when I gave up smoking I suffered from PAWS,
I had that awful scrambled brain for months, it is well documented and takes quite a while for the brain to adjust....
It is wonderful that you have posted, talking about how you feel is a very strong thing to so.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: New York
Posts: 1,372
((((((MIRecovery)))))) I have three children and I can't even imagine what you are going through. I think the grieving process is a long one with many stages. Maybe a support group or a counselor would be a good place to start and help you through your depression.
I'm thinking of you - your courage, strength and honesty inspire me to stay sober and to be better.
I'm thinking of you - your courage, strength and honesty inspire me to stay sober and to be better.
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Hi Mir i think grief councelling might help im looking into that myself
some days im really struggling not with drinking just with pain it comes and goes
i have lost many and if you ever want to chat it might help us both ?
hang in there you inspired me massivly a couple weeks ago hang in there
some days im really struggling not with drinking just with pain it comes and goes
i have lost many and if you ever want to chat it might help us both ?
hang in there you inspired me massivly a couple weeks ago hang in there
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
(((MIRecovery)))
Try a psychiatrist in your network. They often do prescribe anti-depressants, but they don't just "give you a pill then send you on your way--" at least not until you're out of the crisis. They talk and let you talk, or they refer you to someone who specializes in counseling.
You definitely need help--you're in a deep depression, and you can't just pull yourself up by your bootstraps, although I'm sure you've made a valiant effort. You've suffered a horrible loss.
Try a psychiatrist in your network. They often do prescribe anti-depressants, but they don't just "give you a pill then send you on your way--" at least not until you're out of the crisis. They talk and let you talk, or they refer you to someone who specializes in counseling.
You definitely need help--you're in a deep depression, and you can't just pull yourself up by your bootstraps, although I'm sure you've made a valiant effort. You've suffered a horrible loss.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
There are grief counselors available
to help us when dealing with different
situations like your own.
What I love seeing is how in todays
time they have dogs that are brought
in to those dealing with different situations
too. Dogs have that calming affect and
make us smile.
From your aviator picture Im guessing
you already have a beautiful dog. Right?
Grieving takes time and is different
for all of us. You have no time line
to stop grieving. However, there are
specialists that help work thru times
like this and give you helpful and healthy
ways to move forward.
Depression, addiction, grief all ball up
can cause any of us to explode if not
addressed and helped by those who
know how to help us.
I have to remember that I never have
to go thru anything by myself ever again.
That there is always someone to be beside
me to guide and help me thru any situation.
Grief councilors, addiction theraphists all
have the knowledge to help us with right meds
if needed for our chemical imbalance,
depression, anxiety, a loss of a loved one.
Don't hesitate to call or reach out for
all resources to help you heal and become
happier, healthier in ur life.
Your Sister in Recovery,
Sharon
to help us when dealing with different
situations like your own.
What I love seeing is how in todays
time they have dogs that are brought
in to those dealing with different situations
too. Dogs have that calming affect and
make us smile.
From your aviator picture Im guessing
you already have a beautiful dog. Right?
Grieving takes time and is different
for all of us. You have no time line
to stop grieving. However, there are
specialists that help work thru times
like this and give you helpful and healthy
ways to move forward.
Depression, addiction, grief all ball up
can cause any of us to explode if not
addressed and helped by those who
know how to help us.
I have to remember that I never have
to go thru anything by myself ever again.
That there is always someone to be beside
me to guide and help me thru any situation.
Grief councilors, addiction theraphists all
have the knowledge to help us with right meds
if needed for our chemical imbalance,
depression, anxiety, a loss of a loved one.
Don't hesitate to call or reach out for
all resources to help you heal and become
happier, healthier in ur life.
Your Sister in Recovery,
Sharon
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
No good advice, just sending prayers and love. As a mother, I can't imagine the pain you are having to bear. Honestly, when I would see you post helpful posts to so many people after your loss, I was worried that you were suppressing your pain, but as we know, it has to come out in some way. Tears are God's release valves. Let them flow. Melody Beattie lost her son to a skiing accident. I have found her books on addiction and codependency incredibly helpful. I love her devotionals. Perhaps she has written something on the loss of her son that might be helpful to you?? Again, hugs, love and prayers.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Glad you recognize you are in a dark place. Depression is different from grief, but both can be addressed. When we lost our mom, two of my sisters recognized and dealt with their depression in a forthright manner.
I drank.
I drank.
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
Originally Posted by MIRecovery
My worry with an MD is he will give me a pill and send me on my way but maybe this is what I need so confused
Please go see your doctor. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Hi MIR.
I don't know how people go on living after the death of a child.
Some twenty years ago I experienced a traumatic and sudden death of a loved one. I cried every day for weeks and months. I was inconsolable, and my grief kept me attached to the person I lost. It was like ascending from a bomb shelter to find that everything around me that meant anything was destroyed. My suffering became extremely destructive over time, and eventually tailspinned into an all-encompassing episode of major depression. Two months after she died, my father died of cancer, after a long battle. I didn't drink, I didn't have suicidal thoughts, but I did want to die. I was able to complete my professional responsibilities at a high level, and I'm still not certain how this was possible. Everything I did in my work suddenly seemed very simple, perhaps because it all seemed so very trivial to me at that time.
A couple of months following her death, I sought and was referred to a very good therapist who specialized in loss, and for a year I continued crying with her during our sessions. I have mixed feelings about medication, and I'm not one to run to meds when things go wrong, so I held out for the entire year. With a background in psychopharmacology, I knew what was available and what to expect. After a year, I finally conceded that talk therapy alone was not working, and started on antidepressants. Meds are not a panacea, but they worked for me. What it did was allow me to work through my grief and bring myself to a better place with it. I was competent at working with people who came to me to help them through their grief prior to all this, but it later became an area of intense interest for me and something that I embraced due to my own experiences. I learned how to hold people until they could come back together.
Therapy was a place for me where I could go once a week (at least) and cry, sob and rail at the unfairness of life in peace and safety, and where I was able to accept and let in love, care and concern. Nothing was expected of me, not even the full disclosure of my feelings or an analysis of my dense, impenetrable sorrow. It was a long process for me, but I had a place to go each week where my grief was not rushed, not analyzed, not objectified, or categorized. It was simply accepted for what it was.
I don't believe that we ever fully "get over" something like that. Rather, such a traumatic loss influences virtually every meaningful aspect of our lives. It took years for me to recognize and appreciate that, and I'm still discovering things about myself and the way I live my life that trace back to that time.
Not everyone is capable of learning from traumatic loss, as many of us act out on it rather than allow ourselves a more complete grieving process: alcohol, drugs, sex, food, despair. The experience of loss is universal, but the way we process it is unique to each individual. It can kill us -- and it does kill us for periods of time while we're going through it -- but it also allows for us a genuine opportunity to experience our basic humanity, and to reframe our lives in a radically different way and, ultimately in a way that love, care and concern emerge as major players over all else.
I wish you peace. You are in my thoughts.
I don't know how people go on living after the death of a child.
Some twenty years ago I experienced a traumatic and sudden death of a loved one. I cried every day for weeks and months. I was inconsolable, and my grief kept me attached to the person I lost. It was like ascending from a bomb shelter to find that everything around me that meant anything was destroyed. My suffering became extremely destructive over time, and eventually tailspinned into an all-encompassing episode of major depression. Two months after she died, my father died of cancer, after a long battle. I didn't drink, I didn't have suicidal thoughts, but I did want to die. I was able to complete my professional responsibilities at a high level, and I'm still not certain how this was possible. Everything I did in my work suddenly seemed very simple, perhaps because it all seemed so very trivial to me at that time.
A couple of months following her death, I sought and was referred to a very good therapist who specialized in loss, and for a year I continued crying with her during our sessions. I have mixed feelings about medication, and I'm not one to run to meds when things go wrong, so I held out for the entire year. With a background in psychopharmacology, I knew what was available and what to expect. After a year, I finally conceded that talk therapy alone was not working, and started on antidepressants. Meds are not a panacea, but they worked for me. What it did was allow me to work through my grief and bring myself to a better place with it. I was competent at working with people who came to me to help them through their grief prior to all this, but it later became an area of intense interest for me and something that I embraced due to my own experiences. I learned how to hold people until they could come back together.
Therapy was a place for me where I could go once a week (at least) and cry, sob and rail at the unfairness of life in peace and safety, and where I was able to accept and let in love, care and concern. Nothing was expected of me, not even the full disclosure of my feelings or an analysis of my dense, impenetrable sorrow. It was a long process for me, but I had a place to go each week where my grief was not rushed, not analyzed, not objectified, or categorized. It was simply accepted for what it was.
I don't believe that we ever fully "get over" something like that. Rather, such a traumatic loss influences virtually every meaningful aspect of our lives. It took years for me to recognize and appreciate that, and I'm still discovering things about myself and the way I live my life that trace back to that time.
Not everyone is capable of learning from traumatic loss, as many of us act out on it rather than allow ourselves a more complete grieving process: alcohol, drugs, sex, food, despair. The experience of loss is universal, but the way we process it is unique to each individual. It can kill us -- and it does kill us for periods of time while we're going through it -- but it also allows for us a genuine opportunity to experience our basic humanity, and to reframe our lives in a radically different way and, ultimately in a way that love, care and concern emerge as major players over all else.
I wish you peace. You are in my thoughts.
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