mindful relapse prevention
waking down
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 4,641
mindful relapse prevention
I'll be eleven months sober next week. When I quit drinking last Christmas I immediately reached for books about mindfulness and addiction. I've long thought of myself as a non-practicing Buddhist. That is, I kind of understood the basic concepts intellectually, but I lacked the discipline to follow through...
I started meditating after just a couple of weeks of sobriety. At that point I was battling anxiety and I was just trying to learn to surf the waves of emotion without succumbing to the voices telling me to just end it all. I meditated in a desperate attempt to maintain what shreds I had left of my sanity.
When the anxiety subsided in March and I felt stable I quit meditating. Then came a new storm of crazy and I felt like I was back in acute withdrawal again.
As soon as I started meditating again, even if only for ten minutes a day, I seemed to level out, if not completely, at least some.
So I kept at it.
I was recently convinced I needed muscle relaxants due to an injury and resulting spasms that were getting progressively worse. I feared I would enjoy them, so I was really hesitant.
I didn't. That is, I didn't enjoy them.
I didn't enjoy them because they were inconsistent with my practice. Call it mindfulness. Call it Buddhism. Call it clarity.
I'm not going to drink, but I think even if I did I wouldn't like it. Substances interfere with my practice and my progress. Even sugar. Even coffee. I think I'm ready to give up tea.
I'm basically agnostic or I would thank God. But I am grateful for those who created and developed vipassana practice these past 2500 years, and I would add that I am thankful for the neuroscientists who are compiling evidence regarding why meditation and mindfulness work.
My brain is changing. I can feel it.
I don't want to sound preachy, but I wanted to share. Maybe some will find this helpful.
Despite some seriously painful physical setbacks, I found myself today thinking I am doing really well. Let the nightmares come. Let the anxiety come. Let the pain come. Let the holidays come. I can deal with it.
I started meditating after just a couple of weeks of sobriety. At that point I was battling anxiety and I was just trying to learn to surf the waves of emotion without succumbing to the voices telling me to just end it all. I meditated in a desperate attempt to maintain what shreds I had left of my sanity.
When the anxiety subsided in March and I felt stable I quit meditating. Then came a new storm of crazy and I felt like I was back in acute withdrawal again.
As soon as I started meditating again, even if only for ten minutes a day, I seemed to level out, if not completely, at least some.
So I kept at it.
I was recently convinced I needed muscle relaxants due to an injury and resulting spasms that were getting progressively worse. I feared I would enjoy them, so I was really hesitant.
I didn't. That is, I didn't enjoy them.
I didn't enjoy them because they were inconsistent with my practice. Call it mindfulness. Call it Buddhism. Call it clarity.
I'm not going to drink, but I think even if I did I wouldn't like it. Substances interfere with my practice and my progress. Even sugar. Even coffee. I think I'm ready to give up tea.
I'm basically agnostic or I would thank God. But I am grateful for those who created and developed vipassana practice these past 2500 years, and I would add that I am thankful for the neuroscientists who are compiling evidence regarding why meditation and mindfulness work.
My brain is changing. I can feel it.
I don't want to sound preachy, but I wanted to share. Maybe some will find this helpful.
Despite some seriously painful physical setbacks, I found myself today thinking I am doing really well. Let the nightmares come. Let the anxiety come. Let the pain come. Let the holidays come. I can deal with it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 42
I cannot overstate it...... yoga, meditation, and books about mindfulness and buddhism have been the key to my recovery. It has been everything......after years of struggle yoga has been my salvation.......the path that finally worked. I don't count days.....I don't regard sobriety as deprivation.....I see it as freedom. When you experience the bliss that yoga and meditation bring, coupled with eating well.....you just don't want to put anything toxic in your body. This has been my experience. If it were not for my addiction I don't think I would have discovered this amazing way to experience life. I would not have been forced to dig deep inside for the root of my addiction.
waking down
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 4,641
So true. I'm just now able to do some basic yoga poses, mostly on the floor. I need to stretch and only work my muscles very gently at this point, but I'm making progress. I mean, it's a challenge for me right now just to get my left leg into my pants, much less pull a sock over my foot. I can't run, but I can walk. That's more than some can say. And oddly enough, I'm grateful for it.
Living Sober
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 555
Hey zerothehero-
I just wanted to say that I enjoyed reading your post. I have read how others have found solace in yoga and meditation as well. This, along with your post, has peaked my curiosity a bit.
Thanks for the post.
Lusher
I just wanted to say that I enjoyed reading your post. I have read how others have found solace in yoga and meditation as well. This, along with your post, has peaked my curiosity a bit.
Thanks for the post.
Lusher
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 472
Congratulations on eleven months sober!!!! I am a strong believer that in order to successfully quit alcohol one needs to replace it with something else. So glad that in your case the meditation has helped. I know that in the past good nutrition and exercise have really helped.......I'm afraid that it is start all over again for me so I'm looking at everything and anything to help me get back on track. Thanks for the information.
Life is an unlikely miracle.
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: England
Posts: 1,859
Thank you for your post, Zero, I agree 100%, I 've always found meditation to be very beneficial. I've just started meditating and doing yoga again, after a few years of "forgetting" how good it makes me feel -self sabotaging behaviour, I suspect !
I also find that when meditating, or praying, or anything mindful , my life always flows so much better. Whether that is because I am giving up control, connecting to a Higher Power or just being more relaxed, I don't know, but it works every time.
I also find that when meditating, or praying, or anything mindful , my life always flows so much better. Whether that is because I am giving up control, connecting to a Higher Power or just being more relaxed, I don't know, but it works every time.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 56
A big part of my recovery is starting to learn and practice Tai Chi Chuan which has Daoism at its core rather than Buddhism but both take you to the same place I believe. I have found tai chi to be fantastic for both my physical and psychological health.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Hello there - great post 
Sorry about the physical pain but I'm very glad that these practices work for you and you are doing well and are sober despite all adversities. What you describe to me shows, more than anything else, that you can deal with reality pretty well. It's also fortunate that you don't like those pills.
Yes meditation and yoga has been essential parts of my recovery as well. I did a little bit of sloppy yoga here and there in the past but got into it more seriously this spring and I'm so grateful that I did. I took classes with different instructors and I still do, but now I am also confident enough to practice at home on my own... well, some at least. I've become a big fan of it.
As for the vipassana, I was sad to miss Alan Wallace's retreat early this month that I was registered for, due to mostly that I chose to travel home to see my father and then I could not afford a 2-week break again... well I had something of a mini nervous breakdown instead, but it did not turn out serious in the end, I think I was mostly just overwhelmed. I really hope I can go to a retreat with Alan sometime next year. I also almost always sense setbacks if I skip my yoga and meditation practices too long.
Great work on the 11 months sober - I'll be 10 next week We are doing this, my friend!
Sorry about the physical pain but I'm very glad that these practices work for you and you are doing well and are sober despite all adversities. What you describe to me shows, more than anything else, that you can deal with reality pretty well. It's also fortunate that you don't like those pills.
Yes meditation and yoga has been essential parts of my recovery as well. I did a little bit of sloppy yoga here and there in the past but got into it more seriously this spring and I'm so grateful that I did. I took classes with different instructors and I still do, but now I am also confident enough to practice at home on my own... well, some at least. I've become a big fan of it.
As for the vipassana, I was sad to miss Alan Wallace's retreat early this month that I was registered for, due to mostly that I chose to travel home to see my father and then I could not afford a 2-week break again... well I had something of a mini nervous breakdown instead, but it did not turn out serious in the end, I think I was mostly just overwhelmed. I really hope I can go to a retreat with Alan sometime next year. I also almost always sense setbacks if I skip my yoga and meditation practices too long.
Great work on the 11 months sober - I'll be 10 next week
We are doing this, my friend!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 42
Originally Posted by zerothehero 
So true. I'm just now able to do some basic yoga poses, mostly on the floor. I need to stretch and only work my muscles very gently at this point, but I'm making progress. I mean, it's a challenge for me right now just to get my left leg into my pants, much less pull a sock over my foot. I can't run, but I can walk. That's more than some can say. And oddly enough, I'm grateful for it.
If you can find a yoga class in your area called "restorative yoga" or gentle yoga that would be helpful too. Congrats, peace and joy to you.
waking down
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 4,641
Thanks for the thanks and encouragement. I'm so far gone right now I'm scared I'll hurt myself in a yoga class. I've done it before. But I am familiar enough with the basics to practice modestly at home. I'm doing five or ten minutes here and there and will work up to an hour. It seems in recent years every time I'm getting into regular exercise something else fails - feet, knees, hip, shoulder, back... I'm kind of a mess these days when it comes to my body.
The mind, though, is making real progress. One of the things about regular meditation is it seems to free me from attachments that bring me down. Like believing I'm too young to be falling apart, or like I'm not the man I used to be, kind of crap. I joked with my wife during a low point of frustration that I sometimes feel like I meditate to try to convince myself I'm okay with my sorry fate. It was kind of true when I said it. I guess it's still kind of true.
Somehow, when I am meditating regularly, I let go of things easier. Negative aspects of my marriage don't seem to get to me and don't seem to need to be changed or fixed. Money issues. I'm less attached to needing a sense of financial security. I don't complain every time my wife wants to take a trip or spend needlessly. I'm less anxious about the future, I'm less depressed about the past, and the present doesn't seem that bad.
A lot of it has to do with compassion and loving-kindness for others and myself. I'm less selfish and less likely to slip into woe is me thinking and complaining. I maintain a sense of gratitude for what is right with my life and the world and think less about what I want to change. At the same time I'm following through with medical issues I've tried to ignore for years. That colonoscopy. Scheduled. That skin lesion. Biopsy next week. That brain MRI to try to figure out why I was hallucinating so vividly. Done. My brain is fine and I haven't hallucinated since August. I'm just taking care of this stuff because I should, not because I'm anxious about it.
Some of it, though, is external. I have a new job and I like the people I work with. That in itself is huge. People treat me with respect. I'm probably a lot more pleasant to be around. And my marriage seems better. Less conflict. More warmth.
Enough babbling. I'm going to play some music with a friend. I can still rock out. One goal for 2015 is to go to some kind of retreat. And rock out more.
The mind, though, is making real progress. One of the things about regular meditation is it seems to free me from attachments that bring me down. Like believing I'm too young to be falling apart, or like I'm not the man I used to be, kind of crap. I joked with my wife during a low point of frustration that I sometimes feel like I meditate to try to convince myself I'm okay with my sorry fate. It was kind of true when I said it. I guess it's still kind of true.
Somehow, when I am meditating regularly, I let go of things easier. Negative aspects of my marriage don't seem to get to me and don't seem to need to be changed or fixed. Money issues. I'm less attached to needing a sense of financial security. I don't complain every time my wife wants to take a trip or spend needlessly. I'm less anxious about the future, I'm less depressed about the past, and the present doesn't seem that bad.
A lot of it has to do with compassion and loving-kindness for others and myself. I'm less selfish and less likely to slip into woe is me thinking and complaining. I maintain a sense of gratitude for what is right with my life and the world and think less about what I want to change. At the same time I'm following through with medical issues I've tried to ignore for years. That colonoscopy. Scheduled. That skin lesion. Biopsy next week. That brain MRI to try to figure out why I was hallucinating so vividly. Done. My brain is fine and I haven't hallucinated since August. I'm just taking care of this stuff because I should, not because I'm anxious about it.
Some of it, though, is external. I have a new job and I like the people I work with. That in itself is huge. People treat me with respect. I'm probably a lot more pleasant to be around. And my marriage seems better. Less conflict. More warmth.
Enough babbling. I'm going to play some music with a friend. I can still rock out. One goal for 2015 is to go to some kind of retreat. And rock out more.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,358
Nice job, zero. So true that meditatation and alcohol don't really mix. I tried to combine the two the last couple of years. Meditation in the morning, wine at night. I would watch my thoughts during my morning sit about how the wine was such a problem for me. I would use meditation to not be so judgmental about my addiction! At any rate, it is the meditation that won out.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 462
Thanks so much for your post. Are there any good books about Buddhism? I feel like it is my mindset as well? Do you think guided medications work too? Any suggested ones? I do some I find in utube and feel it helps but sometimes I fall asleep.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Western NY
Posts: 125
Meditation and Buddhist principles have changed my life. I'm fortunate to have a beautiful Zen Retreat Center a couple of miles away.
When I quit drinking this time, two months ago, I was drinking less than in previous periods, as I too, found drinking to be less and less compatible with a regular mediation practice, and the Buddhist precepts.
Like many disciplines used here by others, I know it's not for everyone. But I think it's worth a try, as another potential tool in the sobriety kit. It seems to fit right in with the recovering alcoholic tendency to strive for a disciplined and structured lifestyle after the chaos of drinking.
Great job at the near one year mark, Zero!
Earlyriser
When I quit drinking this time, two months ago, I was drinking less than in previous periods, as I too, found drinking to be less and less compatible with a regular mediation practice, and the Buddhist precepts.
Like many disciplines used here by others, I know it's not for everyone. But I think it's worth a try, as another potential tool in the sobriety kit. It seems to fit right in with the recovering alcoholic tendency to strive for a disciplined and structured lifestyle after the chaos of drinking.
Great job at the near one year mark, Zero!
Earlyriser
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