ItsJustMe89

I know that somewhere in the AA literature it talks about working with newcomers who don't seem to get it or don't seem to be taking it to heart and getting better. And it tells them that at a certain point they should cut those people loose and move on to working with someone who is serious about doing what it takes to stay sober. And helping someone who wants to be helped. I WANT to be helped. But I have been struggling and failing. And Im scared that either my sponsor, or another AA member who I very much value their help, are going to give up on me and move on to working with someone else who might be easier to work with or more open or willing. I need both of these people badly. I need both of their support and help. And Im so scared that one, or both, will move on to work with someone else who they think is more willing and ready. I live in so much fear. And I need these people to believe in me.

Dee74

This seems to be a continuing worry for you Its.
Can you see how you're feeding this abandonment worry by drinking?

The truth is yes, if you continue to drink, people may get to a point where they feel they cannot help you anymore - but you can always help yourself by not getting to that point.

The important thing here - the vital thing - is you never giving up on yourself.

Give your recovery all you have, and you'll never have to worry about anyone walking away

D

afloatsober

If you are as genuine about wanting it as comes across in your post then you won't be abandoned. An old saying in AA 'we don't shoot our wounded' has applied to me in the past. I wanted sobriety for many years but struggled to remain sober until I did...
I think the book is talking about those that really still want to drink but just don't want the consequences.
If you are genuine in your desire and are prepared to go to any lengths to get well (including the steps) then you will be supported and guided IME.
Don't forget that the only requirement is a desire to stop.
And above all, NEVER give up on yourself.
Keep moving forward and helping others to help you.
G

ItsJustMe89

Thank you Dee, you are right. It is in my power to make the right choices so these people don't stop believing in me. I really want to turn things around. I don't know if I will be able to if these people give up on helping me. I need them. But you are right, it is my own choices that will determine if these people stay or leave me.

Dee74

Believe in yourself.

Supports important... but success lies with you and your commitment.

Give this everything you have - you'll win

D

MythOfSisyphus

Just don't let you give up on your, ItsJustMe89. You can do this!

Magellan

ITS - glad you came back, don't give up on yourself, nothing worth attaining is ever easy. I guess that is what makes success so great.
You can do this, you may fall but you always need to get back up again just like you are doing now. If you don't give up on yourself others won't.
Smile and have a great day

MIRecovery

It is what we do that makes a difference not what we say. You have identified that you need to be more open and willing. These are both within your control

Soberwolf

Good luck i completly agree with D never give up on you ijm

You can do it

24hrsAday

^ i agree 100% with this.. stick with the Winners. i watch out for the people who are playing "games" who really Do NOT want to be Clean/Sober and those are the ones i shy away from.. because i must.

totfit

I don't know where in the literature it says anything about abandoning anyone. Read it and see. The important thing is that you believe in yourself. It doesn't matter what anyone else believes. Their opinions or beliefs will not help you get sober, but yours are critical. You are only a victim of your own creation and not from others thoughts or beliefs.

2muchpain

I wonder how the people in AA know who the "winners" are. I've seen people get a sponsor and work the steps and still go back out and drink again. Some of these people with many years of sobriety. Then I've seen people that don't work the program, yet remain sober.
Is a person still considered a winner if they do everything they are suppose to do, but still has a problem not drinking? And who decides that?
For me, I have to believe I'm a winner no matter what anyone else thinks. Relying on other peoples' opinions as to whether I am a winner is just setting myself up to fail, since peoples' attitudes change all the time.

biminiblue

I think the book refers to someone who doesn't want help. As long as someone is going to meetings, has a sponsor and isn't drinking, I don't think that there is anything to worry about. Even relapse doesn't cause abandonment. Please try to relax. Even if a sponsor decided for whatever reason not to continue sponsoring, there are 200 more where that one came from. If success is desired, there is no end of help in AA.

Future tripping is agonizing in my experience.

Ruby2

I've had sponsors. I've not worked the steps. They eventually gave up on me. But it was wholly within my control to have that not happen. I didn't call. I avoided meeting with them citing "child care issues." They are still there if I call but they don't go out of their way to call me. Most likely no one eill abandon you if you are sincerely, honestly trying. Sponsors and others in AA are human. No one likes to be taken advantage of by putting in the time and effort with someone who is just going thru the motions. I am not saying thay is what you are doing. It is what I did. I had to at least meet them half way and I didn't. Put in your time and make some effort. Follow your sponsors suggestions. Dob't drink because of your fear. Just don't. In the beginning we are all hyper sensitive. Our little voice wants us to drink over things. Big, small, real or imagined. Don't listen.

least

Show them you mean business. Stay sober.

Carlotta

Most sponsors will not fire you (unless you do something really messed up to them) but will not chase you around either or put up with drunken phone calls or drama and self pitying tears filled drivel.
My sponsee chose not to work the steps, not to go to meetings and went out to get high and loaded. She knows that I am a phone call away if she decides to stop the madness and follow some basic suggestions. Until then, there is nothing I can do for her. I cannot help someone who will not help themselves.