NightNDay

My family hosts a large Thanksgiving celebration every year. This is always a huge stressor for me. We have a lot of in-fighting in our family and a lot of drama and strained relationships. (I'm sure these are not unique things.)

I am thinking about skipping it this year. I am not even 30 days into my sobriety, and I don't honestly feel like I can handle this. I know we need to face our realities and problems, but there are a lot of toxic situations in that house, and there will be heavy drinking taking place all weekend long.

I've thought about telling my mom, "I'm honestly not ready for this at this point in my recovery." I imagine this well not be well received, as she has traditionally not been very understanding or supportive of me going to meetings, etc. Additionally, she will probably feel like I am bailing on the family.

Is it a foolish decision to skip something like this? I don't want to avoid reality or dodge confrontations, and I know I can't do this forever. But my sobriety feels very fragile right now, and I don't know that I can handle this Thanksgiving family weekend. (There's always Christmas.)

Advice greatly appreciated.

ccam1973

NightnDay, skipping the family celebration is not foolish at all. I think it is actually very strong on your part. I wasn't that strong last year and paid for it well into 2014...

My feeling is to do what ever it takes to be successful in your fight against this addiction. If that means skipping the party, then so be it. You will be much happier if you stay sober than if you give in...

Best of luck and stay strong!

Kris47

The most important thing is your sobriety, for now. If you know this holiday at home will threaten that, do not go. Simple as that. I know holidays can be hard especially when saying no, but this is your life. Let them know that you love them and will hopefully see them at Christmas. If they love you, they will at least try to understand. Give yourself this time for now. See how you are feeling as Christmas approaches.
Congrats on almost 30 days! That is a huge accomplishment. Keep moving forward. Pray to God.

Hawk07

I'm in a similar boat. I'm just under 30 days sober and facing a huge family Thanksgiving dinner. My mother passed back in 2010, father remarried and his current wife has a HUGE family. Something I'm still not used to and don't know if I ever will be. Oh and there will be lots of drinking of course.
I think protecting your sobriety is most important. I'm thinking of possibly setting a time limit, such as letting them know in advance I can only stay one hour.... Or skipping it altogether. I haven't decided yet. If I feel like it would be any threat to maintaining my sobriety, I'm skipping it and you should too. Do you have any friends you could spend thanksgiving with instead? Friends that know you are not drinking or who don't drink themselves?

Soberwolf

Not foolish at all your sobriety comes first your making a wise decision if you dont feel up to it do nnot go

keep building them sober muscles thats what i done

Anna

Nightnday, making a choice to skip an emotional get-together in early recovery is such a good thing to do. It shows that you know how to make the tough choices to keep you focused and safe in your recovery. Of course, you won't stay away from these things forever, but for now, you're on the right track.

Fly N Buy

I have heard from others who have been through this that skipping it is probably best. I too will be a newbie during holiday's. But, having a plan and sticking with it should prevent any issues.

Looking forward to waking up Christmas day sober!!!!

Good for you to ask! It will be very popular topic over next several weeks.......

Maybe one of our more tenured friends might like to start a thread about this very issue!?!?

FlyN

hopeful4

Congrats on your sober time!!! Nothing is worth more than that. I think if you want to bow out it's admirable of you to keep your priorities in line and realize your sobriety and wellbeing have to be #1.

Good for you!

SoberLeigh

I agree that skipping the Thanksgiving festivities would be a wise decision, NightNDay.

Maybe you could send a Thanksgiving bouquet or drop off some pies to your Mom the day before Thanksgiving so your family knows that you are thinking of them.

FreeOwl

so, cutting out the extraneous details...

1) you clearly know what is right for you and for your recovery.
2) either way, there will be stress

.....

FreeOwl

No.

It is often one of the wisest things to do, with something like this....

Chrysalides

I'm in a similar situation, except for me it is Christmas. I don't think skipping is at all inappropriate. You have to care for yourself first. My plan is to go but to only stay for as long as I am comfortable (which may only be a few minutes!). If I was faced with a family gathering for next week (Thanksgiving) I would probably not go at all.

least

If you feel it would be a threat to your sobriety, by all means, skip it this year. There will be other years when you're more established in sobriety. Skip it this year.