LightInside

What do you all think of this? My ex just got a bunch of cold weather gear for DS. He gave it to him at the last visit (yesterday). I was taking stuff out of the basket he had it in and found a price tag for the coat ($100) and an anti-theft device that had been cut (wire cable kind). There's no way to prove anything, but I think he stole the coat. It's not going to change anything for me to bring it up with him, but I don't really want to dress DS in a stolen coat. I already bought a puffy coat that DS doesn't like as much anyway. Looking for ideas of what

LightInside

I feel like doing nothing would be sort of enabling or denying/ignoring reality.

hopeful4

Wow, that is a tough one Light. I wish I knew the answer, and maybe someone else has been in this situation. I just wanted to let you know I am here, reading this, supporting you!

Tight Hugs!

ladyscribbler

Hmmm. Can you go to the store and explain what happened and offer to pay for it? Return the coat you bought and use the money to pay for the other coat? Then it would be up to the store whether to press charges against your ex.
Not sure what to tell your son. On one hand not wanting to badmouth the ex, on the other hand, not wanting to condone or enable illegal behavior.

hopeful4

I have an idea Light. Can you tell your DS about there being so many children in need of coats and since he already has one, wouldn't it be a great idea to donate it to a coat drive?? That way he would be in the mind set of helping someone else while not actually wearing what you suspect to be stolen goods?

Just a thought.....

Thumper

If you feel like something must be done - I'd simply give it back to the ex and say the anti-theft device is still on it and I won't accept stolen goods. The end. It is not your problem to deal with returning it or paying for it etc. If your son is old enough to understand you can tell him you thought it was stolen and why and that you can't accept stolen things. Alternatively you can just tell him you returned it to his dad since he already has a coat and I also like the above donation idea.

That is what I'd do. I suspect there is more than one acceptable answer. Sorry you are in such a predicament.

ETA: I might also just pretend I didn't see it and only deal with it (like above) if it happened again. That is probably less acceptable but more truthful

LexieCat

You don't know it was stolen. I've brought home clothing where the device was still attached and had to bring it back for them to remove it.

Does he habitually steal? If not, I'd forget about it.

hopeful4

I too have brought home clothes with the tag attached to it, so very annoying! Last time it happened I had bought a sweater for my daughter about 2 hours away from me. Luckily my sister lives there, so I was able to send her the receipt and sweater so she could have it removed.

However, most people who honestly bought it would just take it back with the receipt, not try to cut it off. However, men are different about such things.

dandylion

I'm going to go out on a limb, here. There is no way you are going to "prove" anything--even if you are completely right.
If I were in your shoes....and I was absolutely sure that you son didn't know that it was stolen....I would leave well-enough alone. No use pulling a k id into complex adult issues.
If his dad is a thief...let him find out on his own. He will, eventually if this is his dad's lifestyle.

After having said this....I would privately kick his dad's ass!!!!!!!!!!

This is my honest reaction...I know that some people will violently disagree with me.

His dad has put you in a really awkward situation, for sure.

dandylion

LexieCat

I have to confess I'm a little confused about something. If it WERE stolen, and he cut off the cable, how is the cable still attached? How do you know it was cut off? It seems to me that if he cut it off, it's a simple matter to remove the remainder, isn't it?

ladyscribbler

My dad was a thief. He never stole from a business as far as I know, but he did take birthday and Christmas money from me and my brother to finance his flashy white trash lifestyle with my stepmom- vodka, Slim Fast and a new Cadillac every 18 months for her. One time they had a car payment due and took us down to the bank to cash in some savings bonds that hadn't even matured, insisting that he was going to put the money into our savings accounts (which he stole later anyway).
I am probably triggering more than is healthy on this thread, and I know my suggestion is a huge hassle and potential drama factory, but one thing I cannot abide is a pos thief.

LightInside

Ex has definitely shoplifted and told me about it while we were together. [I used to steal habitually, but X knows I haven't done this in years and that I'm against it now.] I was thinking of not saying a word, but sending the coat back with some other things that belong to ex and leaving the tag and anti-theft device in plain sight. That way, he can bring it up if he wants. He's definitely a habitual liar though, so I don't really see him responding in any way except for silence or lies.

I have definitely not ruled out the possibility that the device was on another item or that it was left on by the store clerks.

DS is only 2.5 and I'm not going to say a word about it to him. I do worry a little about X teaching this crap to DS when he's older, but that's future tripping and I can't discount the influence I'll have on him.

biminiblue

I've brought home stuff and the device was still on. Kind of defeats the purpose if I can get it all the way home and it doesn't "alert" the store.

I cut one off once, got black ink all over my vacation dress. I was not a happy camper. I ended up doing an alteration to get rid of it and took it on vacation anyway. I didn't even discover it until I was packing to go on the trip the next day.

LightInside

Clarification: The A-T device was NOT still attached. It was just sitting there. I'm just going by X's thieving pattern. He definitely stole when we were together. I also found other people's debit/credit cards in his things, back when I used to look for bottles & pipes.

SparkleKitty

Based on what is known vs. what is suspected, I would just ask myself if I felt good about keeping the item. If it didn't feel right, and if every time you helped your son put the coat you were going to the feel the guilt of someone else's suspected crime, then give it back to him.

And if you do, you don't owe him any explanation of why you're giving it back. If he's a habitual thief you're not going to change his ways by letting him know you think he stole it, and it will catch up with him eventually without your participation.

Refiner

Then it's doubtful it's stolen. I would think the goal if stealing is to leave the anti-theft device IN the store so it won't alert that it's being stolen when leaving the store.

Carlotta

double post

Carlotta

Like others, I have bought items and the clerk forgot to take the device off before. One time it even started beeping when I left the store (speak of embarrassing)
I took it back to have it open but I am female, guys look at that type of stuff differently and I could see a number of my male friends popping it open rather than returning it.

If you are 100% sure that it is stolen, give it back to him and tell him that you do not allow stolen goods in your home.

LexieCat

If it's that troubling, I would go the donation route. You aren't keeping something you're uncomfortable about, but you don't have to go through an awkward return of the coat to him (with the spoken or unspoken accusation hanging in the air). And your son is too young to understand or care or be adversely influenced. Simple.

dandylion

Lightinside.....I would just like to add that I didn't know that your son was this young. I assumed that he was older and delighted by the nice gift from his dad.

I think his young age should make your options a lot easier.

dandylion