Keeping it Simple
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 923
Keeping it Simple
Just for today I can:
1. Read my naranon book
2. Remember that I matter in this world and I am working to know it more
3. Call the bank to access unemployment card and unemployment funds
4. Know that I can pay the rent for December with the unemployment
5. Know that husband is returning home after 7 months in a foreign country...he has not asked me for money and finished his job there
6. Know that the time alone has given me a lot of thinking and awareness time and be grateful
7. Know that there have been significant emotions/feelings and that I have somehow managed to get through thanks to God (my HP)
8. Reading the bible as daily as possible
9. Group Leader/Moderator on Parents of Addicts site
10. Joined The Addict's Mom
11. Started to go to naranon face to face meetings
12. Seeing therapist regularly
13. Got resume together and posted to internet (search firms followed up with me and I had a few interviews (phone, in person)--backed out of a job that my body (where I express my feelings) told me it wasn't the right thing to do at that time
14. Stayed in touch with husband by phone (he is saving money and it is cheaper to call from here)
15. Got more active on SoberRecovery and realized that there are more things that need sorting out...asking GOD to help me with that. I can relate to so much on the site...but still feel the 'fear' from childhood of saying or doing the wrong thing...so am just working through the fear barrier and posting and letting go...or when supported...getting back with thanks and affirmation as best I can--just seems like that is what I can do now.
16. Called brother ahead of time to see if it was a good idea to go to his daughter's wedding...as mother cut me off and over time...it has gotten very distanced (I am perceived as the one with the problems...and family of origin stood up for me...but ultimately chose to be 'cared about' by mother)--felt the sadness but also realized that I took a good step in understanding that I was not welcome and I sent a gift with my youngest son as well as leaving a message of blessing before the wedding for my brother and sending the newlyweds congrats yesterday. Realized that checking in with people before hand will keep me from impulsively 'going' to family events where I am not welcome or perceived as the issue...and that I can make new friends and find people who are able to be in a friend relationship with me without continuing to hold on to a possibly loving past that is not remembered by anyone but me.
17. Worked with doctor to re-evaluate meds.
18. Confronting increased acknowledgement and awareness of my fear of abandonment and praying for next steps.
19. Allowing adult children to have their own opinions and praying for things to say when I am not there emotionally or just listening like...I'm sorry to hear that...or Interesting...or some other neutral thing with a caring face...working to put duct tape on and not to beat myself up when it slips (so often)
20. Helping out with grandson (as I am not working) to help daughter with night shift but also making it clear that I can't do that when I am working...which was a new boundary in June with her and her sister...and they don't like it...but I can't solve that.
21. Becoming so very very aware that most people don't remember what they have said to another...I have, over the years in recovery become more sensitive to the 'truths' of others, apologizing when I know it was true, and have always been an encourager and lifter of spirits for others...but realizing that I need to do more for me...and that, most days, seems impossible.
Yet...I read the things above...and although they are not what I would normally consider to be success...I am going to call them progress...and be content.
1. Read my naranon book
2. Remember that I matter in this world and I am working to know it more
3. Call the bank to access unemployment card and unemployment funds
4. Know that I can pay the rent for December with the unemployment
5. Know that husband is returning home after 7 months in a foreign country...he has not asked me for money and finished his job there
6. Know that the time alone has given me a lot of thinking and awareness time and be grateful
7. Know that there have been significant emotions/feelings and that I have somehow managed to get through thanks to God (my HP)
8. Reading the bible as daily as possible
9. Group Leader/Moderator on Parents of Addicts site
10. Joined The Addict's Mom
11. Started to go to naranon face to face meetings
12. Seeing therapist regularly
13. Got resume together and posted to internet (search firms followed up with me and I had a few interviews (phone, in person)--backed out of a job that my body (where I express my feelings) told me it wasn't the right thing to do at that time
14. Stayed in touch with husband by phone (he is saving money and it is cheaper to call from here)
15. Got more active on SoberRecovery and realized that there are more things that need sorting out...asking GOD to help me with that. I can relate to so much on the site...but still feel the 'fear' from childhood of saying or doing the wrong thing...so am just working through the fear barrier and posting and letting go...or when supported...getting back with thanks and affirmation as best I can--just seems like that is what I can do now.
16. Called brother ahead of time to see if it was a good idea to go to his daughter's wedding...as mother cut me off and over time...it has gotten very distanced (I am perceived as the one with the problems...and family of origin stood up for me...but ultimately chose to be 'cared about' by mother)--felt the sadness but also realized that I took a good step in understanding that I was not welcome and I sent a gift with my youngest son as well as leaving a message of blessing before the wedding for my brother and sending the newlyweds congrats yesterday. Realized that checking in with people before hand will keep me from impulsively 'going' to family events where I am not welcome or perceived as the issue...and that I can make new friends and find people who are able to be in a friend relationship with me without continuing to hold on to a possibly loving past that is not remembered by anyone but me.
17. Worked with doctor to re-evaluate meds.
18. Confronting increased acknowledgement and awareness of my fear of abandonment and praying for next steps.
19. Allowing adult children to have their own opinions and praying for things to say when I am not there emotionally or just listening like...I'm sorry to hear that...or Interesting...or some other neutral thing with a caring face...working to put duct tape on and not to beat myself up when it slips (so often)
20. Helping out with grandson (as I am not working) to help daughter with night shift but also making it clear that I can't do that when I am working...which was a new boundary in June with her and her sister...and they don't like it...but I can't solve that.
21. Becoming so very very aware that most people don't remember what they have said to another...I have, over the years in recovery become more sensitive to the 'truths' of others, apologizing when I know it was true, and have always been an encourager and lifter of spirits for others...but realizing that I need to do more for me...and that, most days, seems impossible.
Yet...I read the things above...and although they are not what I would normally consider to be success...I am going to call them progress...and be content.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 923
Ah...letting the AD stay in no contact...although there were two indirect contacts...went to her transient hotel a few weeks ago and checked--they said she is not there--confirmed for me she had been alive 3-4 days earlier.
Then, bf contacted me through a wonderful Christian woman last week (Christianity has been her recovery) and said that he had accepted Jesus Christ and wanted to know if he could write to me and wanted to know about my daughter (which I knew nothing anyway), but given that we connected last year when he was out of jail and he told me where to look for her (they travel between San Diego (his home city) and San Francisco (her home city)--and then connected through her again...and asked to be in contact...I said no...because he will be released from jail in December (he went in end of June which I only learned a week ago) but I know he will manipulate again and they have never done any recovery work to speak of. So finally said no. I am such a yes person...but it will not help anyone, especially me.
Then, bf contacted me through a wonderful Christian woman last week (Christianity has been her recovery) and said that he had accepted Jesus Christ and wanted to know if he could write to me and wanted to know about my daughter (which I knew nothing anyway), but given that we connected last year when he was out of jail and he told me where to look for her (they travel between San Diego (his home city) and San Francisco (her home city)--and then connected through her again...and asked to be in contact...I said no...because he will be released from jail in December (he went in end of June which I only learned a week ago) but I know he will manipulate again and they have never done any recovery work to speak of. So finally said no. I am such a yes person...but it will not help anyone, especially me.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
iris, not to be insensitive but a list with 21 items is NOT keeping is SIMPLE.
Simple lists might be:
Suit Up, Show Up
eat, pray, love
stay sober, trust god, clean house
give thanks, help others
or perhaps one or all of the lines below from NA, borrowed and modified to suit:
Tell yourself:
Just for today my thoughts will be on my recovery, living and enjoying life
without the use of drugs.
Just for today I will have faith in someone in NA who believes in me
and wants to help me in my recovery.
Just for today I will have a program. I will try to follow it to the best of my ability.
Just for today, through NA, I will try to get a better perspective on my life.
Just for today I will be unafraid, my thoughts will be on my new associations,
people who are not using and who have found a new way of life.
So long as I follow that way, I have nothing to fear.
Simple lists might be:
Suit Up, Show Up
eat, pray, love
stay sober, trust god, clean house
give thanks, help others
or perhaps one or all of the lines below from NA, borrowed and modified to suit:
Tell yourself:
Just for today my thoughts will be on my recovery, living and enjoying life
without the use of drugs.
Just for today I will have faith in someone in NA who believes in me
and wants to help me in my recovery.
Just for today I will have a program. I will try to follow it to the best of my ability.
Just for today, through NA, I will try to get a better perspective on my life.
Just for today I will be unafraid, my thoughts will be on my new associations,
people who are not using and who have found a new way of life.
So long as I follow that way, I have nothing to fear.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Thanks for sharing Iris, your feelings are welcomed here.
I thought I noticed a nice tone of self confidence in your post. You are doing great!
I was thinking of you today, and hoping things are improving, and it looks like you are doing good things for yourself
I thought I noticed a nice tone of self confidence in your post. You are doing great!
I was thinking of you today, and hoping things are improving, and it looks like you are doing good things for yourself
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 923
At the risk of only finding myself funny--I tend to write lists for 'today' and then they get accomplished in seemingly their own order and when I have energy!
Thanks all...I am dealing with what I can and doing my best.
Thanks all...I am dealing with what I can and doing my best.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: WI
Posts: 240
Iris if it's any reassurance, I list everything like that too. Lol Just make sure you break it up into smaller pieces and everyday you get something done, cross it off. It the small successes that add up so it makes you feel like you accomplished something everyday. Some of your items sound broader, like affirmations. List those separately and post it somewhere you can see it everyday as a reminder maybe. Others sound like "to do's". Pick one or two per day or every few days and write them in your calendar so you know what your tackling that day. Some it sounds like you've already completed them. Move those over to successfully accomplished. I have a tendency to overwhelm myself too like Anvil said so that's how I accomplish simplifying and feeling like I'm actually meeting my goals. But I'm glad to see that what you wrote reflects your desire to really nuture yourself. Good stuff!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I just love your list, Iris...but I confess, like Anvil I got to about item 10 and thought "oh lordy, this woman is superwoman". 
It's a wonderful list, and it would still be keeping it simple of it lasted for a month.
I love enthusiasm, it shows joy in living.
Hugs
It's a wonderful list, and it would still be keeping it simple of it lasted for a month.
I love enthusiasm, it shows joy in living.
Hugs
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