Two days away from 90 and reaching out
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,358
Two days away from 90 and reaching out
What is it about almost 90 days and having cravings? I remember reading about that on SR and that it is common (at least I think I read that it is common). I haven't been posting as much in the last week or so and haven't been on SR for several days. It's as if I thought "Oh, I GOT this!". But, obviously I don't.
Some wise words would help.
Some wise words would help.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,391
Hi inchworm
I think anniversaries can trip is up a bit. I dunno if it's thinking about forever or what...maybe our addictive self gets a little more frantic as it's losing traction? who knows?
The main thing to remember is - we can think what we like...it's how we respond that counts.
Keep doing what you've been doing now for 3 months...Don't listen to anything that suggests that drinking again is a good idea - it's not
I think anniversaries can trip is up a bit. I dunno if it's thinking about forever or what...maybe our addictive self gets a little more frantic as it's losing traction? who knows?
The main thing to remember is - we can think what we like...it's how we respond that counts.
Keep doing what you've been doing now for 3 months...Don't listen to anything that suggests that drinking again is a good idea - it's not
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Inchworm - I remember reading that anniversaries can be hard, at least the first several, around here. Like Dee, I don't know the reason. For me, just knowing others went through it was a big help for me.
I clung to SR and the great people here through all my anniversaries. Yes, the cravings seemed worse, at least for the first year, but knowing to expect it was a huge help to me. Something about knowing others felt the same way, yet got through it helped me tremendously. I hope it helps you, too
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I clung to SR and the great people here through all my anniversaries. Yes, the cravings seemed worse, at least for the first year, but knowing to expect it was a huge help to me. Something about knowing others felt the same way, yet got through it helped me tremendously. I hope it helps you, too
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: New Orleans, LA
Posts: 985
Inchworm,
I just celebrated my 90 last Thursday. My theory about the 90 - in AA at least, 90 days is a significant milestone, as folks are suggested to do 90 meetings in 90 days, you stop being a "newcomer" at 90 days. And that - for me - feels like you're out of "sobriety childhood" & moving on to the lifetime, the adult...
For me, I gave myself all kinds of nurturing within the "first 90 days" - it was ok to: eat sugar, watch lots of movies, not undertake a challenging exercise regime, not tidy that pile of junk near the front door, etc. - because I was "in my first 90 days & only had to get sober, go to meetings, & make it through work. I basically dropped all my self-expectations & now will have to pick them all back up...
So, as I realized this through the week, I decided not to allow the 90 day mark to become this wall between self-caring & hyper-responsibility. Because the best way I know to evade hyper-responsibility is to drink...and I an positive that I can cone up with a more creative response!
So, I'm trying to take my post-90 on with a different mindset. I was here last year & relapsed at 6 months...
I also started chemo this week, and haven't really told anyone in my world. I am secretive about vulnerabilities. I'm doing ok with side effects, but am profoundly tired. I am still working, but realize that other than that I really have to pace myself. I cut out early last night on dinner at my friends house - made it through supper, but didn't stay late to be social. I was afraid I'd get too sleepy on the long drive home. So, the nurturing & listening to my body of early sobriety will serve me well as I move through this experience. I got a new little puppy too, & observing him as he balances his body's need for movement with collapsing into sudden naps is teaching me a lot! When in doubt, I think - what would my puppy do?
I just celebrated my 90 last Thursday. My theory about the 90 - in AA at least, 90 days is a significant milestone, as folks are suggested to do 90 meetings in 90 days, you stop being a "newcomer" at 90 days. And that - for me - feels like you're out of "sobriety childhood" & moving on to the lifetime, the adult...
For me, I gave myself all kinds of nurturing within the "first 90 days" - it was ok to: eat sugar, watch lots of movies, not undertake a challenging exercise regime, not tidy that pile of junk near the front door, etc. - because I was "in my first 90 days & only had to get sober, go to meetings, & make it through work. I basically dropped all my self-expectations & now will have to pick them all back up...
So, as I realized this through the week, I decided not to allow the 90 day mark to become this wall between self-caring & hyper-responsibility. Because the best way I know to evade hyper-responsibility is to drink...and I an positive that I can cone up with a more creative response!
So, I'm trying to take my post-90 on with a different mindset. I was here last year & relapsed at 6 months...
I also started chemo this week, and haven't really told anyone in my world. I am secretive about vulnerabilities. I'm doing ok with side effects, but am profoundly tired. I am still working, but realize that other than that I really have to pace myself. I cut out early last night on dinner at my friends house - made it through supper, but didn't stay late to be social. I was afraid I'd get too sleepy on the long drive home. So, the nurturing & listening to my body of early sobriety will serve me well as I move through this experience. I got a new little puppy too, & observing him as he balances his body's need for movement with collapsing into sudden naps is teaching me a lot! When in doubt, I think - what would my puppy do?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
yep... I remember that.
And those times come and go. Like the tides or the winds or the sun or the rain or night or day.
They come and go, come and go.
Over time, they have seemed to come less and leave sooner.
Around 90 it helped me to keep reflecting on the positives, to keep getting exercise, to keep focused on the reasons that I love sobriety and to see my thoughts of drinking as what they were; just thoughts.
It also helped to limit the time I spent around drinking-centric activities and events. It does get easier. It never really seems to 'go away'. So just accepting it for what it is seems to let it pass more easily.
Even just tonight, I had some minor struggles. We went to dinner at my Lady's parents' house. They gave her a bottle of a special liquor and they had wine as usual. As her father had some liquor after dinner I found myself envisioning being a "only on special occasions" drinker.
How absurd!! Nearly eleven months sobriety and cherishing it.... yet these thoughts and images pop up. I observed the thought, the emotion under it was a discomfort. It was a feeling of somehow being lesser-than. Of not being 'able' to drink with others. Probably a silly feeling of inadequacy in the presence of the father of the lady I love.... observing it and just letting it be there let me just move on, remembering that I choose sobriety for myself and for my own joyous reasons. I didn't try to run from the feeling or the thought, and the specter of it still hangs with me a little as I type this.
But I won't act on it or let it take root as a nagging craving. I choose sobriety and in sobriety I will have these thoughts and feelings. When I do, I will read my Big Book as I'm going to do after typing this. I will remind myself of why I choose sobriety; for the deeper, richer life it affords me. I will remind myself that even if I COULD be 'just a special occasion drinker' - I don't really want or need to. What's the point? I enjoy special occasions for their specialness alone. I don't need to use toxic liquids to enhance that specialness.
Hang in there.... these feelings and thoughts are just that. They pass. And when they do you will feel a deepening of your sobriety each time.
And those times come and go. Like the tides or the winds or the sun or the rain or night or day.
They come and go, come and go.
Over time, they have seemed to come less and leave sooner.
Around 90 it helped me to keep reflecting on the positives, to keep getting exercise, to keep focused on the reasons that I love sobriety and to see my thoughts of drinking as what they were; just thoughts.
It also helped to limit the time I spent around drinking-centric activities and events. It does get easier. It never really seems to 'go away'. So just accepting it for what it is seems to let it pass more easily.
Even just tonight, I had some minor struggles. We went to dinner at my Lady's parents' house. They gave her a bottle of a special liquor and they had wine as usual. As her father had some liquor after dinner I found myself envisioning being a "only on special occasions" drinker.
How absurd!! Nearly eleven months sobriety and cherishing it.... yet these thoughts and images pop up. I observed the thought, the emotion under it was a discomfort. It was a feeling of somehow being lesser-than. Of not being 'able' to drink with others. Probably a silly feeling of inadequacy in the presence of the father of the lady I love.... observing it and just letting it be there let me just move on, remembering that I choose sobriety for myself and for my own joyous reasons. I didn't try to run from the feeling or the thought, and the specter of it still hangs with me a little as I type this.
But I won't act on it or let it take root as a nagging craving. I choose sobriety and in sobriety I will have these thoughts and feelings. When I do, I will read my Big Book as I'm going to do after typing this. I will remind myself of why I choose sobriety; for the deeper, richer life it affords me. I will remind myself that even if I COULD be 'just a special occasion drinker' - I don't really want or need to. What's the point? I enjoy special occasions for their specialness alone. I don't need to use toxic liquids to enhance that specialness.
Hang in there.... these feelings and thoughts are just that. They pass. And when they do you will feel a deepening of your sobriety each time.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,358
As Dee said "losing traction". Yesterday we went to the art museum to check out an exhibit and I found myself thinking how cozy, how nice it would be to have "a little" wine with my honey in a warm place. It started then, I think, because I didn't talk back enough. And then today it is really cold outside so I sat inside and worked on knitting project. I "treated" myself to a day of laziness by the wood stove. And really began to think about tossing back some wine again. I haven't been sober in the winter for - oh, just about ages.
Thank you for reminding me of my choice for freedom. Ooooh, that AV is tricky.
Heartcore, thank you. Taking care of ourselves is not over just because we've made it to 90 days, is it.
Thank you for reminding me of my choice for freedom. Ooooh, that AV is tricky.
Heartcore, thank you. Taking care of ourselves is not over just because we've made it to 90 days, is it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,859
(((heartcore))). I am very sorry to hear of your new challenge.
If and when you need to ask for help, you may be surprised to find that many people are truly grateful to be able to help; it is therapeutic for them to help you work through your illness.
Sending positive thoughts and prayers your way.
If and when you need to ask for help, you may be surprised to find that many people are truly grateful to be able to help; it is therapeutic for them to help you work through your illness.
Sending positive thoughts and prayers your way.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Canada
Posts: 374
Congrats on almost hitting 90 ! I am not there yet...but like the others, am having cravings as well. Must be something in the air...this time of year...I dunno. I am just a ball of nerves right now and wish for some wine to relax.
learning to live
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,665
Hey Inch.
I get this. I relapsed at 97 days and had NO IDEA what went wrong then. Now I do.
At that time I knew I couldn't drink and I knew every time I drank I was miserable. I remembered that was why I stopped drinking. But, the one simple thing that was missing was ACCEPTING I could not drink safely, ever again...like whole heartedly accepting that fact. I know that sounds so dumb but I always "thought" I accepted that in the past....and maybe I did but it was full of resentment which was ONLY hurting my recovery. Hence, my relapse. It was destined to happen.
About a month before my relapse I moved to a new area and was living in a situation where daily drinking was taking place every day around me. I took my mind off recovery. I got real resentful with thoughts like...."why cant I just drink like that" "its not fair" poor me" blah blah blah. Well looking back I hadn't really accepted that I just can not drink, EVER AGAIN! I should have ran with open arms to whatever support was available. Problem was, then, I had no support. I was not in recovery. I was simply not drinking. I lacked the tools to deal with this situation.
Anyway, let me tell you I wasn't missing a thing except a lot of pain when I said "F it" & picked back up.
There is good from this though I learned from that relapse (combined with these sober days). I realized recovery is more than putting the drink down. It is a whole new life. I HAVE TO CREATE. I have to find what makes me happy. What gets me through every emotion sober. It's a lot of falling and getting back up. A lot of learning and its pretty raw as we aren't used to facing emotions. But, it gets easier, it really does. I got a long way to go but I know in my heart if I take another drink I am jeopardizing any beneficial GROWTH that may have occurred. You will too. Nothing good will come from drinking.
We just gotta keep moving forward and accept that drinking is simply not an option.
You can do this inch. Don't romanticize the drink. We are not missing a thing BUT we are gaining LOTS! I once saw a quote on SR that read, "I know too much to go back and pretend". We cant pretend this time will be any different than the last million drinks we had, it wont. Please hang in there. If you have to just ride past this. This too shall pass, it ALWAYS does. In the meantime SR is here 24/7.
I get this. I relapsed at 97 days and had NO IDEA what went wrong then. Now I do.
At that time I knew I couldn't drink and I knew every time I drank I was miserable. I remembered that was why I stopped drinking. But, the one simple thing that was missing was ACCEPTING I could not drink safely, ever again...like whole heartedly accepting that fact. I know that sounds so dumb but I always "thought" I accepted that in the past....and maybe I did but it was full of resentment which was ONLY hurting my recovery. Hence, my relapse. It was destined to happen.
About a month before my relapse I moved to a new area and was living in a situation where daily drinking was taking place every day around me. I took my mind off recovery. I got real resentful with thoughts like...."why cant I just drink like that" "its not fair" poor me" blah blah blah. Well looking back I hadn't really accepted that I just can not drink, EVER AGAIN! I should have ran with open arms to whatever support was available. Problem was, then, I had no support. I was not in recovery. I was simply not drinking. I lacked the tools to deal with this situation.
Anyway, let me tell you I wasn't missing a thing except a lot of pain when I said "F it" & picked back up.
There is good from this though I learned from that relapse (combined with these sober days). I realized recovery is more than putting the drink down. It is a whole new life. I HAVE TO CREATE. I have to find what makes me happy. What gets me through every emotion sober. It's a lot of falling and getting back up. A lot of learning and its pretty raw as we aren't used to facing emotions. But, it gets easier, it really does. I got a long way to go but I know in my heart if I take another drink I am jeopardizing any beneficial GROWTH that may have occurred. You will too. Nothing good will come from drinking.
We just gotta keep moving forward and accept that drinking is simply not an option.
You can do this inch. Don't romanticize the drink. We are not missing a thing BUT we are gaining LOTS! I once saw a quote on SR that read, "I know too much to go back and pretend". We cant pretend this time will be any different than the last million drinks we had, it wont. Please hang in there. If you have to just ride past this. This too shall pass, it ALWAYS does. In the meantime SR is here 24/7.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Hi Inchworm, I can't add anything more really than anyone else has said. Thank you for asking the question because in asking you got answers. So beautiful and powerful.
The ebb and flow of the cravings will come. And you can get through them. Just keep taking care of yourself and asking what your puppy would do. I think that's great. I'm sorry for the chemo. Rest up.
The ebb and flow of the cravings will come. And you can get through them. Just keep taking care of yourself and asking what your puppy would do. I think that's great. I'm sorry for the chemo. Rest up.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: New England
Posts: 1,926
Originally Posted by Inchworm 
What is it about almost 90 days and having cravings? I remember reading about that on SR and that it is common (at least I think I read that it is common). I haven't been posting as much in the last week or so and haven't been on SR for several days. It's as if I thought "Oh, I GOT this!". But, obviously I don't. Some wise words would help.
Well done on almost 90 days! I pray to God I get there one say soon!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: OZ
Posts: 2,055
90 days is wonderful....I have the same problem for milestones and sobriety anniversaries.
Hang in there and it does get better....a lot of it for me were the firsts, it didn't matter what firsts, it seemed to be all of them...
Hang in there and it does get better....a lot of it for me were the firsts, it didn't matter what firsts, it seemed to be all of them...
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Indiana
Posts: 1,472
Originally Posted by Serenidad
My "wise words" are DON'T DRINK NO MATTER WHAT!!! I would give my right arm to have almost 90 days right now! My cravings are almost suffocating! You do NOT want to start over! It's HELL!
Well done on almost 90 days! I pray to God I get there one say soon!
Well done on almost 90 days! I pray to God I get there one say soon!
Serenidad, stay strong as well!
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
The 90 in 90 idea in AA is very popular these days though I am not sure it is the best suggestion they ever came up with. Except that it isn't AA, it's a rehab idea taken into AA. Something to do with breaking old habits (I think).
Folks seem to interperet its meaning in different ways. There are those who think of it as an objective in itself and when achieved, they drink to celebrate. There are those that take it to mean passively sitting in AA meetings everyday for ninety days hoping something will rub off. A lot of them don't make it to 90 days.
I took a different approach, probably by chance as there was no way I had the insight to figure this out. I took 90 in 90 to mean total immersion in AA. I decided i was going to give the meetings, the fellowship and even the program a good try for 90 days on the understanding that I could return to my old life at the end if I wanted to.
I didn't think it would work and never took a note of the day I started on this, but at 90 days I got a call from my sponsor telling me I had been sober for three months. I was well into the program by that time and getting results. There was no way I wanted my old life back, the new one was working out too well.
So for me 90 days turned out to be a positive milestone. Perhaps what happens at 90 days depends to some extent on what we actually do in those 90 days.
Folks seem to interperet its meaning in different ways. There are those who think of it as an objective in itself and when achieved, they drink to celebrate. There are those that take it to mean passively sitting in AA meetings everyday for ninety days hoping something will rub off. A lot of them don't make it to 90 days.
I took a different approach, probably by chance as there was no way I had the insight to figure this out. I took 90 in 90 to mean total immersion in AA. I decided i was going to give the meetings, the fellowship and even the program a good try for 90 days on the understanding that I could return to my old life at the end if I wanted to.
I didn't think it would work and never took a note of the day I started on this, but at 90 days I got a call from my sponsor telling me I had been sober for three months. I was well into the program by that time and getting results. There was no way I wanted my old life back, the new one was working out too well.
So for me 90 days turned out to be a positive milestone. Perhaps what happens at 90 days depends to some extent on what we actually do in those 90 days.
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