I need to do inpatient
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Reno, Nv
Posts: 873
I need to do inpatient
Ok so I lie, make up excuses, give myself every reason to no do inpatient. I had outpatient, but I told them to kiss off one day. I mean I literally used those words, why you might ask? Easy, they said something I didn't like and I wanted to drink....... The guy told me that I could never have alcohol again so I blew up.........
But after all my post, and reading the responses you all know what I need it needs to be inpatient. I can't waffle anymore, no more excuses, I've said this twice now, and both times I found a way out.
As it was so well stated earlier by Dee I can live on the fence or get sober. I called an AA guy today and he basically told me AA works, not drinking on your own works, therapy works, but nothing works for you because you aren't ready to quit and don't want to quit.
What scares me is the battle within, I struggle with giving in, and doing what I gotta do. I've spent years lying and deceiving and abusing substances, and I've programmed myself to believe my own B.S.
So now I gotta think inpatient, inpatient, inpatient, I got to embed those words in my mind and honestly figure out how to get into inpatient, and not @#$@# around anymore.
So now that I am sober again, for the moment, I gotta realize death, prison, institution are my options if I don't quit. And really my BS has to stop. Being on the fence like Dee said is no place, its drunken purgatory. I imagine people die on Dee's proverbial fence, I don't want to be one one of them.
Contemplating a real quit, a quit where I just quit, do rehab, and knock off all the BS really scares me. I mean, for once in my life, I have to do it, because that is how you get sober. No more dreams of drinking, no more stops and starts, ack I am overwhelming myself right now.
Inpatient, I've got the message loud and clear from this community, trying to wrap my mind around it, understand that I can't drink no matter what, and either I want to quit or I don't. I know deep down I want to quit, so now the action needs to take place. Inpatient no matter what, no more lies, no excuses.... I've said those words before, so really this alkie knows his words are becoming hallow, but I am going to do this. I have to do this, I need, the buck has to stop somewhere right?
Good night, thanks for reading, thoughts from an addicts head....
But after all my post, and reading the responses you all know what I need it needs to be inpatient. I can't waffle anymore, no more excuses, I've said this twice now, and both times I found a way out.
As it was so well stated earlier by Dee I can live on the fence or get sober. I called an AA guy today and he basically told me AA works, not drinking on your own works, therapy works, but nothing works for you because you aren't ready to quit and don't want to quit.
What scares me is the battle within, I struggle with giving in, and doing what I gotta do. I've spent years lying and deceiving and abusing substances, and I've programmed myself to believe my own B.S.
So now I gotta think inpatient, inpatient, inpatient, I got to embed those words in my mind and honestly figure out how to get into inpatient, and not @#$@# around anymore.
So now that I am sober again, for the moment, I gotta realize death, prison, institution are my options if I don't quit. And really my BS has to stop. Being on the fence like Dee said is no place, its drunken purgatory. I imagine people die on Dee's proverbial fence, I don't want to be one one of them.
Contemplating a real quit, a quit where I just quit, do rehab, and knock off all the BS really scares me. I mean, for once in my life, I have to do it, because that is how you get sober. No more dreams of drinking, no more stops and starts, ack I am overwhelming myself right now.
Inpatient, I've got the message loud and clear from this community, trying to wrap my mind around it, understand that I can't drink no matter what, and either I want to quit or I don't. I know deep down I want to quit, so now the action needs to take place. Inpatient no matter what, no more lies, no excuses.... I've said those words before, so really this alkie knows his words are becoming hallow, but I am going to do this. I have to do this, I need, the buck has to stop somewhere right?
Good night, thanks for reading, thoughts from an addicts head....
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Jeremy - My best advice is do it. Yes, you have fears, but everyone does. Do it for you and your daughter. What you've done hasn't worked for you.
Give inpatient a try. You just may find that you have the desire to live in recovery, though rehab is just a tool in recovery.
I'll be honest - I want the best for you and your daughter, mostly you. She will pick up things from her daddy. Let's let those things be good things?
Recovery is a selfish thing, we do it for us. Just ask how many of us have done it feel better about ourselves, and our loved ones give us another chance.
Please, Jeremy, do this for you.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Give inpatient a try. You just may find that you have the desire to live in recovery, though rehab is just a tool in recovery.
I'll be honest - I want the best for you and your daughter, mostly you. She will pick up things from her daddy. Let's let those things be good things?
Recovery is a selfish thing, we do it for us. Just ask how many of us have done it feel better about ourselves, and our loved ones give us another chance.
Please, Jeremy, do this for you.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Jeremy that was Profound this is one of your many qualitys and im glad it shines like this when your sober
Jeremy inpatient will help and il tell you why i havnt told no one this but today i got my 2nd letter from my sister from rehab (3rd week into a 6month stay) she is diagnosed schizopohrenic and former heroin addict and is in to get off subitex and she was relapsing on crack every now and then
Today she is a full 3 weeks clean nothing in her system she sounds so positive i cant imagine how good shes gonna feel when she finishes but at week 3 Jeremy my sister my schizophrenic sister is complety clean
that could be you brother
i have wrote her a letter today and im printing some sr stuff for her to read plus the 2 wolves story
all my family have issues but each of my late mothers children me included are sober
Jeremy your post was profound
Jeremy inpatient will help and il tell you why i havnt told no one this but today i got my 2nd letter from my sister from rehab (3rd week into a 6month stay) she is diagnosed schizopohrenic and former heroin addict and is in to get off subitex and she was relapsing on crack every now and then
Today she is a full 3 weeks clean nothing in her system she sounds so positive i cant imagine how good shes gonna feel when she finishes but at week 3 Jeremy my sister my schizophrenic sister is complety clean
that could be you brother
i have wrote her a letter today and im printing some sr stuff for her to read plus the 2 wolves story
all my family have issues but each of my late mothers children me included are sober
Jeremy your post was profound
Just another day...
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 274
I am proud of you for what you have realized! I hope you stick with it and get into rehab!! My situation is not like yours but I have quit SOOO many times and started back up again. Its such an easy pattern to start and follow. But you can make a new pattern to follow of being sober, which is what I am doing now. I laugh more. A lot more. I still have issues to deal with emotionally and physically but 45 days sober and I feel much better than I did 47 days ago. You got this. Its worth it being sober!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
What fear is greater-
Going to inpatient
Or not gong and continueing the way you are.
Just takes wanting, some courage, and action. Get up tomorrow( actually if you truly WANTnto get well yu will get yer arse in gear tonight) and get it going.
Going to inpatient
Or not gong and continueing the way you are.
Just takes wanting, some courage, and action. Get up tomorrow( actually if you truly WANTnto get well yu will get yer arse in gear tonight) and get it going.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 585
I guess my post got deleted. TDG. I love ya man. But. Enough is enough. Get with the damn program and quit ******* around. Do it for your damn kids. I understand everyone has issues. I have a multitude, but I'm barreling through and it's damn time you do so too. The time is NOW!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: wisconsin
Posts: 189
TDG from other posts you have written you have an extremely powerful AV. Every time you slip up, or if you are making head way it has a way of kicking you in the head. I don't know what will be your anchoring point in your life. But I think you need to have that anchoring point. Inpatient may help you find it. Another way may find it. What you have gone through Inpatient wouldn't be a bad option. It may help you with all your other life struggles. I know it is hard and I fight with it every day myself. Sometimes you have to dig very deep, extremely deep within yourself to find what you need to keep you going on the right path. Hugs and we are all rooting for you
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: liverpool, england
Posts: 1,708
its up to you tdg you either want to be sober or you can stick to how your living now, i know from experience it only gets worse,
i dont know if you are destined to lose it all like i did or if you can grab a chance to get out of it all and make sure that you dont end up like i did ?
that is up to you my friend
good luck to you
i dont know if you are destined to lose it all like i did or if you can grab a chance to get out of it all and make sure that you dont end up like i did ?
that is up to you my friend
good luck to you
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
It's time to let go, Jeremy. I know you've tried hard but what you've been doing hasn't worked for you. Do the inpatient thing while you can! It will never be any easier than now nor will a better time come along. It will only get worse the longer you wait.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I don't know what more you have to lose. You gave up your job so you could get treatment. Your wife and daughter are now gone, it sounds like.
The only way out is up, Jeremy. Everything will start to get better once you take care of yourself. Inpatient will give you some time to feel safe, and you deserve that. You're going to have to surrender, though. The war is over. We lost.
I hope you can draw on your intelligence to pull you through this. You are a smart guy with great insight when you are compliant with your medication and not drinking.
None of us wanted to be someone who could never drink again. Welcome to the world's largest club that no one wanted to join. You're preaching to the choir here. We are the big drinkers, remember? We all had demons to fight, fear that was crippling. That's part of the disease. It gets better, Jeremy. You have to stick with it.
The only way out is up, Jeremy. Everything will start to get better once you take care of yourself. Inpatient will give you some time to feel safe, and you deserve that. You're going to have to surrender, though. The war is over. We lost.
I hope you can draw on your intelligence to pull you through this. You are a smart guy with great insight when you are compliant with your medication and not drinking.
None of us wanted to be someone who could never drink again. Welcome to the world's largest club that no one wanted to join. You're preaching to the choir here. We are the big drinkers, remember? We all had demons to fight, fear that was crippling. That's part of the disease. It gets better, Jeremy. You have to stick with it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 525
Way to go Jeremy, way to identify the problem, see your own role in it, and vow to make a change. You're right, you really really have to do something different or else the behavior won't change.
I liked how you said
Ok so I lie, make up excuses, give myself every reason to no do inpatient. I had outpatient, but I told them to kiss off one day. I mean I literally used those words, why you might ask? Easy, they said something I didn't like and I wanted to drink....... The guy told me that I could never have alcohol again so I blew up.........
I do that too. When someone tells me something i don't want to hear, i tell them they are wrong, and stomp off and do what i want to do. And then a days later, i realize they were right, AND they were saying things i would have agreed with. But my addictive mind was dominating my thinking. We can see how moods and motivations change constantly, especially as we try to stop our #1 habit.
One thing that helped me is to realize, I cannot trust my decision making all the time. So i need to make a rule and never ever break that rule: I cannot drink. I don't care what reasons the addictive-me creates that its ok to drink, because i know that part of me is the wrong part to listen to. Its my bad-angel, and it wants control. So i know that when that specific voice makes up reasons why it's ok, i know it's a lie.
So don't believe everything you think.
Make an absolute rule that you won't drink, and that you won't change your mind.
Refuse to believe any reasons your mind creates that tries to get you to go back on your word to yourself. Your mind can lie to you. I hope getting into inpatient goes smoothly for you. Great job recognizing and taking action on treating this horrible disease, it takes courage to address this deadly problem. But what choice do we have, really?
I liked how you said
Ok so I lie, make up excuses, give myself every reason to no do inpatient. I had outpatient, but I told them to kiss off one day. I mean I literally used those words, why you might ask? Easy, they said something I didn't like and I wanted to drink....... The guy told me that I could never have alcohol again so I blew up.........
I do that too. When someone tells me something i don't want to hear, i tell them they are wrong, and stomp off and do what i want to do. And then a days later, i realize they were right, AND they were saying things i would have agreed with. But my addictive mind was dominating my thinking. We can see how moods and motivations change constantly, especially as we try to stop our #1 habit.
One thing that helped me is to realize, I cannot trust my decision making all the time. So i need to make a rule and never ever break that rule: I cannot drink. I don't care what reasons the addictive-me creates that its ok to drink, because i know that part of me is the wrong part to listen to. Its my bad-angel, and it wants control. So i know that when that specific voice makes up reasons why it's ok, i know it's a lie.
So don't believe everything you think.
Make an absolute rule that you won't drink, and that you won't change your mind.
Refuse to believe any reasons your mind creates that tries to get you to go back on your word to yourself. Your mind can lie to you. I hope getting into inpatient goes smoothly for you. Great job recognizing and taking action on treating this horrible disease, it takes courage to address this deadly problem. But what choice do we have, really?
learning to live
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,665
Originally Posted by Thatdeliveryguy 
Contemplating a real quit, a quit where I just quit, do rehab, and knock off all the BS really scares me. I mean, for once in my life, I have to do it, because that is how you get sober. No more dreams of drinking, no more stops and starts, ack I am overwhelming myself right now.
Inpatient, I've got the message loud and clear from this community, trying to wrap my mind around it, understand that I can't drink no matter what, and either I want to quit or I don't. I know deep down I want to quit, so now the action needs to take place. Inpatient no matter what, no more lies, no excuses.... I've said those words before, so really this alkie knows his words are becoming hallow, but I am going to do this. I have to do this, I need, the buck has to stop somewhere right?
Good night, thanks for reading, thoughts from an addicts head....
I personally do not think you have gotten to the acceptance point, which is absolutely crucial....BUT right now, in this moment, lets just focus on surrendering and taking ACTION to get to treatment...ANY kind.....when ya don't know what road to take ANY will work. You just have to DO SOMETHING. Make a move & get into treatment for alcoholism. FOCUS ON THIS FIRST!!!
Then, when your head gets in the right spot mentally sober, sound medicated as you said you MAY need..whatever...... Focus on accepting you can not drink EVER again....and then PUT that ACTION into effect by building a sober life of recovery with NO room for resentment. You absolutely HAVE to accept that though. No going back!
Again, I wish you well <3 You CAN do this. I have NO doubt!!!
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