ArtFriend

To the point - I drank last evening. It was the most I have had since I joined this forum.

Back story (as if it really matters, but here it is)

I have a dear friend who is going through a lot of medical problems. She needed someone to pick her up and take her into the hospital for a procedure and then drive her home. I have not been to her place in many months. She usually comes to my house. Anyway I was totally shocked by what I saw! It was a pig-pen, messy and dirty. I almost burst into tears when I saw it, but held it together and said nothing. She is normally very clean, so this is shocking. There was even a broken lamp on the floor with the broken glass from the light bulb laying there.

Then driving back home, I was in a psuedo road rage deal. This guy cut me off, I honked and he slammed on his brakes so I almost hit him on the freeway. Then he played all kinds of games with me for about 10 miles. I could not get away from him. He was laughing, mocking me and freaking me out. I almost called 911. He finally exited, but my nerves were shot.

I get home and there is a VM from my nephew to call him. He never calls me so I thought it was serious. Could not get ahold of him, called my brother's GF. They staged an intervention on my brother and he punched my nephew in the face during the session. GF also unloads a bunch of stuff on me about my brother not being able to perform sexually, he borrowed money from her for rent and spent it on something else, she thinks he is gay...on and on. I should have hung up but she needed a shoulder to cry on.

It all crashed on me and I just caved and bought some liquor. So I am definitely not out of the woods yet.

I am most upset about my friend and her mental state.

Nonsensical

Perhaps you can go help your friend. It might be therapeutic.

What will you do differently the next time you have a stressful day?

strategery

I'm sorry to hear it was such a difficult day for you Artfriend. That is a lot to deal with emotionally. I would also agree with Nonsensical in that maybe you can help your friend. I hope today is better for you and glad that you're here.

Rachinator

I'm sorry art that life got the best of you. I hope you can find something that can keep your mind off the drink

ArtFriend

I am not quite sure how to approach this with my friend. She is very proud and if I say anything she will get defensive and probably tell me to mind my own business.

As far as what to do on stressful days...simple answer is not drink. But, there is a disconnect between saying it and doing it. I lost my conviction.

Ms Marie

Art friend,
I hope today is a better day! Wishing you peace and sobriety.

anattaboy

You came back and posted right away. Nearly all my relapses were all out resignations. Congrats!

ScottFromWI

Sometimes we need to admit that we need more than our own conviction to get through this thing we call Sobriety. Coming here after you drank is a good sign than you desire sobriery. The real trick is having a plan or a coping mechanism to use before you drink. I hope we can help you find that

Jupiters

wow, that is a lot to deal with in a day ArtFriend
I hope that today is better and that you are able to start fresh.

Nonsensical

No offense, but I disagree. The simple answer is On my next stressful day I am going to fill in the blank.

Not doing something is an act of omission.
Doing something is an act of commission.

Acts of commission are simpler to execute. Acts of omission are easier to ignore.
Yesterday was not your last stressful day.
Make a plan. Work the plan.

You can do this.

ArtFriend

Thanks Scott. Yes, I really do want sobriety. I used to be a "health freak" back in the day...worked out all the time, ate right, avoided processed food, etc. I want to feel healthy like that again. But this damn alcohol flipped my switch and I cannot turn it off again. Maybe I can pull the plug? Bad analogy sorry.

One issue I have is feeling like I am bothering people. It was the way I was raised. You just had to suck it up and move on. If I had to reveal my true identity on this forum, I would never post anything. Anonymity gives me license to post without that fear. However, in "real life" I never ask for help from anyone. So, that is why I won't go to meetings or IOP therapy etc. This forum is my main support now. But is it enough?

ArtFriend

No offense taken...I get what you are saying. What is this "PLAN" that people speak of??

Soberwolf

The only failure is the failure to try

Youl get there Artfriend

snowbunting

I'm sorry you're having a stressful time, that sounds really horrible

I have had quite a number of triggering things happen since I got sober (and I'm still a sobriety baby - 5 weeks and a bit - so feel free to ignore this!), and for me the very most important thing is to have a completely different strategy all ready to go and firmly in place *specifically* for when those moments of stress overwhelm you. Our instinctive reaction to stress is to drink, for numerous reasons: chemical, emotional, habitual. Change that right away, do something other than drink, and you'll be surprised how quickly you will adapt to this new thing (if you find something that works for you). What I do now in a crisis, when the word 'wine' is flashing in my head and my urge feels stronger than I am, is go upstairs, into my bathroom, run a bath, throw in a gorgeous Lush bath bomb (I have a stash of these now), play a youtube playlist I made for myself called 'The Comforter' and get in. After a phew minutes, my tense muscles and my tense mind start to relax. I stay there as long as I need. It's something I look forward to and 'earn', just like wine used to be. Yoga also helps.

If you can find something that works like this for you, you'll be so much better equipped to deal with things next time. Good luck.

ScottFromWI

You need to answer that question for yourself. You are definitely putting yourself at a disadvantage right off the bat by flat out refusing things that could be of great benefit.

ArtFriend

Thank you for the tips snowbunting. What is a "bath bomb"? Is that a British thing??
I personally am not a bath person... I have a jetted bath tub that goes unused. Sad.

I guess I will have to find something to distract. It is the immediacy of a drink that makes it so enticing. No muss no fuss... pour a shot and down the hatch. Less than 1 minute.

Thank you

Ruby2

I'm sorry you had a rough day. If your friend were normally a hoarder then I'd have different suggestion (having had experience with that one, my uncle was a hoarder and hated his stuff being touched) but since you know that she has been typically neat then I guess I would start by just calling her and listening to what she has to say. Is her medical condition inhibiting her mobility? She may be too proud to ask for help but if you offer it that may be a different story.

Tell her what you observed, that it concerns you because it might be impacting her recovery and ask if there is anything you can do for her. Bring lunch and make a day of helping out. It may just have gotten too overwhelming for her and she gave up. I always found digging in and cleaning helped ME when I was struggling to quit drinking. It was a relatively easy way to spend my time and I got immediate results in the process which made me feel better. When I was still drinking I tended to let cleaning go. I still remember coming home from detox and two of my closest friends had cleaned my kitchen and my laundry area while I was gone and I was almost in tears because I was so grateful and knew I was loved.

If she turns you down, you at least tried. Hard days come and go. It's good that you got back here right away. Don't beat yourself up or let it wear you down.

snowbunting

Lush USA does bath bombs too I can count on one hand the number of baths I had in the five years before my sobriety date (the number is zero). I was never a bath person until I discovered the joys of Lush My Flow Yoga routine has been a life saver too. I know I wouldn't be sober right now if it wasn't for yoga and Lush baths and my Comforter playlist ready to help me deal with triggers.

But you're right - it has to be something that works for *you*. Please have fun experimenting to find out what works!

SoberLeigh

How well I remember that 'immediacy'.

Have you looked into RR and AVRT?


http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ined-long.html

You can google 'Rational Recovery and AVRT' and find books for purchase - something to check into and read while still maintaining that anonymity.

Ruby2

I just also read what you posted about asking for help. I hated asking for help. The worst and extreme hardest part of getting sober was admitting that I needed help followed by asking for help. It was almost physically painful to ask for help. For me it was the fear that if I asked for help I would appear weak. AND that if asked for help I would a) have to do something about it and b) my drinking would no longer be a secret and I couldn't then freely indulge without feeling someone was looking over my shoulder or tsk tsking me if I did drink.

And bath bombs are sold by British firm Lush which is an amazingly awesome place to visit, available here but at a cost.