Trying to let it sink in
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: huntsville ar
Posts: 39
Trying to let it sink in
Went to naranon meeting wendesday night. Im reading everything they gave me, and i see so much of my self in these readings. I will go back next wendesday. I told my AH I will not call rtext until he gets help. Thats 1 of the hardest things to do since we have no family r friends here. I told him yo have a nice thanksgiving n christmas. And I loved him. He told me hes been clean for 2 mths .....lie lie lie. Some one saw him 4 hrs away where we used to live buying meth. Why still lie when were seperated? I just dont get that. Any answers out there?
Trying to just do 1 day at a time, but its hard cause im a planner. But working on it. Letting go is another one thats another hard one after 28 yrs.
Trying to just do 1 day at a time, but its hard cause im a planner. But working on it. Letting go is another one thats another hard one after 28 yrs.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Jodigrind11,
It's hard to learn, isn't it, how to focus on ourselves, when we want so much to help them. But we cannot help them want to quit.
I find that before I ask any codie questions, I can feel that it should not be asked... and usually, its answered with a lie, because they don't want to hurt us, or don't want to be exposed as using, or both I guess. They are in so much denial.
hang in there, a day at a time , and plan for yourself, your future and your happiness. I know its hard.
It's hard to learn, isn't it, how to focus on ourselves, when we want so much to help them. But we cannot help them want to quit.
I find that before I ask any codie questions, I can feel that it should not be asked... and usually, its answered with a lie, because they don't want to hurt us, or don't want to be exposed as using, or both I guess. They are in so much denial.
hang in there, a day at a time , and plan for yourself, your future and your happiness. I know its hard.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: WI
Posts: 240
Hi, I'm new here. Maybe read my posts, it sounds like we might be going through similar things with our AH's. Mine checked himself out of ICU with a heart condition a couple of days ago and has fallen off the face of the earth. However we were separated almost a year. I don't have family or friends near me either. The closest is my mom about 20 miles away. I filed for divorce while he was in the hospital after it was confirmed for me he uses cocaine and I believe meth. That's the brief lowdown on that.
Why does he lie to you? I've been asking the same thing. Because of shame and embarrassment I think. Because of the fear of your disappointment. Deep down I think your AH knows how much his use has hurt you and how it's hurting him but he has to "protect" his need to use. He knows how many consequences he's brought down on not just himself but you also. I'm finding out my AH went to great lengths to hid his addiction from me and he did quite a good job at it. But deep down, I think I knew the truth. They hide it to avoid the consequences of you possibly divorcing him, attempting to get him to face he needs help or just plain don't want to to hear anything that goes against what he wants to do. They don't want anyone who would make them face they are no longer in control of their own behavior to know about their addiction. Facing you, you knowing the truth means he would have to own all his use has caused not just for him but for what it's done to you.
Lots of reading up on drugs since all this started last week and asking questions on here has been a huge help. I can see why my AH does what he does. I'm still shifting between anger, sadness, worry and relief he's gone but at least I know that he was wrong. All the consequences of the choices he's made are not my fault. They aren't yours either. And your right, don't ask him questions especially since you know you won't get the truth. It's beating a dead horse. It only hurts you. Sending you hugs and prayers
Why does he lie to you? I've been asking the same thing. Because of shame and embarrassment I think. Because of the fear of your disappointment. Deep down I think your AH knows how much his use has hurt you and how it's hurting him but he has to "protect" his need to use. He knows how many consequences he's brought down on not just himself but you also. I'm finding out my AH went to great lengths to hid his addiction from me and he did quite a good job at it. But deep down, I think I knew the truth. They hide it to avoid the consequences of you possibly divorcing him, attempting to get him to face he needs help or just plain don't want to to hear anything that goes against what he wants to do. They don't want anyone who would make them face they are no longer in control of their own behavior to know about their addiction. Facing you, you knowing the truth means he would have to own all his use has caused not just for him but for what it's done to you.
Lots of reading up on drugs since all this started last week and asking questions on here has been a huge help. I can see why my AH does what he does. I'm still shifting between anger, sadness, worry and relief he's gone but at least I know that he was wrong. All the consequences of the choices he's made are not my fault. They aren't yours either. And your right, don't ask him questions especially since you know you won't get the truth. It's beating a dead horse. It only hurts you. Sending you hugs and prayers
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