ItsJustMe89

So last night I drank after going 11 days sober, the longest I have made it so far. And today was going to be day 1 again for me. But my ex called me and after the phone call I just decided to drink. Because my ex is an alcoholic and he knows that. His whole family is. But when I told him what I have been going through and that I think I need to go to AA, he basically just told me not to drink and drive and to make sure I have enough alcohol and food at the house so I don't have a reason to need to drive after I start drinking. He just tried to tell me how to be an effective alcoholic. Like I should just embrace what I am and learn how to avoid getting in trouble due to my drinking. It was like he didn't understand that there are more potential consequences to drinking then just getting a dui (while I have never gotten, but he has). And we talked about our old mutual friends who are also alcoholics and about times were had together while tripping. He was drinking during our convo but I was not. When we got off the phone I decided to drink. Since I was already back at day 1 and because talking to him and remembering my using days put me in that frame of mind.

He is not a good person to talk to about the struggle I am going threw with thinking about wanting to get sober and join AA. Obviously he just takes me back to my active addiction and doesn't support the idea of wanting to recover. He only supports the idea of learning to cope and control our alcoholism so we don't get in trouble. To me, I don't think that is a healthy way to think.

I feel like **** because I drank after 11 days and then I drank again tonight. I feel like the people who were trying to help me get sober might lose faith in my willingness and give up on me. Or think that I am not serious enough about it yet.

Dee74

I think it's far more important you don't give up on yourself Its.

You need to fight this - 100% - with every thing you have, and not listen to ideas about
accommodating your addiction.

There will always be support here for you - but support without action from you won't mean much or change anything for you, yeah?

Fight this - make a stand and declare day one.

D

VikingGF

Someone who is not ready to accept that they may need to be in recovery will not be a good support for your recovery. This is not about who else might help you, this is about you deciding to get sober and then reaching out to people who WILL help you. That would be us, here at SR, and if you need to have face to face people, which is fine, then find them. But don't count on active drinkers in your life.

You can do this, and you are well worth the effort. Make the changes you need to make and it can happen.

MythOfSisyphus

Dee's right, ItsJustMe89- it's key that you don't give up on yourself. If you fall just get back up. If you can do that one more time than you stumble you will succeed.

MelindaFlowers

I believe in you! I really didn't think I'd ever be able to stop but we can prove ourselves wrong. Take it one day at a time.

Nonsensical

Avoiding this trigger isn't rocket science. Block his number. If you want to talk to people who know what you are going through, try AA, Lifering, SMART, or SR chat.

You can do this.

hunterismia

He sounds like a trigger! stop talking to your ex!

Thepatman

The rocket science part is not needed. An ex can really be a trigger. Just blocking is an easy answer. Nothing personal Nonsensical ;-)

Nonsensical

If saying something isn't rocket science is an insult in some cultures, I had no idea. It isn't in mine, and wasn't meant to be.

Clearly the OP's ex is a trigger. Blocking a number isn't a total solution for eliminating toxic people, but it's a start, and one I am recommending.

Thepatman

Giving up on people on SR is not possible. We carry each other trough hardship. That what this place is about. So never feel bad about yourself posting, never feel judged, because we have all been there. So chin up, push trough and count on the support.

LadyinBC

I will never give up on anyone. I didn't give up on myself, I have had lots of ups and downs in my journey, but I eventually did it.

You can too .

JanieJ

I won't give up on you, IJM.

You have now learned that talking to your ex is a no go in these early days, so that's a good thing, right ?

Back in the saddle, huh ? x

sprout50

We are not giving up on you so I hope you don't. How about you go to that AA meeting you were considering? Dust yourself off and start again!

Soberwolf

This !

BernieE

11 steps forward, 2 steps back. Let's get the forward momentum going again. Forgive yourself, develop your plan and Get back on the path to sobriety. You can do it, those 11 days were real. Change is hard, no getting around that. SR is here to help. Stay close if you can.

Rachinator

your ex sounds like my husband. No problem here LALALALALALLA I think goes through his mind. You got to forget about what he says. Don't give up on yourself. your ex and AV are going to tag team against you. Good luck

strategery

I would agree with everyone else that it sounds like your ex is a trigger. I'm not giving up on you either and am glad you're here.

doggonecarl

Are you serious about getting sober? I don't mean wanting to be sober. I mean are you serious enough to do whatever it takes to be sober. Wanting sobriety and working one's recovery are two different things.

mns1

I agree with everyone else is saying.

You might want to consider getting the negative people out of your life and letting in more positive ones. This place seems to be a great place for that. You will only find encouragement here, not judgment. And no one will give up on you.

Don't give up on yourself. It can be hard, but you need to believe in yourself even when no one else does (But we do)!

When life knocks you down, you can choose to pick yourself back up.

Be strong! You can do this!

LexieCat

He's your ex, there is no obligation to talk to him. Anyone who wants to undermine your sobriety is no friend to you now. That doesn't mean you need to cut him out of your life forever, but early sobriety is when you MUST eliminate (or at least minimize) people, places and situations that undermine your efforts.

The theme I'm hearing from a lot of people here (and I would echo) is, "How bad do you want it?" Sobriety, that is.

What other people think, and whether they will support you, doesn't matter. What matters is your own determination and willingness to do whatever it takes.

When I got sober six years ago (and I've never had a slip/relapse) I went to an AA meeting every day for 90 days. I read recovery literature. I avoided places where there was drinking. I made sober friends (AA is a great place for that). I focused on NOTHING BUT SOBRIETY for that period of time. Yes, I went to my job and focused as well as I could on it during the day, but I cut myself some slack in terms of my ability to have peak performance. Early sobriety had me a little bit foggy for a while, but that went away when I stopped feeding the addiction.

So, how bad DO you want it?