1lastattempt

I need advice for helping my father. He is an incredibly stubborn and paranoid individual. He has been to treatment & recovery numerous times with psychiatric prescribed medication to no avail, which I assume he plays them and gets falsely diagnosed. He has premeditated plans to relapse before he even go's in. Its merely a free place to stay. He also takes advantage of a female in treatment as well, for a free place to stay/transportation once he is out of recovery. He has passionate beliefs of radical concepts. He has 100% completely convinced himself mere coincidences are signs that someone is watching him, or the devils evil. He manipulates small purchases out of people so he can return them later for alcohol money. Every drunk is a repeat verbatim process. I was willing to give his sobriety one last chance one night when he stumbled upon my doorstep completely drooling and sloppy hammered. He had not eaten in days, hes a professional being drinker. The manipulation has no end. For the past 6 months my brother and I who rent the duplex leave early for work in the morning (7am) of which he complains we are to loud and awaken him. We work very hard at manual labor jobs all day, as he sits around and does NOTHING, to come home to his angry aggressive emotional banters for the remain of the day, every day. He believes we are throwing him silent hidden signs that we are angry at him, or that we are going to do him bad. He can absolutely SCREAM an belt out with anger and threats for 6-8 hours straight without anyone saying a word. Keeping me awake to 3-4am of which I have to work at 7am. I have spent hundreds of hours trying to help, and gently talk while he is screaming and threatening my well being and my friends well being, if I do not adhere to his wants. I have spent thousands of dollars on his manipulation games of which I get slapped in the face with as I just purchased him his next drunk. I'm in a 18 hour a day cycle of burning stomach acid from extreme anxiety while trying to focus at work because I know what I've got waiting at home. I am beginning to get nose bleeds and chest pain, I believe the stress is taking its toll on me. I don't even want to go home, I spend hours some days just sitting in my car because I don't want to go home. I am at a breaking point. This is affecting my job, my health, and my relationship with my brother. It is 35 degrees outside now and I feel horrible just kicking him to the street. He threats if we kick him out he will return for revenge and vandalize our vehicles and harm us. He is completely refusing to go to treatment and recovery, he says its all corrupt. I have no clue what to do. I feel like I want to just move to another state and start over. I feel like that's my only escape.

Sorry for the poor grammar.

-Josh

Dee74

Hi Josh -welcome

I'm sorry for your situation.

There doesn't sound like there's much in this relationship for you at all.
Have you considered going no contact, or checking out AlAnon for yourself?

D

peaceofpi

What you've described is abuse. It sounds like it is affecting you physically. Many people in this situation try to get as far away from the abuser as possible. If there is physical abuse (not sure from your post) it is possible to get a restraining order.

1lastattempt

He has not made phisical contact with my brother and I but hes raised his fist to me screaming at the top of his lungs with threats. I am in no danger from him as he is no competition to me. He is 52 been drinking since he was 13 and im 26 and quite capeable and healthy. But i do not want it to come to that. Seeing him behave this way since i was a child has saved me from being an alcoholic, believe it or not. I believe it is due to my mother having custody. A restraining order im afraid will do no good. He will simply go to jail, think, ponder, plot, and plan to make a massive revenge attack. I have seen him do it in the past. My brother and i are very passionate about our viehicles as we have spilt blood sweat and tears into them. We are aftermarket mechanics, the cars have tons of money and time into them. Thats why my father targets them, he knows where to hit home. Its not as simple as saying screw you good luck and the insurance company taking care of damages. Im really lost on what to do. He has 2 warrents for his arrest. Ive been woundering if somehow he can be turned in without him knowing i turned him in. Dont get me wrong, he is very smart, just makes very poor decisions.

LexieCat

You can call the police and leave an anonymous tip. They WANT to know where to go pick up people with warrants, and they don't care who phones them in. You don't need to testify in court or anything. The warrant is all they need to make the arrest--any evidence comes from witnesses to the incident giving rise to the warrant.

Might give you a little breathing room if he's locked up for a while. Then you can plan your next move without his constant presence and the chaos that comes with it.

SeriousKarma

Hi Josh,

I like what LexieCat said about breathing room. There are steps you can take to make yourself feel better, (coming to Sober Recovery was one of them), and this can certainly be made easier if you have that breathing room. Even if you get him out of your house for a short period of time, that may be enough time to start clearing your head, and working on yourself.

Either way, I'm really glad that you found us here. Please keep posting.

biminiblue

I moved several states away to escape abuse. It certainly is an option worth considering. I am very happy I did so.

(hug)