Briar

I'm depressed and feeling claustrophobic in my head with myself and no way out. I want to drink, but drinking seems really sad to me as well. I'm trying to stay active on here and present in my life. I'm doing what I'm supposed to do to get through depression, but it's very hard, and this is usually where I slip. So there's my self-absorbed pity party for everyone to enjoy.

Soberwolf

Well done on day 18 Briar try this http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-cravings.html

airwick

I'm not enjoying your pity-party because you don't seem happy

We are all here to listen, and I hope the evening goes better for you

Keep the spirits up! Keep the determination at a steady pace..... don't over whelm yourself.

Most of all......STAY SOBER

SoberLeigh

Early days can be so rough, Briar, and the emotional ups and downs can be confusing and hard to deal with.

Eighteen days is great; nineteen days is even greater . . . . . . . . Your body is going through a huge adjustment; the process takes time.

Glad you posted, Briar. Keep leaning on SR.

Venecia

The early days are hard, Briar. (The alternative is worse.)

Your brain and your body are re-adjusting. One thing to bear in mind -- alcohol is a depressant. It won't do you any favors on any front.

Hang in there. You can do this.

Lusher

Hey Briar-

I'll just echo what Soberleigh said about the early days. They are very tough. You have both the physical, as well as the mental aspect of a sudden change.

I recall having several sensations of tunnel vision due to feeling so 'out of sorts.' I also felt a bit dizzy, or even confused, while out in public at first. Sort of hard to describe, but I kind of know what you mean.

Things should improve with a bit of time, and it is very much worth it.

You have 18 days, which is huge! Just try to stay the course, and perhaps spend some time in here.

~Stay strong~


Lusher

ANewDayNYC

You can do it Briar!

Dee74

years of abuse can do a real number on our brain chemistry - this has been going on a while now...maybe it's time to consider seeing a Dr, Briar?

D

Steve123123

Congratulations on 18 days, Briar! That's something to be so very proud of!

I know that you can make it through! Everyone here has posted some great advice. I completely understand the sentiment of "being trapped in your own head."

One of the best pieces of advices that I've ever heard, and one that I work to keep with me every day, is that there's no value in thinking about something if all it does is bring negative feelings. I would obsess and obsess and obsess, but I simply recognized the irrationality of it when there was nothing to be gained. This recognition helped convince me to sincerely focus on something (anything) else.

I so truly wish you the best, my friend.

Briar

Thank you all for the encouragement. I will continue to try. I know I've done a number on my brain. I'll move along until I get my mind back.

Dee - thank you, I do have a doctor for this (though granted I haven't seen him in several months). I have bipolar II disorder, so this is how it goes for me, and actually where I'm at right now is not too bad. I can still think through tasks and communicate and work and all that, and I'm not feeling paranoid or suicidal. It's just that I'm very tired and my thinking is very negative. I'm doing my best to manage it so hopefully it won't get worse.

Obviously drinking doesn't help, but I still panic at the thought that I can never use alcohol to medicate again. Makes me feel kind of powerless.

venuscat

I have been thinking about you non-stop since your post in our class thread earlier.
(I answered you).

I think SoberLeigh and Venecia and Dee said it all...this is the rough part love.
For me too, by the way. If it is too rough, then talking to a doctor could be really helpful.

The one thing I know for sure, is that it DOES get better.

And we are here for you ~ you do not have to do one minute of this alone.

Hoping you feel a little better tomorrow love! ♥♥

V xx

Dee74

I wasn't aware of your BPII, briar - but it's not uncommon for people to be depressed, as well...I think checking in with your Dr could really help?

D

strategery

You are doing an amazing job Briar! I wish you weren't having to deal with the depression.

Verte

Hi Briar,

I'm glad you are posting and staying connected. Hey, I've been there. We all have been there. For a while I toted my laptop logged into SR all over the house and then held it on my lap until I was ready to sleep. Everyone here helps me stay connected to me, in many ways. As each day changes.

I used to consider alcohol to be the trump card in my back pocket. Seriously, SR is my new trump card. 24/7 and reliably therapeutic.

Hang in there, Briar.

VikingGF

Briar- Good for you on 18 days!! That said, it's a rough time- but it WILL pass- I had a very hard time around then- just stick it out. You've come so far, you will only be rewarded! I was on SR constantly back then, just reading and reading and riding it out. Take the good advice for medical intervention- if it is something that helps, then utilize it. Sobriety comes first, do whatever you can to make this your priority.

Glad to be here for you- stay the course.

venuscat

Briar ~ I'm sorry. I missed the part in your last post about the bipolar II.
I hope you don't think I was being insensitive love.
I hope you are comfortable with the doctor who has been treating you, and yes, maybe it is time to make an appointment if you can.

It is a lot to deal with all of this as well as withdrawal.

Sending you love,

V xx

venuscat

(oops still site issues I guess...posted twice).

Briar

Venus - you are not insensitive at all, quite the contrary. My brain is a little more sensitive to chemical changes than some other people's, but I know it's very common for people to be depressed at this stage. I'm really not much different.

venuscat

JanieJ

Hey Briar, hang in there

18 days is awesome. I'm no expert but I know my brain has been doing weird things since I got sober -confusion and feeling low, or suddenly terrified for no reason for about 3 seconds.

Hope you feel better soon x