Serenidad

First let me start by saying I feel really dumb (and selfish) for starting 5 threads in 5 days but I am really struggling. I have read and RE-read all the comments you guys have posted on my previous posts multiple times & they have REALLY helped (thanks soooo much!) so I need more advice...I'm in the fight of my life!

I'm NOT trying to start a DEBATE or any type of program bashing here...I genuinely just need advice.

Sooooo...here's the deal:

1. I was in AA for 2 years (court-ordered) from 2008-2010 & maintained my sobriety.

2. I stopped going to AA from 2010-2013 and still maintained continuous sobriety totaling 5.5 years.

3. I chose to drink a beer with my husband after 5.5 years and gave up my sobriety date on 10/24/13.

4. It took a few months but my drinking progressed to where it was in 2008. (Every few days binge drinking in the evenings).

5. I have been going back and forth and back and forth about the best method to quit alcohol for several months now and still can't seem to commit fully to AA but am scared NOT to go there b/c what if they are right about it being "the only way?"

6. The fact of the matter is all I want is to live the rest of my life without alcohol and live a healthy happy life. I don't want to be a DRY drunk either which is what AA tells me happens if I don't work their program.

7. I don't agree with some of the things they say in AA but on the other hand I don't agree with some of the other methods either...mostly because I have so much AA in my head that I'm afraid that they are right! "AA is the only way and I will die unless I give myself 100% to the program and work the steps etc etc."

8. I feel soooo confused! In all honesty I have personally always had trouble feeling like I fit in at AA....but have met some really nice people too. I get along with everyone.

9. I need to make a firm decision about what will work for ME & stick to it!

10. We are all different & different things help different people. And that's GREAT! I know AA has worked for some.

11. I have been praying and praying to God for a clear answer on what the best way for ME is and feel I haven't gotten an answer. (((sigh)))

12. Maybe the idea of me starting this thread and getting YOUR feedback IS the answer. I can't bring up this concern in an AA meeting because I already know what THEY would say....

13. I know ONE thing...that I want to stay sober for the rest of my life...I just don't know what the best way for ME is and I'm so confused! (Since I've been back in the meetings this week people keep telling me I relapsed because I stopped going to meetings for a few years & if I don't stay this time I will die.)

14. I don't want to die but I'm not sure I want to do AA.

15. I skipped a meeting today to exercise & felt great. My AA peers didn't think that was a good idea.

Again...this is NOT an AA debate! I'm just looking for answers about what will work best for me & hoping God (higher power) will speak to me thru one of you.

Sorry so long....I keep calling God but it keeps going to voicemail. Haha. He's a busy guy!

*some of you may see all the threads I started this week as "fact finding" because they WERE! If this breaks ANY type of forum rule please delete this or ignore. God bless you all & even though I don't know you face to face I really love & appreciate you guys. I wish we could meet!

We all share one common goal and use different methods to get there...I'm desperately trying to find mine.

Soberwolf

Serenidad you can do this

suki44883

First of all, never worry about starting too many threads. Start as many as you need to. That is what SR is here for.

Secondly, what other programs have you tried, if any, other than AA? While it is true that AA has helped many, many people, it is not the ONLY way, and it isn't the solution for some people.

There are other programs out there, such as AVRT, Celebrate Recovery, LifeRing, and others that I can't think of right now. Also, there is therapy with an addictions counselor that has helped many.

It's good that you are seeking the best program for YOU. We all share the same affliction, but we are all different people. What works for one may not necessarily work for another. The main and most important thing is that you truly want to stop drinking, live a life of recovery, and are willing to do whatever is necessary to get there. (((HUGS)))

Nonsensical

AA helps many people, but there are other paths to sober living. Suki listed several. Read around the various forums here at SR, there's a ton of great information available. I had no idea how many programs/techniques are out there until I joined here and read up on them.

Serenidad

Thanks Soberwolf! I know my thread is LONG...but any specific advice? :-)

Soberpotamus

Why not try out other programs? How about some recovery books? Maybe if you read other perspectives you'll find you click with one or more of them. That's what I did. I read a ton of books, tried all the main programs, took from them what worked well for me, and I've been sober over a year and a half.

Anna

Serenidad, I don't think it matters at all what program you choose to follow.

Whatever works for you is the way to go.

Nuudawn

Okay..Serindad. This whole AA 'to be or not to be" thing is really giving you a lot of stress. I too resisted a return to AA after my experiences with it back in 06/07. I remember being at my last meeting back then and thinking..."I would rather drink than come to one more of these &^@## meetings!!). And I got up and left. I don't think I drank immediately..but I did eventually.

Alcohol has given me FAR too much grief in my life and well...I will do whatever it takes. For me, I realized that not only did it benefit me to have somewhere to go at night in the first bit (as that was my prime drinking time)...I needed more sober connections. I LOVE SR and it's my greatest allie in the fight...but I needed face to face recovery as well...to at the very least, meet people on the same path to do things with..have coffee with..talk to on the phone or face to face.

There is stuff I do not care for in "the program" ..but there is a lot of freaking wisdom in it too. And well..it's actually not the "program" I have issue with...it's the "people". In the beginning I made a concerted effort to go to a whole bunch of meetings to find some folks I "resonated" with..and I was blessed to find them.. in my previous hometown.

NOW..I'm back to square one and have to attend meetings to find my little sober community. I just need a FEW people..I don't need the whole freaking town of AA. Know what I mean? I DO NOT LIKE those who say AA is the only way. It is NOT and the folks that preach that sort of thing are scaring people away and doing the Bill W. a disservice.

Is there something of benefit to you about AA? That's what you must focus on! For me, I am careful about who I select to spend time with in AA...JUST LIKE LIFE.

You need to OWN your own program here.

(P.S. forgive me if I am coming across as impatient and snarky.. I'm completely off nicotine last 24 hours..and it shows in my posts I think lol)

Dee74

Don't lose sight of the goal. The goal is sobriety.

I tied myself up in alcoholic analysis for many years, partly because it let me feel like I was doing something while still drinking or at least leaving that option open..

My advice is check all of these out...if AA comes out as the best fit, then keep trying AA.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post1588435

D

heartcore

Some days AA is exactly what I need. Sometimes those are the days I don't particularly want to go, sometimes they are the days I am most excited about going.

I did almost 90 in 90 just now, coming back after a relapse. I wanted the people in AA to be central in my life as potential friends and support, and so much time with program folks forged those relationships.

That being said, having been deeply involved in AA in other periods of my life, that is NOT the full construct of what I want my sober life to be at this stage of my life.

For me, my commitment to my sobriety is the common thread that weaves through all my days and activities, but if - today - what I think will most support that sobriety and my needs today is a yoga class, then that's where I'm going.

Today, my needs (after a busy week at work and some challenging medical realities) are to go home, cook yummy food, play with my puppy and change into my jammies. That is a very healthy choice for me. I went to an AA meeting last night (my women's meeting, my favorite of the week) and that was also just right, for yesterday.

It isn't an all or nothing. It is learning to listen to yourself, to your intellectual, emotional, social and physical needs and to follow those messages. God is in everything. God is present during the walk in the woods and in the church basement during the AA meeting. Sobriety is supported by the meal that you lovingly prepared and are sharing with loved ones and by hours spent on SR posting, supporting, listening.

You don't have to DECIDE on anything. The only requirement for membership in AA is a desire to stop drinking. Doing the steps is how you grow as a person. You can fulfill those and be an active member of AA with just one or two meetings a week. So find your favorite AA meeting(s) and make a commitment to attend that one or two meetings and fill the rest of your being with family and exercise and nature and spiritual activities in whatever combination makes you happy and supports being sober.

The only way you'll get cut off from the center of AA, from its essence, is if you are drinking and/or being dishonest in meetings. I know tons of folks who attend AA just a few times a month.

Because I was coming from the streets in my original sobriety/clean adventure, and things were, well, very hard-core, I went to meetings every day for the first two years - I was immersed in NA (at that time) as a full-on lifestyle. That was decades ago, and my needs and situation are entirely different. That is just one way to do AA.... I'm exploring what it looks like for me now, and that is just a couple of meetings a week and a few good friends that I've found in the program amongst many other healthy relationships in my life.

least

Find a way that works for you and then go for it. Makes no difference what it is. As long as it keeps you sober.

NewMe11109

Hi Serenidad -

As others have said, there are many ways to recover, AA being one of them. I guess my comment after reading your post would be "AA seemed to work for you in 2008-2010. Why wouldn't you try it again?"

I don't believe or listen to everything I see in AA either, but I do recognize that there are a lot of people in AA with a lot of sobriety time. So, I just did what they told me to do even if it didn't always made perfect sense.

For me, it was hard to argue with my results (I'm 5.5 years sober now). I'm not as active in AA as I used to be, but I do get involved anytime I need a reminder of what it was like on the other side. I also have a sponsee that I work with regularly and that keeps me involved.

So, why argue with your prior results? Just take action and don't do it alone. Hang in there.

Nuudawn

Fantastic post Heartcore.

ScottFromWI

There is no perfect method Serenidad, because they were created by people and run by people...and people are not perfect. If AA has worked for you in the past and is mostly working now, why not simply give it some more time and effort to see how things progress? In relative terms you are still pretty early on in your sobriety.

ru12

I think you need to calm down a little. I don't think it matters much if you choose a recovery program or not. What matters is you don't drink and find a way to get on with your life. AA is what it is, and if you aren't a member who cares what it or its members say about your sobriety? Plenty of people get and stay sober with and without AA.

mns1

I think that no matter the method. You have to WANT to change. You have to want it bad and you have to know WHY you want it. When you find your why you find a way.

Sometimes, we can get overwhelmed by the challenges of life, and we lose sight of our why. This may drive us back to drinking.

Dig deep down, Serenidad. Stay strong and keep searching. You will find a way out of this.

Soberwolf

Find a recovery programme that you know you will work

for me its acceptance i know and accept im alcoholic i cannot and do not want to drink i dont want to say ive beat this im alcoholic for life im that strong with my acceptance im grateful seriously grateful to have that acceptance

it becomes a lot clearer when i accepted i dont want to drink

if AA works go aa there is smart RR theres group therapy etc

im reading a book at the mo called The Chimp Paradox by steve peters ....brilliant book

my advice is try like you have never tried before get into sobriety refuse to drink at all costs

i wouldnt drink if you had a billion pound there in front of me

it means that much to me

Hawks

Did you partake of the wisdom of a man with 50 plus years of continuous sobriety?

Before you make any call on AA. I suggest a listen to that.

And I agree that once you have chosen your path, stick to it and come hell or high water..... Do not let anyone pull you off it.

Best of luck with your decisions

Nonsensical

I can't think of anything I've ever done that was more personal than defeating my addiction to alcohol. I used a personalized plan to do it.

I use AVRT to separate myself from my addiction
I threw in a little mindfulness and urge-surfing to get through the tough times
I use CBT to train my brain to process information better
I use SR, Lifering, and AA meetings for camaraderie, support, and understanding

For me there are effective and ineffective aspects to all those approaches if taken individually. I aggregated them, stitched together the parts I found effective, ignored the parts I found ineffective, and had a tailor-made program just for me. It's not a one-size-fits-all world.

awuh1

"what if they are right about it being "the only way?"

Who is "they"? If someone at a meeting says this, then that this their opinion. It's not what the AA literature says.

I don't want to be a DRY drunk either which is what AA tells me happens if I don't work their program.

This is incorrect. AA does not tell you this. Again, this is the opinion of an individual or individuals. Separate what the program of AA says from what some of it's members might say.

I will die unless I give myself 100% to the program and work the steps.

I would connect with the members in your area that tend toward expressing a more hopeful message, rather than a fearful one. The hopeful ones tend to be more grounded in the program.